When Love Reruns
by 1214
Summary: Jacob stops Bella from jumping with news that the Wolf Pack got Victoria. All the vampires are gone from Forks. Or are they. Bella's nightmare turn to dreams, are they really dreams or has Edward returned.....
1. Chapter 1

_**WHEN LOVE RETURNS**_

_BPOV_

_Bella, Bella my love, I love you, I have always loved you, please forgive for hurting you. I love you so much. Bella my beautiful Bella._

I wake up shaking. Just a dream I repeated to myself. At least it wasn't the nightmares I had become accustomed to having since _he_ had left. Not a nightmare until I woke up. It was the third night in a row I had had the same dream. It seemed so real, but then, so did the nightmares when I had them. Edward was with me, his cold arms wrapped tight around me, whispering in my ear that he loved me, that he had always loved me, and he would never leave me again. But as I turned to look at his face I always woke up. Then the pain started, the hole inside me where my heart used to be. I so wanted it to be true, I had tried to stop from turning to look at his face, but I always did. I was shaking, but was it from the pain or the cold? How could I be cold, the heat was on, but I was shivering, just like I used to when I laid in his arms. Maybe my hallucinations were becoming more physical than mental, maybe I was pushing my sanity over the edge.

I glanced over at the clock, 2:05am. I got up and looked out the window. The cruiser was still gone, Charlie was still at LaPush, with the Clearwater's, making arrangement for Harry's funeral. The last three days had been surreal. Just as I was about to cliff drive, just as I was enjoying Edward's angry voice, forbidding me to jump, Jacob has screamed at me to stop. I was so angry at Jake, for just a moment for ruining my moment with Edward, but he was shouting, "It's over Bella, we got her." What was he saying, had the wolf pack really found Victoria, was I really safe. Jacob grabbed me off the edge and swung me around. "We did it, we caught Victoria, the other guys are burning her now, it's over, Bella, your are finally free." I looked at Jake's face and saw such a mixture of joy and sorrow. Was he sorry they had killed Victoria, was he worried that I wouldn't need him anymore if he didn't have a reason to protect me? "How, where,what" my mind couldn't grasp everything he was telling me, I started to feel faint, things were spinning so fast. Jacob sat me down on. "Put your head between your legs Bella, I don't want you to pass out, there is too much you need to hear." I did as he told me and took deep slow breaths, everything slowed down and I looked up at him, "she is dead, she is really dead, it's over?" I asked as tears poured down me face. "Yes" he replies "we caught her right on the edge, she tried to go over the ridge into the water, but Sam sense something and got behind her and ran her back, right into Paul and Jared, Paul grabbed her and that was all it took, each one of us got a piece of her. It is really over Bella.." he said as he grabbed me and held me tight to his chest, and I felt the warmth from him fill me. I looked up into his face, studying it carefully, "why... why do you look so sad, I don't understand, if she is really gone.." the words poured out of mouth so fast I am not sure he even understood me.

Jacob looked off to the east, at the plum of purple smoke far off in the distance. "Something else happened." I stiffened in his arms, had one of the wolves he hurt, "relax, Bella relax, Harry Clearwater had a heart attack, we found out when we came back to the house, everyone is at the hospital, but they say it is not looking good." Oh god Jake, I am so sorry, does my dad know?" I asked "Yes" he replied, "he is at the hospital with my dad. Sam has gone over there to see what the story is, but I wanted to find you and tell you about Victoria, but I really should go to the hospital, do you want to go with me?"

Too much was going through me mind, Victoria, Harry I just couldn't think straight. "Um, no, I think I will just go home, Charlie will need me when he gets there, depending on what happens. It safe now, right, I can go home and be safe" I asked Jacob smile down at me "Yes Bella, it's all over. You are safe. All the vampires are gone from Forks, you can go back to your normal life."

Normal, I can get back to my normal life, I laughed to myself as I thought of that, but I just smiled as Jacob drove me home. What was my normal life? Had I ever had a normal life, certainly not since I had moved to Forks. I thought, for a brief moment, maybe I should leave, move to Florida with Renee and Phil, try to forget my life here and all that that entailed. But I knew I would never do that, there was still a small part of me that hoped... STOP IT BELLA, I shouted in my head, don't hope, it just makes the hole rip more. He was never coming back, and I was just going to have to accept it. But I also knew I couldn't leave. Charlie needed me. I don't know how he survived for seventeen years without me. He should have more money now since he didn't have to eat out every night. I smiled when I thought back to how little food was in the house when I arrived.

I was lost in my memories of my first days in Forks, I jumped when the phone rang, I grabbed in on the third ring, "Hello, oh hey Dad, hows it going at LaPush, how are Sue and the kids?" Charlie had been staying at the reservation almost day and night since Harry had died. "No no Dad, I'm fine really, gotten caught up on a lot of housework and homework, still have a calculus test to study for, please don't worry about me, I'll be fine." "Jacob is worried about you being there by yourself and to be honest so am I" Charlie said, "Jake, said he would come get you if you wanted to come down, but he is trying to get caught up on some things too." "Dad, I know Jake is behind in his school work and so am I, please tell him to stay there, we both need to get caught up. I am fine here and to be honest, I am enjoying the peace and quiet, yes, yes I am going to study and go to sleep early, see you later Dad, stay as long as you need to." I hung up the phone and looked around the kitchen. It was cleaner than it had been in awhile, I had needed to keep busy and wear my self out. I did really want to go to sleep early. As painful as it was when I woke up from the dream, the dream itself was heaven. I could feel his strong cold arm, hear his voice and smell the scent that was only him. As clear as his voice had been when I was doing something reckless. I so needed these moments, I so needed him. I was probably pushing my sanity to the limits and was going to push myself over the edge until Charlie had to have me committed this time, but I didn't care. I knew I couldn't cliff dive anytime soon, and I needed to hear him somehow.

I quickly ate a sandwich and had a glass of milk, cleaned up the glass and headed up the steps to study. I knew there was nothing better than calculus to make me fall asleep. I took a quick shower, letting the hot water warm me completely, washed my hair and took the time to blow it out straight, the was I knew he liked it. The edges of the hole in my chest throbbed as I thought of him running his fingers through my hair. Walked into my room and opened my bedroom window, surprised at how easy it opened. I hadn't opened it since he left, what was the point? I never locked, it just it case, but I hadn't opened it, I looked out into the night sky and sighed, the pain flared, "Edward, where are you, I miss you so much, but you're never coming back are you? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life without you, I know you think I will forget you, but you are so wrong, it will never happen, never." I slammed down the window. Face it Bella, he's gone, he doesn't want you, you were just a game to him, I screamed to myself as the tears poured down my face. I wrapped my arms around my chest to try to get the pain to stop. I curled up in a ball on my bed and just cried until I finally fell asleep.

EPOV

Her window opened and there she was, Oh God she was still so beautiful, my sweet Bella. But she looked so sad, so alone. I shouldn't of come back, I knew this was a mistake, but I was so selfish,I had to see her again, had to know she was okay. The last three nights had been the closest to heaven I had experienced since I had left. Lying next to her, in her bed holding her tight, after I was sure she was sound asleep. Telling her what I couldn't say if she were awake, how much I loved her, how I had always loved her and would never leave her again. She had smiled in her sleep, could she hear me? But I couldn't let her know I was back, I had promised her, I couldn't hurt her again. I needed her so much, but she didn't need me ruining her life. I had barely made it out the window when she woke up last night, I wasn't paying attention to her breathing so absorbed with watching her, when she started to stir, I jumped out the window, just before she sat up. Then I heard her sobs, she was crying, saying it was just a dream.

Now looking at her staring out the window, looking more beautiful than Juliet

could ever be, I couldn't help but smile. "Oh, Bella, my sweet Bella, how beautiful you are" I whispered so low no human ears could hear. Then I heard her voice "Edward, where are you, I miss you so much, but you're never coming back are you? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life without you, I know you think I will forget you, but you are wrong, it will never happen, never." Then she slammed the window shut and I heard her crying uncontrollably. I was stunned, she still wanted me, she still looked for me? Was that why the window was not locked, she was still hoping I would turn up No she was just upset with everything that had happened around her. Harry Clearwater's dead, Victoria, just thinking the name made my lips curl over my teeth. Teeth I wished I had been able to dismantle Victoria with, but the werewolves had beat me to it. I had left Bella for nothing. I thought she would be safe without me putting her in danger, but danger had found her anyway. Victoria had come to claim Bella's life, to avenge James' death according to the thoughts of Jacob Black. And werewolves, only Bella would find the only monsters left in Forks. She truly was a danger magnet.

But, was it possible for my sweet Bella to still want me, after I had left her, hurt her so bad. I was so ashamed, after listening to the "wolves" thoughts, especially Sam's, he had found he that night after I left her, found her curled up in the forest, far from the trail where I had left her. My nonexistent heart broke into, seeing how I had left her. "Oh Bella, I am so sorry, I thought by now you would be over me, would have moved on." Why was I so happy that you haven't? Was I just deluding myself, into believing that you could forgive me.

As I sat in the forest listening waiting to hear Bella's breathing level out so I would know she was sound of sleep, then I climb up the side of her house and slipped through her window. She was still so beautiful it took my breath away. But she was thinner and paler than before. I slid over to her bed and lay down beside her and just watched her sleep, lightly touching her face with my index finger.

She was curled up in a ball, her face tear streaked, but still so beautiful. Oh to be able to see inside her mind, just for a moment. To know if she could ever forgive me for what I had done to her. I tried so hard to stay away, my entire family was angry at me for leaving, but I thought it was best, not for me, the pain I had endured was indescribable, but for my Bella. I had convinced myself that she would never be safe in my world, that she would always be in danger if I stayed near her. Of course she had a solution for any danger I imposed. _Change her. _This is what she wanted, or thought she wanted. But I could not do that to her. To take away her soul just for my selfishness. There was nothing I had wanted more in my hundred years of existing than to have Bella at my side forever. With every other thought I had considered it, but I couldn't!! To take away everything from Bella's future to satisfy myself, to have her with me, to be able to hold her the way I desired, to be able to make love to her....NO I would not do that to her. She had no idea what this life was really like.

Her breathing was becoming uneven, was she dreaming or waking up? I moved silently to the window, as she rolled over and I heard her say "Edward", she still spoke my name in her sleep. This brought me such joy and such sorrow at the same time. I was so sure she would forget me by now, but I was still in her thoughts. She stirred and I knew she was waking up, so I ran out the window, knowing I could still hear her from the shadows of the forest. I listened for any movement, was she turning over or getting up. I heard her sigh deeply, then the covers moved and I heard her footsteps move across the room and down the stairs. The light came on in the living room. The TV came on and I heard her changing channels with the remote. Bella had never been a big TV watcher so she must be bored.

The TV went off and I heard the remote slam down on the coffee table. She walked to the kitchen and I heard the refrigerator door open and then close. I could not help but smile, Bella was restless, I was so tempted to just go and knock on the door. I could just imagine the shock look on her face, the way she would blush...then I heard the back door open and there she was, her scent hit me so hard as I struggled to swallow down the venom and fight the monster within me. I had to struggle with it every time I was near her, since I had returned, but I knew I would win.

She just stood in the doorway staring out into the darkness. I knew she couldn't see me, not with her human eyes, but it seem like she was staring right into my eyes. How I wanted to just run to her and take her in my arms and never let her go. But I could not do that, not yet. I still haven't decided if she was better off without me in her life. I was so selfish I just want to be with her but I had to remember what was best for her.

Bella started walking toward me. What was she doing? She shouldn't be out in the dark alone, did she see me, was she coming to me?? Of course not, her human eyes could not see me through he darkness. Silently I climbed up in to the trees, as she kept walking toward where I was standing. As she got closer I could she the tears falling down her cheeks. Why was she crying? Then she stopped and looked around, that is when I realized this is the exact spot I had said goodbye so many months ago. I watched as she sank down into the grass and leaned back against the tree and covered her face with her hands and sobbed uncontrollably. How my nonexistent heart broke as I watched her. Then I heard her whispers "Edward, I can't do this anymore. It hurts to much. You broke every promise you ever made to me, so why do I have to keep mine? I just can't deal with this pain anymore. You said it would stop, that it would be as if you never existed but you were wrong. It just gets worse. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I just glide through life and pretend I am okay, but damn it I'm not okay. I have to make the pain stop and there is only one way to do it." I started to panic, what was she saying? Was she going to hurt herself, no I would never allow that. She sounded so angry, good maybe she was finally just saying goodbye to me in the exact spot I had said goodbye to her.

"Why, Edward, why?" I heard her whisper "why did you pretend to want me, to love me? I was so stupid to believe anyone like you could want me, but you said you did" I listened as she broke down in uncontrollable sobs again, all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her I did love her and I was so sorry, I so wanted to take away her pain. Suddenly her crying stopped and she leaned back with such a determined look on her face. "So, Edward, I know you can't hear me and I know you don't care, but I am ending everything in the exact spot where you ended my life. I died that day, my body just kept moving, but now its time for my body to join my soul." then she laughed "you were so against stealing my soul, well guess what, you took my heart and m soul when you left, so now it is time to let my body join them." She stood up and walked to the house, and I knew the time had come to face what I had done to her. I would not let her hurt herself and I knew that was what about to happen. I flew down the trees and across her yard, up the side of her house and into her window, before she had gone three steps. Whatever she was planning to do was not going to happen, no matter what. I heard the door open and softly close and her steps come up the stairs, she stopped in the bathroom and I started across the room when I heard her turn the doorknob. I held my breath as the door opened and she saw me. She stopped and the bottle of pills and water glass she held in her hands dropped to the floor, I caught the glass before it could shatter on the floor in my right hand and Bella in my left arm before she hit the floor.

BPOV

I woke shivering. I felt the comforter being tucked around me. "Charlie" I asked quietly, remembering what I had considered doing after going into the forest, where Edward had left me. My mind was fuzzy, I couldn't remember if I had taken the pills. Had I failed and given Charlie something else to worry about? Oh crap, I shook my head trying to remember. Then I froze as I heard his voice, "Bella, why Bella, you promised" the smooth velvet voice, shook with pain. It couldn't be. I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid I really had died, I was afraid I had fallen into complete insanity. I was afraid to move, then I felt his touch, and I felt the tears pouring down my face. "Bella, please open your eyes" he said as his finger tips brushed away my tears. Slowly I open my eyes and I gasped and threw my hands to my face. "No, No this is a dream, this isn't real, what have I done" I felt my hands being removed very gently from my face, and he was still there. All I could do was stare, look at Edward's face so full of pain, so beautiful, so close. I reached up and touched his cheek and it was ice cold and smooth. "Are you real?" I asked "are you really here, is it possible?" Edward took my hand in his and brought them to his lips and kissed them gently "Yes Bella its really me, I am so sorry Bella. I had no id


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **Sorry kind of screwed up last post and cut off mid sentence. Will try to do better. Am new to this!

All thing Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer! I just rearranged some things

"Are you real?" I asked, " are you really here, is it possible? Edward took my hands in his and brought them to his lips and kissed them gently. "Yes, Bella, it's really me. I am so sorry Bella. I had no idea it would be this hard for you. But what were you thinking? His eyes flashed with anger, as he shook the bottle of pills in my face before shoving them into his pocket.

I squeezed my eyes shut, of course, he was angry. I was doing something stupid and reckless. He wasn't really here, it was just my mind, wishing again. "Damn it, is seemed so real this time" I muttered, as the tears stared flowing. "Bella, what ...is it?" the voice said as I felt his thumbs wipe away my tear. "I know I shouldn't have yelled but you scared the hell out of me, if I hadn't come back, the thought of what Charlie would have found is unbearable, what were you doing...you promised!" I opened my eyes, and blinked away the tears, if I was going to hallucinate this at least I was going to enjoy it. I stared into his eyes. "I'm dead right? Oh God, Charlie...Renee, this is going to kill them. I don't remember taking the pills, maybe you don't remember the last thing you do in your life, think Bella.

Edward grabbed my shoulders and shook me "Bella, you're rambling, stop and look at me." I took a deep breath and looked into his amber eyes and he gently cupped my face in his hands, wiping my tears away. "You are not dead, you are not dreaming, I am here and I love you. I have always loved you. I couldn't stay away, I tried, but I can't. I will never forgive myself for hurting you, but I truly believed it was for the best. All I have done since the first day I saw you is put your life in danger. I know you don't see it that way but it is the truth." Edward said softly "I left to give you a chance at a normal, happy, human life. A safe life. But being the selfish monster that I am, I had to come back. I had to see you." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Bella, I expected to find you had moved on, that you were living the life you should live if I had died when I was suppose to. Instead I find you ready to end your life. God Bella what did I do to you? He dropped his hand from my face and turned toward the window, but no before I saw the pain in his face. I watched him and took a deep breath. I realized then it was the first really deep breath I had been able to take in the last seven months, there was no pain, it was if the hole in my heart had healed it self and I knew the reason was because Edward was really here.

I stood up slowly, not trusting my legs to hold me up and walked toward Edward, never taking my eyes off of him for fear he would disappear. "Edward" I whispered, he turned around and I reached up to touch his beautiful face. Before I even knew what happened I was in his arms holding on for dear life.

I felt his cool breath on my neck and I held him as tight as humanly possible, My mind was reeling. Edward was here and I was in his arms, and he was saying he loved be. I had dreamed this so many times, but was still having trouble believing it was really happening. My body stared to shake I was crying so hard, Edward picked me up and placed me gently on my bed, rubbing my back and whispering my name softly. I sat up and looked into his eyes "Why did you come back?" I asked quietly, "I mean why now, did you know Victoria was here, after me?" I heard a small growl rumble from his chest. It took him a few minutes to respond, "I swear to you I had no idea Victoria would come looking for you. That you were still in danger from any of our kind. I could never have left . If I had thought for one minute there was any danger around you. Then I return and find that Victoria had been killed, by the werewolves, that she had been after you for months. It is extremely dangerous for you to be around werewolves, especially young ones, but I will be eternally grateful for them protecting you, " He sighed, then kissed my forehead " only you could find a monster more dangerous than me to spend time with during my absence."

"Jacob has been a good friend." I replied "I am sure he has been, Bella" Edward answered slowly, "but you have to realize he is a young werewolf and while I am grateful that he kept you safe from Victoria, he is too dangerous for you to be around. He could seriously hurt you."

Suddenly his words made me angry. Where had he been when Victoria and Laurant had been stalking me, trying to kill me. He didn't even know Jacob, just some testosterone fueled war between vampires and werewolves. I had to listen to the same hateful thing from Jacob about Edward, but at least Jacob felt he had a real reason to hate Edward, he had seen what Edward leaving had done to be

. I pulled away from Edward and walked over to the window, trying to calm my breathing. "Bella, you must realize that all..." "NO" I yelled, as I spun around to face him "_YOU _have to realize, Jacob has been there for me. Where were you Edward?. Where were you when I needed you? How dare you walk..or climb.. or whatever..into my room...into my life after all these months and dictate to me who I can and can't see, who I can be around. What make you think you have the right to have any say in anything I do?"

Why did you come back? Couldn't find any good distractions?? It that all I am Edward? A distraction? Silly little human, something to distract the vampire, until he gets bored again and goes looking for a bigger challenge.??" I had to take a deep breath and the tears were coming full force now. Edward took a step toward me, but something in my expression must of stop him, "Bella, please you know it wasn't like that..." "_Really Edward_", I sobbed "how am I suppose to know that. You told me for months that you loved me, then you left. You didn't only leave you told me you didn't want me." I couldn't go on, all the pain and frustration I had felt came out in gut retching sobs and I collapsed onto the floor. Edward reached for me, but I screamed at him "_**DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME**_." He pulled his hand back and I saw the pain flashed across his face, "do you want me to leave" he said softly. I looked at him and almost shouted yes, but I couldn't "no" I whispered softly.

After what seemed like hours I pulled myself up from the floor and glanced over at Edward, he hadn't moved since I has screamed at him. What was I thinking? I had wanted nothing else in my life except Edward and now I was pushing him away. I went to the bathroom to throw some cold water on my face and try to get my thoughts together before I returned to face him. I took a few deep breaths before I turned to doorknob to my room, frightened that he would of left and frightened that he would still be there. I was insane. As I slowly closed the door, I looked up at Edward "I'm sorry..." but he held his hand up to stop me."May I speak now?" he asked quietly. I shook my head, not trusting my voice.

"Would you please sit with me, I promise not to touch you" Edward said softly, his voice so full of pain my heart was breaking all over again, as he pointed to the bed. I walked slowly over and sat in the middle of my bed, with my knees pulled up to my chest. Edward sat at the foot of the bed and I heard him take a deep breath. "You have every reason to yell at me, what I did to you is inexcusable. You have every reason to hate me" "I don't hate.." I started to say, but he stopped me, "please Bella let me say this, then I will listen to whatever you have to say?" I nodded "

"The hardest thing I have ever done in my entire existence was to leave you.

The pain that I felt in the days leading up to that day in the forest is indescribable. My heart has not beat a beat in almost 100 years, but it really only stopped that day. The pain on your face as I lied to you was the most excruciating pain I have ever had to deal with.

. I am basically the most selfish creature you will ever come across in your life, and all I have ever wanted since the first day I laid eyes on you was to be with you. To love you, to protect you. All I have ever wanted to do is make you happy, to fulfill every dream you have ever had or ever hope to have.

Instead all I brought into you life was danger. I know you don't see it, but the more you were around me the more your life was in peril. I thought I could protect you from everything bad, instead I brought the bad right to your doorstep. I made the decision to leave to give you a chance at the life you should have. The chance to be young and free and happy. To not have to look over your shoulder every time you tripped or cut yourself that someone would be there to kill you.

I was wrong to leave, I see that now. I know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, but I underestimated your love for me. I have always seen humans fall in and out of love over and over again, so I assumed that the feeling wasn't as strong in humans as it was for my kind. But my beautiful Bella, when have you ever been a normal human. You are so much more."

.Tears were filling my eyes so fast I could not blink them away fast enough to keep his face in focus. He reached out to touch my face, but hesitated,unsure if he was allowed. I took his hand in mind and brought them to my lips, just to let him know it was alright.

Edward took a deep breath and cupped my face in both of his hands "Bella, if you never believe anything I say, please believe this. I love you more than I thought it was possible to ever love anything. I am so sorry for leaving you, for hurting you. I knew that if I didn't make you believe I didn't want you, that you would never let me leave. That is the only reason I lied.

I would not blame you if you hate me now, and I will accept it as my punishment for what I did to you, and if you want me to leave, all you have to do is ask, and I will go. I will keep my distance from you, if that is your wish, but I will always be close by, if you should ever need me. But if there is the smallest chance that you can forgive me, I will spend the rest of my existence proving my love for you." He slowly brought my face up to his and gently kissed my lips. "So my sweet Bella, do you wish for me to leave?"

Next up EPOV,

I think we all know what Bella's answer will be.

Let me what you think.

Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **Thanks so much for the reviews. It give me hope and encouragement.

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just mixed them up a bit

EPOV

All I could do was stare at Bella, she was still the most beautiful creature I had even seen, yet she looked so sad. She was thinner, probably not eating properly, and her eyes were missing the shine I remember so clearly. What had I done? Once again I had managed to do the one thing I was trying not to do. Cause her pain, I never wanted Bella to feel any type of pain, physical or mental.

She was angry with me. I only wanted her to understand that werewolves, especially young werewolves, were dangerous, unpredictable. I knew from Jacob's and Sam's minds that she had seen Emily. The woman that Sam loved almost as much as I loved Bella. She had seen what could happen if she was too close.

Apparently she had gotten quite close with Jacob Black during my absence. Was she in love with him? Had she moved on as I had wished?

No, I don't believe that. She is too angry at me. Part of me wanted to laugh at her. Screaming at me, a kitten trying to be a tiger, but I saw the pain in her eyes as she begged me to tell her "Where were you Edward? Where were you when I needed you? How dare you walk..or climb..or whatever..into my room.. into my life after all these months and dictate to me who I can and can't see, who I can be around. What makes you think you have the right to have any say in anything I do?" She was right, as usual, I had no right, but when she accused me of using her as a distraction, of just coming back because I was bored; I knew I was in big trouble. I tried to tell he it wasn't like that, but she would not hear it.

Then she collapsed on the floor, crying so hard I was afraid she would stop breathing, I tried to hold her but she spat at me "**_DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME." _**I was truly afraid for the first time in my long life. Afraid that I had succeeded in pushing the one woman I could ever love away forever. I took a deep breath and ask the one question I was frightened to hear the answer to. "Do you want me to leave?" She whipped her head around so quickly I knew she was going to send me away, but suddenly the look in eyes changed and she whispered very softly "no"

If I could of cried I would have been shedding tears of joy. She didn't send me away...yet. I stood very still watching Bella try to stop her tears. Wanting desperately to take her in my arms and hold her till her tears were dry. But I knew this was not what she needed. She was confused and hurt, not only my actions but my words. I knew we would have to do this on her terms. I could wait as long as necessary, as long as my Bella needed.

After a few minutes, Bella stood and went to the bathroom. I knew she was trying to get her emotions under control, before she faced me again. When she stepped backed into her bedroom, I saw fear on her face. Fear I didn't understand. She looked up at me timidly and whispered "I'm sorry.." but before she could go on I stopped her "may I speak now?" I asked. I had to do everything on her terms now. She smiled faintly and nodded her head. "Would you please sit with me" I asked pointing to her bed, "I promise not to touch you." She walked slowly to her bed and sat in the middle, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them tightly, like she was trying to hold herself together. I was such a deplorable creature. I did not deserve her, did not deserve her love or her forgiveness, but still I was going to try. I had to. She was my life now and always.

I took a deep breath and looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes, "You have every reason to yell at me, what I did to you is inexcusable. You have every reason to hate me" Her head shook "I don't hate.." but I stopped her "please, Bella" I asked softly, "let me say this, then I will listen to whatever you have to say." She nodded, as tears once again filled her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. I had to smile to myself, my precious Bella, still trying to protect me.

"The hardest thing I have ever done in my entire existence was to leave you. The pain that I felt in the days leading up to that day in the forest is indescribable. My heart has not beat in almost 100 years, but it really only stopped that day. The pain on your face as I lied to you was the most excruciating pain I have ever had to deal with. I am basically the most selfish creature you will ever come across in your life, and all I have ever wanted since the first day I laid eyes on you was to be with you . To love you, to protect you.. All I have ever wanted to do is make you happy, to fulfill every dream you have ever had or ever hope to have. Instead all I brought into you life was danger. I know you don't see it, but the more you were around me, the more your life was in peril. I thought I could protect you from everything bad, instead I brought the bad right to your doorstep. I made the decision to leave to give you a chance at the life you should have. The chance to be young and free and happy. To not have to look over your shoulder every time you tripped or cut yourself that someone would be there to kill you. I was wrong to leave, I see that now. I know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, but I underestimated your love for me. I have always seen humans fall in and out of love over and over again, so I assumed that the feeling wasn't as strong in humans as it was for my kind. But my beautiful Bella, when have you ever been a normal human. You are so much more."

I reached out to brush the tears from her face, but stopped myself, remembering this had to be on her terms. Then she did the most incredible thing, she took my hands and brought them to her lips and gently kissed them. I took her face in both of my hands, looked as deeply as possible into her eyes and said "Bella, if you never believe anything I say, please believe this. I love you more than I thought it was possible to ever love anything. I am so sorry for leaving you, for hurting you. I knew if I didn't make you believe that I didn't want you, that you would never let me leave. I would not blame you if you hate me now, and I will accept it as my punishment for what I did to you, and if you want me to leave, all you have to do is ask, and I will go. I will keep my distance from you, if that is your wish, but I will always be close by, if you should ever need me. But if there is the smallest chance that you can forgive me, I will spend the rest of my existence proving my love for you." I leaned over to her, never taking my eyes off of hers and asked the most important question I would ever ask "So my sweet Bella, do you wish for me to leave?"

I held my breath waiting for her answer. Tears were still falling down her face, and she was trying to stop them. I brushed away the ones that fell down her cheeks. She was shaking her head, but I didn't know if she was telling me no or trying to clear up some confusion in her head.

Slowly she returned my gaze and softly said "No, Edward, I don't want you to leave. I never wanted you to leave, I have no life without you. But I'm scared, I don't know..."she swallowed and tried to continue, "These are the things I do know.

One ...I love you, I will always love you no matter what. If you had never come back and I lived to be 110 years old, I would never love any one else, it is not possible. You have my heart and my soul completely.

Two...I am terrified, I could not survive the pain of losing you again. I couldn't, Edward, I just couldn't" she looked into my eyes trying to convey the depth of her feelings "what happens if another nomadic vampire shows up and threatens us, what happens if Jasper slips again, will you feel its best f_or m_e to leave again?" she whispered.

"Believe me, Bella, I do not have the strength to ever leave you again. I know you believe that I am this impossibly strong man who makes all the right decisions, but let me explain to you how weak I actually am. When I left, tearing not only myself, but my family, away from the first taste of happiness we had as a complete family, I couldn't even stay with them. I went off on my own, not wanting to submit them to my complete misery. I went to the most northern part of Alaska I could find, where there was no human population, as just rolled myself in my agony. I spent the majority of my days and nights curled up in a ball, wracked with pain.

Every time I closed my eyes all I saw was your face, all I heard was your voice. I didn't know how I was going to survive the rest of eternity without you, but I felt like I had to try, for you, Bella, only for you. I now see how wrong that was."

I kept my eyes on hers and gently pulled her into my lap, if my heart could beat, it would be racing as she pulled my face to hers and kissed my lips gently, then I just could not help myself I kissed her as I had never kissed her before. I wanted her feel my love for her, I wanted her to feel how much I had missed her, how much I needed her. Kissing her deeply and running my tongue gently acrossed her opened lips, I laid her back on her bed, and when I felt that she needed to breath, I gave her gently kisses all the way down her jawline and neck till I was able to rest my cheek against her chest and listen to the sweetest sound in the universe, her heart. I rubbed my thumb a crossed the apple of her cheek as I listened to her try to catch her breath. "Bella, please believe me, I love you and I will do anything to prove that to you, to earn you trust back." I looked up into her eyes and said softly "just tell me what you need me to do, and I will do it."

Bella looked at me and pulled me back up until I was laying at her side, she looked into my eyes and took her fingers and ran them over my features. I smiled as it reminded me of our first day in the meadow, when she did the same thing. A small smile lit up her face as she said "you really are here, aren't you? I'm not dreaming?" I laughed quietly, and said with a smirk, "no you're not dreaming, you're not that creative!" The smile on her face was the most beautiful thing I had seen in months, "kiss me" she whispered, and I did. I kissed her softly over and over again. I kissed her deeply and with more force that I had ever done, I kissed her until she was gasping for breath. Then we just laid side by side and watch each other, tracing our fingers over each others face, getting to know each other again.

"Bella, your father will be here in 15 minutes." Bella suddenly jumped up "Charlie,oh... he is going to freak'" she said as she spun around and looked at me with panic on her face. I stood up and walk over to her and pulled her to my chest. "Bella, it will be okay. We will make it okay, I promise. I need to go to the house, the rest of family is arriving tonight and we need to get things in order."

She looked into my eyes with such fear I had to pull her close and whisper, "I am sure Charlie is not going to be happy about my return. I do not want there to be any friction in you life, so we will have to ease him into this slowly." I lifted her face with my finger so she was looking into my eyes "I will be back in less than two hours, I promise you, as the man who loves you with every fiber of his being, when you are done with dinner, I will be here waiting, okay?" She nodded her head, but her eyes still held uncertainty, "You will be back, honestly?" she whispered, "I will" I kissed her forehead and headed toward the window when suddenly she yelled, "Wait" she said excitingly "everyone is coming back, Alice.. everyone?" I turned and took her in my arms, "yes, my love, we are all back. Alice is so excited I'm surprised she hasn't bounced into your window" I chuckled, "but I made her promise she would wait until I talked to you.

Charlie is right down the street, I should go." She reached up and kissed me with all the passion she had in her tiny body. She looked deep into my eyes "_I will _see you soon?" she asked. "Before you even have time to miss me" I told her as I kissed her forehead. She sighed, "I already do."

BPOV

"Bella??" Charlie yelled as he came in the door. "yeah, Dad" I said, as I came down the steps "I'll have dinner ready shortly, I wasn't sure you would be home, how are the Clearwaters?" I looked up at Charlie, and froze, he looked so tense, "Dad..." "Bella, sit down" he said as he pulled out a kitchen chair, "dinner can wait, I really need to talk to you about something and I don't want you to overreact."

"Okay, Dad, what is it?" as Charlie started pacing through the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair. He started several time to say something, but stopped and paced some more. "Um...Dad, what is it, you are beginning to scare me, did something happen at LaPush,?" suddenly I was frightened, "Is it Jake, did something..." Charlie grabbed me around the waist and hugged me "NO, no Bella, everything is the fine at LaPush, or as fine as it can be with Harry's death, please sit" Charlie took a deep breath

"Bella I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to say it." "I wish you would" I said as he started pacing again. He turned around sharply and looked at me "Bella, the Cullens are back." Suddenly I started shaking, even though I had spent the last five hours with Edward, there was still part of my mind that didn't believe he was really back, I still thought I was dreaming. But if Charlie said they were back, I knew it wasn't a dream, that he was really back. "Are you..how...their here.??" I stuttered.

Charlie pulled a chair up to mine and took my hand in his, "Doc Snow was down at the rez, and said that Carlisle was at the hospital. Apparently Esme didn't take well to Los Angeles, didn't like the big city, so they had decided to come back to Forks, the hospital was thrilled and welcomed him back with open arms. He said they would be moving back this weekend, but Sam came and said he had seen Alice and the big guy, um Emmett, going toward the old Cullen place, so apparently they are back now. Bells, are you okay?" All I could do was shake my head, tears forming in my eyes as I looked up at Charlie. "Yeah, I think so, I don't know." I took a deep breath and got up to start busying myself with dinner.

"Bella, I know this is going to be hard for you but you just have to stay away from _him." _Charlie said. "I can talk to the school, make sure they understand what he did to you." "NO" I shouted "no, please Dad" I whispered "I will handle it myself."

I didn't know what else to say. I was still so confused about Edward's return. All I knew for sure was I loved him and he was back, but how was I going to handle everyone else in my life. Everyone who had watched me fall apart and try to survive all those months he was gone. Charlie and Jacob who had watched me try to pull myself together, never quite accomplishing it. Jacob knew Edward was a vampire. I could explain to him why Edward had left, to protect me, he wouldn't understand, his hatred for Edward was so intense, but at least I could provide him an explanation, but Charlie, what could I tell Charlie?? All he knew was that Edward had just disappeared, left me, alone, to wander the forest, lost and broken. That there had not been a single letter or phone call. No contact at all. How could I explain this to Charlie.

I felt Charlie's arms circle my waist. "Bells, whatever you want. I have faith that you can handle this, but I saw what he did to you. How broken you were. You are just beginning to return to your old self. Thanks to Jacob. Are you sure you have the strength to handle seeing him again?" I rolled my eyes "Dad, I honestly don't know" I kept my eyes down, hoping he wouldn't see through my lies. "I need time to think about this, okay Dad? Sit, eat tell me how things are with Sue and her family, how are they holding up? I need to think about anything, anything but the Cullens."

Charlie and I talked about everything except Edward's return. How sad the funeral had been, how hard Sue and Leah were taking Harry's sudden death. How proud he was of Seth. That he had really stepped up and become the man of the house, looking after every need his mother had, even though he was only fifteen and had just lost his father. Charlie told me how strong the Quilelutes were in supporting each other. How proud Billy was of Jacob, that he had stepped up and made all the arrangements with Seth so Sue wouldn't have to do a thing. After Charlie had finished dinner and I had pushed my food around to make it look like I was eating, he helped me do the dishes and gave me a big hug. Which was so out of character for him. "You want me to stay home and we can pop some popcorn and watch a sappy movie?" he asked with a grin. "No thanks Dad, really I'm okay. I just want to take a hot shower and go to bed." I said as I gave him a big hug.

"You sure?" he asked, "Why don't you come to LaPush with me, Jacob would love to see you, and I don't want you here alone." "Dad." I sighed "please, go back to LaPush, I really am fine. I going to take a shower and go to bed. I will deal with everything tomorrow, okay...go."

"If you are sure. I'm going to check on the Clearwaters, then I need to go to the station, we are still a little short handed with Mark out with his wife and new baby, so I am going to pull the grave yard shift. I am only a phone call away if you need me." "Sure Dad, believe me I will be asleep before you get to LaPush. Go I really am okay."

I cleaned up the kitchen a little more, checked to make sure all the door were locked and started upstairs. I felt my chest clutch slightly, wondering if Edward was back. It had been over two hours, but I guess my insecurities were still pretty strong. I took a quick shower, changed into my sweats and tank top and walked slowly to my bedroom. I pushed the door opened..and there sitting on my bed was Edward. He looked up and smiled his crooked smile and I flew into his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to read my twist on New Moon!!

Thanks for the reviews and advice. They are so appreciated.

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I am just borrowing them for awhile.

BPOV

"Your back" I smiled up at Edward as I threw my arms around his neck. He kissed me deeply and looked into my eyes, "I understand how you can doubt my word, but I am here and will be here for as long as you want me." he whispered softly, while brushing my hair back from my neck and planting soft kisses from the hollow of my neck to my collarbone and back again, causing me to shiver slightly, not from the cold of his touch, but from the thrill of the feeling. For the first time since he had left I truly felt alive.

He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, "Charlie is upset." he said, more as a statement than a question. I nodded my head, "He is, I am not sure how to explain your complete absence from my life. He wants me to stay away from you." I looked up at him and saw the sadness in his eyes. "You can't blame him, can you. He is your father, and I am the man who hurt his little girl for no good reason. He has every right to hate me, as do you.." I started to protest, but he stopped me by placing gentle kisses on my lips.

I knew I would have to deal with Charlie (and Jacob's) opinion of Edward being back in my life, but right now, I just wanted to enjoy being with Edward. Suddenly there was a loud banging on my window, and I heard "Keep it clean kids, were coming in" and heard Emmett's loud booming laugh. Next thing I knew, one after another, Emmett, Jasper and Alice were standing in my small bedroom, smiling. I leaped off the bed and threw myself at Alice, slamming into her small frame, and almost breaking my body, I forgot how hard she was. I was laughing and crying and hugging everyone, I didn't think I would every feel this much happiness again.

"Oh Alice, I have missed you so much, I am so happy to see you" She frowned up at me, and asked "then why are you crying??" "Believe me they are happy tears, oh and Emmett I have even missed you," I shouted and he pulled me into a big bear hug and spun me around the room. "I've missed you to, little sister, more than you know. I wanted to beat the crap out of my brother and try to knock some sense into his head, but he ran away an hid so I couldn't find him, and this little pixie," pointing to Alice, "would not budge, it telling me where he was."Alice stuck her tongue out at Emmett as Edward snorted, "Em she was only respecting my wishes, something I know you don't understand, now would you please put Bella down before you break her."

I walked slowly up to Jasper, "Hello, Jasper, I am so glad you are here." He looked at me, smiling slightly, "I needed to be here, to tell you how sorry I am you had to go through this because of me..."

"Jasper" I heard Edward say quietly, "nobody blames you, everything was entirely my fault, my decisions" I heard Jasper take a deep breath and instantly, felt a wave of calm surround the room, I looked around at all their faces and said in what I hoped was a firm voice, "No one is to blame, the only thing that matters is you are here now, and I couldn't be happier, I feel like I have my family back and I love you all."

We all spent the next hour catching up and laughing, until suddenly I yawned and Edward told everyone it was time to leave. I promised Alice we would meet tomorrow, just us girls and spend the day together. I kissed each of them goodnight and watched them leave.

I turned to look at Edward. He took my hands in his and said "I don't deserve their love or their forgiveness. I hurt them as well, when I made them leave, and they did it without question, well that is not entirely true, Alice threw a little hissy fit and it took Carlisle to calm her down, but they have all forgiven me and welcome me home without regret" He looked into my eyes, "as have you, I am so unworthy"

I reached up on my tiptoes so I could reach his lips and kissed him, taking his face into my hand and looking straight into his eyes I told him "Edward, that is what love is all about. Everyone makes mistakes, trips and falls, sometimes, but the people that love you, will always forgive you unconditionally." He smiled down at me, "You are incredible, and much more intelligent that I am." I snorted, like that could ever be the case, "Anyway" he said, 'it's late, you need to sleep" He picked me up in one arm, pulled down my comforter and tucked me tightly into bed. Lying next to me, he brushed my hair away from my face. I didn't what to sleep, I just wanted to look at his face forever. I was afraid if I closed my eyes, he would disappear again. But when he started humming my lullaby, I was asleep in a matter of minutes.

EPOV

I could watch Bella sleep forever. I had missed this so much. Watching her breath in and breath out, as silly as it sound, is was the most beautiful sound in my world. As she slept, her face would make different movements, she would involuntarily lick her lips, or twitch her nose, so beautiful. Then she would toss and turn, she always did move around so much, it is a wonder she wasn't more exhausted when she woke up than when she went to sleep. Then several times a night she would whisper my name, the sound was magic to my ears.

She was such an amazing woman. To be able to welcome me back into her life, after how I had hurt her. I knew I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but she gave it so willingly. Maybe she was right, maybe that is what love was about. I know there was nothing she could do that I wouldn't forgive.

I could still see the doubt in her eyes every now and then, she tried to hide it from me, but I knew it would take time to have her completely trust me again. As I watched her sleep, I whispered to her "Bella, I will spend the rest of my existence earning your trust back, and to be deserving of your unselfish love." Then I settled in the watch her sleep till morning.

I heard Charlie arrive home in the early hours of Sunday morning. Bella had not stirred for several hours, so I knew she was deep into her sleep pattern. I laid on the floor beside her bed, when Charlie opened the door to check on her. I would hate to think what his reaction would be is he saw me here now. But he never entered her room, just softly closed her door and went to his room.

About two hours after I heard Charlie start to snore, Bella began to stir. She reached out her hand searching for mine, I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Good Morning" I said quietly, she giggled, another sound that would never grow old to my ears, and reached over to kiss her cheek.

She started to speak, but I place my finger on her lips to remind her "Charlie is asleep shhh" She grinned up at me and pulled herself closer to my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck. With her mouth right next to my ear she whispered "have I told you how happy I am that you are back?" I chuckled under my breath and answered "several times."

She kissed my earlobe and sent a shiver down my spine,"I just want you to know, I forgive you and I understand why you felt you had to leave, but..." she looked in to my eyes, her expression so serious, "if you break my heart again, I will kill you." It took all my self control to keep from laughing out loud, she was so precious when she was trying to be angry. I kissed her gently and told her "If I ever do anything to hurt you again, you have my permission to kill me." I look and her and could not help but smirk, she narrowed her eyes at me "Don't you laugh at me Edward Cullen", "Never, my sweet Bella, never." I pulled her close and kissed her with all the passion I had in my body.

We quietly discussed the plans for today. I was going to the house, and Alice was going to come over to take Bella shopping. Alice needed new clothes, after pretending to live in LA, like Alice needed an excuse to shop.

It would be the first test for Charlie, seeing one of the Cullens back, not that he would object to Alice, he had always adored Alice, especially after the events last spring in Phoenix. We were hoping Alice would be able to get a look at what Charlie's reaction would be to _me. _Not that we really needed to gauge his reaction. He was going to do everything in his power to keep Bella away from me, but I knew Bella would not stand for it. We agreed to play it by ear as to when I would be introduced back into the picture. We would still have school and our nights together. Bella had been ready to tell Charlie immediately that she had forgiven me and if he didn't like it she would remind him that she was eighteen and legally an adult and could make her own decisions, and if he didn't like it, she would move out. It took some time but I had convinced her not to be hasty. To see things from Charlie's point of view, he would not understand that I had to leave to protect her. He didn't know about us being vampires and the danger we represented. All he saw was a teenage boy who had devastated his daughter for no reason. After much talk she had agreed to take it slow and see how it played out.

When we began to hear Charlie stir, I kissed her and told her I would see her later. I reminder her to be patient. I turned as I was about to leap from her window, "Oh and Bella, remember when Alice arrives, this is the first time you've seen her.. ok." She gave me a small smile and nodded her head.

BPOV

After I heard Charlie go downstairs, I went and took a shower, dressed and went down to the kitchen, where he was cooking breakfast. "Hey Dad, how was work." trying desperately to act normal. Charlie looked over at me with concern in his eyes, this was not going to be easy. "Quiet, how was your evening?" I heard the unasked questions in his tone. "Just like yours, I studied for the calculus test I have been struggling with and went to bed."

He place a big plate of bacon and eggs before me with a grin on his face, "I thought I would cook for you for a change." Breakfast was about the only meal Charlie knew how to cook. I don't know how he survived for seventeen years before I showed up. I smiled at him "Thanks, this is really good." I said as I began to eat, "and a nice treat, we don't get to see each other in the morning much." We ate in silence, but I noticed he would glance at me every few seconds, trying hard to be discreet about it. Edward was right, I had to be careful with Charlie. He was going to fight any attempt to have Edward back into my life, but I would find a way to do it. I had to.

I jumped when I heard a loud pounding on the door. I wasn't expecting Alice for another hour, so I was surprise. Charlie threw down his napkin and stomped to the door, shouting, "I'll get it" letting me knew he thought it was probably Edward.

I started to clean up the breakfast dishes, when I heard Jacob's voice. Charlie and Jacob were trying to keep their voice down, but it was hard, for Jake. I took a deep breath. This was going to be hard, I hadn't been planning on dealing with Jacob, quite yet. "Hey, Bells" Jacob said, as he pulled me into a tight hug. "Hey, Jak..uh can't breath here." "Oh sorry, Bella I'm just glad to see you." he put me down but kept me held tight to him as he looked into my eyes. "Jake I just saw you two days ago, and you have been dealing with some serious stuff at LaPush" letting my eyes tell him I wasn't just t talking about Harry's death, reminding him with my eyes about Victoria.

He let me go, "yeah, I guess it just seems like longer." I started washing the dishes when Charlie cleared his throat, "Well, I will let you kids talk, I am..going..to go.. check on Sue, I will be back soon Bella." I finished the dishes while Jake sat at the table drinking coffee and watching me work. When I was done, I took a deep breath and turned to face him. "OK Jake, what ?Did Charlie call you to come babysit me? Is he afraid to leave me alone because Edward is back? Do you both think that Bella needs to be watched in case she flips out again what?" I snapped at him, but I couldn't help my anger. It was so obvious what they were doing. "Charlie is worried about you. Can you blame him? I can't believe those filthy bloodsuckers have the nerve to show back up here again. You aren't going to go anywhere near them, Bella, do you hear me. We can't protect you because of the treaty, but you have to promise me to stay away from them." I just stared at Jacob in disbelief. I tried several times to say something, but my anger was so great I stopped myself, amazing even myself that I could do that, but I heard Edward's voice telling me to be calm. Jacob had been pacing around the kitchen, mumbling to himself about the "damn treaty" and "bloody leeches" when finally I had had enough.

As calmly as possible I look at him and said "Excuse me, but did I just hear you tell me that I was not to go anywhere near the Cullens??? Where in the hell do you get off telling me what I can and can't do. What makes you think that the Cullens want anything to do with me. And I am sure by '_the Cullens' _you mean Edward. Let me remind you Jacob Black, that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I do not need to be watched, protected or have decisions made for me. If _I decide _that I want to see Edward, I will see Edward. Regardless of what you or Charlie or anyone else thinks I should do! _Do we understand each other."_ I look at Jake's shock face, but I didn't care. I was furious.

Jacob just stared at me for what seemed like hours. Never moving just looking deep into my eyes. I refused to look away, and I refused to speak. Slowly, he approached me "Oh my god, you have already seen him, haven't you. He has already been here. Or did you run to him and beg him to take you back the minute you heard he was here?

Before I could even think I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. I knew it wouldn't hurt him, but it was a reflex. He just looked at me, never even acknowledging the slap. "Answer me" he growled. "I think it is time for you to leave," I said. He grabbed my arm as I turn away and pulled me to him. I just look down at his arm and told him "get you hands off of me, now." He dropped his hand and sat down in the kitchen chair and softly said "I'm sorry Bella, I know I overstepped my boundaries, but I know you and you are too calm. You are angry at the wrong things. That tells me only one thing, you have seen Edward. Not only have you seen him, you have let him back into you life." I looked at him not sure how I wanted to answer him. He was right, he knew me too well, he would know I was lying. I decided to take the easy out and not answer him at all.

We just sat and stared at each other. I watched as realization and pain entered his eyes. He finally reached over and took my hand gently in his. "Bella, please, don't do this. Please I am begging you. He almost destroyed you. I watched you fade away from life because of him. You cannot just forgive him and let him back into your life. What happens next time, do you really think you could survive him walking away from you again?"

"He won't" I whispered.

Jacob jumped up from the table and I could tell he was fighting with everything he had not to start yelling at me again. "Jake, you need to know why he left. He thought he had a good reason." Jake laughed, "Okay this should be good, what excuse did the bloodsucker give for leaving you broken and hurt on the forest floor, like a piece of trash that he had scraped off his shoe.?"

"Please sit down Jacob, and try to listen to me calmly." It took him a few minutes but he finally sat down and looked down at the floor. I knew he was afraid to look at me, because I would see the anger in his eyes

. "I want you to stay calm and promise me to listen to before you say anything. Do you think you can do that?" Jacob shook his head yes, and I took his hand in mine and looked into his eyes.  
"Yes, Edward has been here." I felt his fingers tighten around mine, but he never said a word "he left because he thought it was the best thing to do for wanted me to have a "normal human" life. He knew his being with me was dangerous and he made the decision to leave _for me._

He tried to stay away but he couldn't. He loves me Jake" I couldn't help but smile. "and I love him. He is back to stay. What is going to happen with us, I don't know. I know I want him in my life, but he has agreed to take it slow and let me have the time I need to make whatever decision I need to make. Can you at least try to understand that?" Jacob slowly shook his head."It's a shame he can't stick to a decision."

He stood up and walk over to me, he knelt down in front of me "Bella, I care about you and I do not want to see you hurt, by Edward or anyone else. This is your decision, and I know you well enough that you are going to do whatever you want, no matter what I say. But if you decide to let him back in your life, I can't be in it. I am not trying to make you choose, but because of the treaty, I can't..." he stood up and walk toward the door. "Jake, wait...what do you mean you can't be in my life? You are my best friend, just because Edward is here doesn't change that." "Yes Bells it does, it changes everything, I have to go."

He got to the door before I caught up with him, "I don't understand, you are my friend what..." He took me in his arms and gave me a hug, "We are sworn enemies Bella, I can't fight him, because I must honor the treaty. I am sure he will not allow you to come to LaPush for the same reason, so that means we can't see each other." I looked at him. "Edward, will not dictate to me who I can and cannot see or where I can go, no matter what you think. He is not like that." Jake gave me a sad smile, "maybe you should talk to him about that." He kissed my forehead, "see you Bells" and went out the door. I started to close the door when I remember something, I ran after him "Jake, please don't say anything to Charlie, I need to tell him this my way, can you do that for me?" He stared at me for a few minutes, "He needs to know Bella so he can be prepared for any fall out, but he won't hear it from me." and with that he was gone.

I closed the door behind me and walked to the kitchen, I leaned against the counter and tried to figure out why my life couldn't be simple,instead of a continuous strain. Who else has mythical creatures in their life. Mythical creatures who are sworn enemies. If if wasn't so sad it would be funny. But I was determined to make this work. With Edward and with Jacob.

**All reviews and suggestions are appreciated.**

**Let me know what you think.**

**Things get tense between Bella and Charlie next chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer...damn it!

Charlie had just been home about 20 minutes when there was a light tapping at the front door. Before I could yell that I would get it, Charlie had bounded toward the door. Charlie never answered the door. I just rolled my eyes, he could not honestly believe Edward would show up and knock on his door.

"Hi Charlie" I heard Alice say softly, "How are you?" Charlie didn't say anything for a minute, then I heard. "Alice, Alice Cullen, how are you? It's been a long time." Yes Charlie it has been way to long. Would it be okay to see Bella?" Charlie struggled for a few minutes, then said "yes, yes Alice, of course, where are my manners? I was just so shocked to see you." Before he shut the door, he glanced around the yard. "Uhmm did you come alone or should we be expecting more Cullens?"

"No,Charlie, just me" Alice said in her small voice," everyone else is unpacking, but I realized that all I had with me were clothes from LA, which doesn't quite fit here in Forks, so I thought I stop by, I thought maybe I could convince Bella to go shopping with me. We have so much to catch up on."

Next thing I know Alice was flying to me and jumped up to hug me which is pretty funny considering she only comes up to my shoulders. She whispers so softly I knew Charlie would never hear her "remember you haven't seen me yet." Then much louder "Oh Bella, I have missed you so much. How are you, you must come shopping with me, I need your help, and we have so much to catch up on." I hugged her back and turned my back to Charlie, so my face would not give me away, "I can't believe you are really here Alice." Then I really didn't have to hide the tears, even though I had seen her already, part of me still could not believe the Cullen's were back, and I was crying tears of joy. Alice was bouncing up and down so much I swear she was vibrating. "Let's go shopping, Port Angeles awaits, I got rid of all my Forks clothes, I need all new ones for tomorrow." I glance at Charlie and couldn't help but notice the concern on his face. "You don't mind, do you Dad.?" He smiled a sad smile at Alice, "sure, Bells, go head, have fun. Not too late though, you do have school tomorrow." "No of course, we won't be too late, let me go change and I'll be right down, give me five minutes, Alice."

I went upstairs to change my shirt and grab my purse, that I never use. As I was heading back to the stairs, I heard Charlie and Alice talking softly. "Alice, you know I have always been very fond of you, but I am worried about what.... _EDWARD" _ you could hear the hatred in his voice "being back will do to her. You weren't here, you didn't see what he did to her. I can't stand by and let him hurt her again. I want you to try to keep him away from her."

I heard Alice sigh deeply, "Charlie, I don't know that I can do that. Bella and Edward are both adults, even if you don't see them that way. This is something they are going to have to deal with. Charlie sit with me," I heard Alice say quietly. I heard the kitchen chairs being pulled out, "true,I wasn't here to see how this separation affected Bella, but I was around Edward and I saw how it affected him. He crawled inside himself, and no one could reach him. He didn't want to leave, but it was a family thing. He was so miserable; this is one of the reason Esme decided that we should return to Forks. I know you don't want to hear this, Charlie, but Edward has never loved anyone besides Bella. The last seven, eight months have been very difficult for him, and his is even more terrified now, because he doesn't know what Bella's reaction to him is going to be." I heard Charlie slam across the kitchen, "He didn't seem to worried about Bella or her reaction when he left her. He never called, he never wrote! That is a little hard to see as love."

I figured it was time for me to interrupt this before Charlie has a stroke. "Hey, is every thing okay done here. Dad... you okay?" He took a deep breath "Sure, Bells, you go, have a good time, just not to late ok?" I went over and gave him a hug, "Thanks, Dad." He gave me a sad little grin and said "Go, enjoy yourself, you deserve it."

As we drove away from the house, I looked at Alice kind of awe struck. "What?" she asked. "You needed a story to tell your Dad about Edward, I just laid the ground work, pretty brilliant, if I do say so myself." she laughed her little twinkle laugh. "The family left to move to Los Angeles, Edward didn't have a choice in the matter, he had to go. He was just as upset as you and was so hurt by the distance between you he thought is would be easier if you two didn't keep it contact. That it would be too hard to be so far apart so he just cut all contact, so you could move on. Don't thank me, I know I am pure genius!!"

"Does Edward know about this? Was this he idea?" I asked. "No, just came up with it off the top of my head. You can tell him about this afternoon." she smiled. "Wait, what, I thought we were going shopping."

"No silly, _I'm_ going shopping, you are spending the afternoon with Edward." she grinned at me. I squealed and almost grabbed her but remembered she was driving. "You're kidding, right." This day just kept getting better and better. I had not really be paying attention to where she was driving, She started to slow down and I looked up and there at the end of the road, was Edward. Then I knew where we were. We were at the end of the road, where the trail (that we never took) lead to our meadow.

I jumped out of the car as soon as Alice stopped and ran into Edward's arms. "Did you plan this?" He picked me up and swung me around and kissed me deeply, before looking into my eyes "Yes, I thought we needed some time alone, to talk and figure things out before we make our appearance at school tomorrow. It's okay isn't it?" he asked, looking deeply into my eyes. It took me few seconds to remember where I was, I had almost forgotten how amazing his eyes were. "Of course it's ok,it is more than ok, it is perfect."

"Alright you two, we told Charlie she wouldn't be too late, so you need to have her back to our house before dark, so I can take her home. I will see you later." I ran over to Alice and hugged her tight. "thank you so much Alice, you know how much I love you right? You are the best." She smiled "I know, see you soon." Before we could turn around she was gone, and Edward pulled me into his arms. "I thought a picnic in our meadow would be nice."he smiled his crooked smile. How much I had missed that.

Edward grabbed a picnic basket out of the truck of the Volvo, and helped me onto his back and before I knew it we were flying toward the meadow. I laughed out loud and it felt so right. Before I knew it we had arrived at the meadow, there we wild flowers growing everywhere and I could hear the brook off in the distance. I shivered as I remembered the last time I was here, the first time I had seen the pack, when Laurent had tried to kill me. Edward helped me down and looked at me, "is this okay, I thought it would be nice to spend some time together that was special to us." I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "I love being here, with you, but I guess I need to tell you about the time I came here while you were gone."

As Edward spread out a blanket and a picnic lunch of cold chicken, cheese and bread, I told him the story of searching for the meadow, to try to find some connection to him, leaving out the part of hearing his voice I noticed his jaw get tight and how he would grimace as I told him of finding Laurent here and how the pack had saved me, but I didn't know they were not actually wolves at the time. By the time I had finished my story, Edward was holding me tight against his chest,stroking my hair. "Bella" he said "I... I am so sorry, if only I had known, if only Alice had seen,I would have been here." I stopped him before he could beat himself up any more "Edward, you are here now, and that is all that matters." He kissed me and ran his fingers through my hair. "I guess I have another reason to be grateful to Jacob Black and his friends." he didn't look happy as he said this.

Edward kissed my forehead and handed me a plate filled with enough food for three people and said eat. I hadn't realized how hungry I was and I ate until my stomach hurt, I said "Thank you, that was really good and it tasted home cooked." I smiled as I looked at him. "Food Channel" he grinned. "you cooked this, that was incredible." He took my plate and place everything into the picnic basket and gathered me into his arms. "Anything for you my love." I just looked at him in awe, "you really are amazing?" I told him as I kissed his cheek.

After we cleaned up all the food and pack everything back in the picnic basket, Edward sat with his back against one of the beautiful trees, he took the blanket and wrapped it around me so I could lay back against his chest. He ran his fingers gently up and down my arms, while resting his cheek on top of my head. I was so comfortable and stuffed with food, I almost fell asleep, which I didn't want to do.

I shifted my position so I could look up into his face. I whispered softly, "I still find it hard to believe you're back. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and find that this is all a dream." He gently kissed my forehead, then planted soft kissed down my cheeks until he reached my lips "I am here for as long as you want me to be." he said as he pulled me into a deep kiss. He pulled back when he realized I had to breath, but continued to kiss my neck and jawline.

Edward sat up straight and pulled me so I was facing him, he held my shoulders and said "Bella, there is something we need to talk about, and I don't want you to get upset, but we need to deal with a few things." I stiffened in his arms but he pulled me close and said "it is nothing bad, but we need to talk about some issues." I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but compassion "Alright, what is it?" I said.

"Jacob Black" he said. "What about him?" I asked curtly. "I know he was a good friend to you and he helped you and protected you when I...couldn't" he stated as I watched the pain mar his expression. "But he is dangerous to be around." I tried to interrupt "Jacob would..." I touched my lips with his fingertips "Please let me finish, then I will hear what you have to say" I nodded and looked up at him. He took a deep breath and continued "I know you think you know him, and you think that he is safe. But I also know you have seen Emily." I nodded thinking about the scars that Emily carried for life from Sam. "I have seen Sam's mind, and I know he loves Emily _**almost**_ as much as I love you, and you see what happened to her when she was to close. This is something Sam will carry with him forever.

"So you see, even though Jacob loves you, he may not be able to keep from hurting you. And if that happened I don't think I would be able to stop myself from killing him, then there would be an all out war, because the treaty would be broken. " I felt the tears begin to fall as I watched how hard this was for him to say. He took my thumbs and brushed away my tears. "Bella, I will not stop you from seeing Jacob, if that is your wish, but I need you to understand why I am so opposed to it." I looked up at his face and saw nothing but love and maybe fear, but fear for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I don't think that will be a problem, Jake is pretty upset with me." I muttered. "He will get over it, " Edward stated, "Now I need to ask you some questions that you are not going to like, but I want you to be as honest as you possibly can, do not try to space my feelings, think about you answers and tell me the truth. I can deal with whatever you say. " All I could do was nod my head to let him know to go on, I didn't trust my voice.

"Jacob Black was there for you when you needed him, it is very obvious that he is in love with you. What I need to know, is are you in love with him?" I just stared at Edward, not believing what I was hearing. "No Edward, I am not in love with, Jacob" I said a little to sharply. I took a breath so I could calm down a little, "that is not entirely sure, I do love Jacob" I saw something flash across his face, but he composed himself quickly, "I love him like a brother, that is all I have ever felt for him. I know he wants our relationship to be more, but I have always been up front with him. He knows how I feel about you, and even if you had never come back, it would have always be you. Believe that if you don't believe anything else."He pulled my tight against his chest and I kissed his neck as he said, "Thank you Bella, for loving me, for forgiving me, when I so don't deserve it." There is nothing to forgive" I responded, "we all made mistakes" I looked at him "just don't do it again." I glared at him, He smiled down at me and whispered "Never"

"Second question" he said. I groaned, then thought nothing can be as hard to answer as the question about Jacob....boy was I wrong. "your Dad and how we are going to deal with him." that was the questions I ...wasn't sure anyone had the answer for. "I heard what Alice told Charlie, but what do you think? He hates the very ground I walk on, for what I did to you, and I don't blame him, but do you think he is going to accept any explanation?' I sighed and bit my lower lip while I thought over Alice's suggestion, it sounded good, but I wasn't sure Charlie would think any explanation would suffice.

After a while I answered "I really don't know, but whether he accepts it or not, it doesn't matter. He can either accept the fact that you are back and with me, or I will move out, I am eighteen and that means I am legally an adult." "Bella, please don't start any thing over me, I don't deserve it." I lifted his chin up with my hand and looked in his eyes, "Edward Cullen don't you ever say or think that, You are so deserving of everything good. You are the kindest person I have ever known in my life, and if Charlie knew the real reason you left, he would be able to forgive and accept you as I have." Edward laughed, "If Charlie knew the real reason I left, he would be chasing me all over Forks, with a wooden stake, not that it would do any good." I smiled, pulled myself tight against his chest and said "I love you, I need you and Jacob and my Dad are just going to have to deal with it. I can live with whatever the fall out is, I cannot live without you. He kissed me and said "you will never have to, my love."

When it started to drizzle, Edward decided it was time to get me home. We arrived at the Cullen's shortly before dark, and Esme and Carlisle hugged me tightly and told be how glad they were to see me They genuinely seemed to be happy for Edward and me. If only Charlie could do the same, but I knew that would never happen. After spending a few minutes talking, Alice decided it was time to get me home, before Charlie got to anxious. I kissed everyone bye and promised to be back soon. Edward walked me and Alice to the car, when I noticed about six shopping bags, still in the car. "You want Edward to take them in?" I asked Alice, She giggled "Don't be silly, Bella those are yours, I already took mine in." My eyes widen "Alice, what did you do?" She smiled, "hey Charlie thinks you went shopping, that is the proof, my treat." I guess that made since but as usual Alice went overboard. I kissed Edward goodbye and felt the pain in my chest begin. Being without him for even a few hours was heartbreaking. "I will be by as soon as Charlie is asleep."

Charlie was watching TV when I walked in the house. "Bella," he called, "Yeah Dad it's just me."

He looked at all the bags, "wow you did some serious shopping" I rolled my eyes, and we both said "Alice" and laughed, "she got a little carried away." He stood and just looked at me. "I looked at him and said "Well I better get these things upstairs."

"Bells, wait, can I talk to you for a minute?' What is this today? The Spanish Inquisition? "Sure Dad whats up?" He started pacing so I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Did you and Alice talk about _**him? **_He asked, spitting out the word him. "If you are referring to Edward, yes we talked about him. He is her brother." He sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, "are you going to see him." _See him, hell yea, I already had seen him_. "It will be a little hard in a school of only 300 plus students." I answered "You know what I mean Bella, stop avoiding the question" I pulled out the chair and looked at Charlie. "Yes, Dad I am going to see him and talk to him, I have to. I have to hear his explanation." I heard Charlie push back from the table. "Explanation" he yelled, there is no explanation for what he did." he yelled, "and it is unforgivable" "Maybe to you, but not to me, nothing is unforgivable." Charlie just stared at me like I had grown another head. I got up and walked up to him "Dad, I love him, that hasn't changed, I don't know what is going to happen when we talk" (yeah right, I am surprised he didn't see right through that one) "You of all people should know what it would be like to be given a second chance. To lose someone you love and get a chance to do it right." He look at me dumbfounded "what the hell are you talking about?" "Oh come on Dad" I said getting a little mad myself, "this house is practically a shrine to Mom, You haven't changed a thing since she left, you still have you wedding picture on the mantle, for God's sake." You know if she walked back into this house and ask for another chance you would welcome her back with open arms, no questions asked. So don't tell me it is wrong to see Edward." Charlie just stood there and stared at me. I knew I had hit below the belt, but he needed to understand the truth.

He finally looked at me dumbstrucked, "That was not the same thing, Bella and you know it." Why because you were married? That doesn't make the love any less real and you were not that much older than Edward and I are, so please try to understand why I have to try." He didn't say anything, just walked back into the living room and flopped on the couch.

After Charlie went to bed, Edward, true to his word climbed through me window. I couldn't help but smile, He gathered me in his arms and said "hey shouldn't be sleeping? Back to school tomorrow." I can sleep now that you are here." I explained,. He chuckled and pulled me against his chest and started humming my lullaby. I was sleep in moments.

I woke up in the morning to Edward planting soft kisses up and down my jaw line. I smiled up at him and said "You are much better than an alarm clock" I reach to pull him down for a real kiss, "Sshh, your Dad is still home." he whispered. "I will see you at school. Alice and I have to go early to register." He kissed me deeply and went to the window, turning to give me his crooked grin and he was gone. I took a deep breath, and felt a slight twinge in my chest, I missed him already.

I got dressed, gathered my books and went down to the kitchen. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper, which was very unusual, he was always gone before I got up. I knew this had to do with Edward. I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and sat down across from him .I stared at him until he looked up at me "What?" he asked. "Why are you home." He put down the paper, "The last time I checked I lived here." I just shook my head, "you are always gone by this time of morning. I am just curious as why you are still here this morning. But maybe you just realized you work to hard, maybe Harry's death, made you see you shouldn't spend all day at work. Sorry, it just surprised me."

He stood up a put his arm around me which was very unusual, neither one of us was very demonstrative in our feeling with each other. He turned me around and look me in the eyes, "Bella, I'm just worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt again. I don't think either one of us could take it." I gave Dad a hug and said "I know Dad. All I am going to do is talk to Edward. I don't know what is going to happen, just let me handle it okay?" I said as I turned around to do my dishes, so he wouldn't see my face. I hated lying to Charlie, but I had to be careful. "Okay, Bells, I am just a phone call away if you need me. Just be careful okay, " He was quiet for a moment, then he said softly, "I love you Bells." I felt the tears begin in my eyes, "I love you too, Dad." "Okay, then... I will see you tonight.." he said as he walked out the door.

I drove to school, shortly after Charlie, left. Even though Edward had only been gone a few hours I missed him like crazy. As I pulled into the parking lot, I smiled, to see Edward's Volvo park in the same place it use to be. It felt so normal. Alice and Edward were leaning against the rear of the car and I could not park the truck fast enough. I jumped out and started over to them, when I froze. Alice was walking over to me, but Edward was standing perfectly still, looking at the ground. My heart clutched, had something happened, had he realized he had made a mistake coming back? He didn't even look at me. I felt Alice hug me and as she did she whispered in my ear, "You Dad is parked on the other side of the building, don't turn around, just play this out like you haven't seen Edward. Walk slowly toward him and he will do the same.?" I was furious, "I cannot believe Charlie would follow me to school, What does he think he is going to see? Edward leaving me again? Why can't he just let me handle this?"

By this time Edward and reached Alice and me, he looked at me with the saddest look in his eyes, "Bella, he is just looking out for you, he loves you. Just walk with me, he isn't moving, so I am guessing he just wants to see how this is going to play out." We walked slowly toward the school, not touching, I am sure it look to anyone like two people just having a serious conversation. When we reached to common area, we sat on the bench outside of the main door. "Is he still there?" I asked Edward, he nodded his head watching me carefully. "I hope I don't get shot for this." he smiled as he reached up to place a piece of my hair that had fallen out of my twist and place in back in place. He laughed softly, "I guess that did it, he is leaving. Come on lets get to class."

School was the only thing that felt normal, back to pre zombie Bella days. Edward was able to resume his class schedule from before he left so we had practically every class together. People still looked at us in amazement, unable to believe we were back together. Jessica speaking to me for the first time since our movie disaster, said "I can't believe you just welcome him back with open arms how lame is that?" I didn't even justify her with an answer, you can't explain our connection.

When Edward and I were talking in the parking lot, trying to make plans for the afternoon, Alice came up, "Sorry guys, Charlie is home, so Bella you better go straight there, alone." I sighed "what is he doing, is there no crime in Forks all of a sudden, no traffic tickets to write? Maybe I should go knock over the bank, to give him something to do!" Edward chuckled, and pulled me close for a quick kiss, "At least he is not going to class with you." "Don't give him any ideas" I said. Edward opened my truck door, and said "Go talk to Charlie, I will see you later, I promise."

I parked the truck in my usual place in front of the house. I took a deep breath as I noticed the cruiser in the driveway. I knew this was not going to be easy. I walked into the house and yelled "Okay, Dad, why are you home in the middle of the day?" I walked into the kitchen. Charlie was sitting at the table, just staring into space. I sat down across from him and said "So... lets get this over with." Charlie just looked at me for the longest time. Finally his said, "How's Edward?" It was hard to missed the tension in his voice. I just looked at him for a long time. How do I make him understand Edward and me, when I wasn't sure I understood Edward and me.

"Dad" I began "Edward is good, he was as miserable as I was when we were apart. He admits he didn't handle the separation correctly, not contacting me at all." He started to interrupt, but I stop him "please let me finish, then you can yell if you want" I smiled at him, but he didn't even notice, "Edward hurt me deeply by leaving. He was hurt also, but he had to go. He is back now, and we are going to be together and try to make this work. I don't know what the future holds, all I know is Edward is going to be a part of mine and I am going to be a part of his. I hope that you can accept that, because that is the way it is going to be. Hopefully you can accept this, if not I can move out." I watched as Charlie started to turn several different shades of red, trying to control his temper. "I don't want to move out, Dad, my I am going to be where Edward is. If he is not welcomed here in your home, then I will just be spending more time at the Cullen's."

Charlie paced back and forth across the small kitchen for what seemed liked hours before he finally looked at me "Bella, I don't know if I can forgive Edward for what he did to you. I don't want you to move out. This is not just my home, it is your home, please know that. There is no guarantee that Edward won't hurt you again." I started to argue but he held his hand up, "I listened to you, now you listen to me." I nodded, not liking where this was going. "Legally there is nothing I can do to stop you from seeing Edward. You are 18, but regardless, of how old you are you are still my little girl, and it is my job to protect you." He came over to me and placed his hand on my cheek, "I love you Bells, please be careful." I felt the tears form in my eyes, because I knew how hard that was for Charlie. "I will Dad" I answered softly.

**A/N So is all good in the Forks world? Of course not this is Bella and Edward, nothing is easy. **

**Each must make hard decisions next.  
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**Reviews are appreciated.  
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	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrowed them for a bit.**_

_**BPOV**_

Things were back to normal, or normal for a simple girl from Phoenix who moved to Forks, Washington, with no hopes or dreams. Just a wish to give her mother some much needed space with her new husband. For a simple girl who fell in love with a vampire, who broke her heart, but returned to put her heart back together. For a simple girl whose best friend was a werewolf, and hated the vampire she loved. Yes, life was back to normal for me.

School was almost over. Edward, Alice and I were set to graduate in less than a week Charlie allowed Edward into the house for a few hours every evening, even though he wasn't happy about it.. Edward had me fill out college application constantly, even though most of the deadlines had passed. Not that I had any hope of getting into a really good college, but Edward would just smile, so I knew he was up to something, even though he denied it.

One Friday afternoon while Edward and I were sitting around listening to music and just being with each other, Charlie came in. "Bella, they are having a big bonfire down at LaPush tomorrow, it is a celebration of Harry Clearwater's life. Something the Quilete tribe does for someone who passes and we are invited. I think we should both go, they are like family." he said, while looking at Edward and also daring him to object. "I don't know Dad, we might have plans." He looked at me disgustingly, "I think Edward can survive one day without you, it is important to the Clearwater's and to Jacob." I just looked at him, wondering why he was pushing this so much. "Oh come on Bells, you haven't been to LaPush in weeks, everyone is asking about you." Edward put his arms around me and whispered "It's ok, go have a good time, Emmett has wanted me to go hiking with him, and I keep putting him off. This way we can each make a member of our family happy without disappointing each other." He smiled down at me. "Are you sure you are ok with this?" I asked, He kissed my forehead, "Of course."

That night when Edward came back after Charlie was asleep, I asked him "Are you sure you are okay, with me going to Lapush? I can get out of it." He rubbed my back and gave me his crooked smile, "Bella, I am always anxious when I am away from you, but Emmett has been bugging me about going hunting with him, now Jasper and Carlisle are going to join us. I just ask one thing, if any of the pack seems to get upset, give them space. They are young and can't always control their phasing. Just try to be careful." I snuggled up as close to him as I could get with the quilt between us, "Thank you, for being so understanding, I know you aren't comfortable with me around Jacob and the pack, but I promise you I will be fine." "I know," he said, "I am trying to be tolerant of all your friends and needs, and yes it is hard, especially since Alice cant see the pack, and so she won't know if anything bad happens." I said, " All I ask is that you keep the cell phone I brought for you on, and call me if you need me, we won't be far." I laughed, "What can you do, it will break the treaty if you come to LaPush, and that cannot happen." "If you need me, damn the treaty, now go to sleep. you have a big day ahead of you."

EPOV

Bella had allowed me back into her life. I still have a hard time believing she could forgive me for lying to her, for leaving her, for hurting her, but she has. I will spend the rest of my existence proving to her she didn't make a mistake, by forgiving me.

Alice and I were able to re-enroll in school without any trouble. I was able to resume my schedule from before I left, so most of my classes were with Bella, so I got to see Bella almost all day, part of the evening, and all of the night. I was in heaven. Bella was my heaven. Charlie was extremely angry at me. I couldn't blame him, I left Bella for no reason he could understand, but he was at least allowing Bella to spend time with me, even though he wasn't happy about it. Then he came home an practically insisted that Bella go with him to LaPush for a bonfire to celebrate Harry Clearwater's life. I couldn't really tell if Bella wanted to go or not, I didn't get a feeling either way. I did not want her to go. But I realized I could not tell her not to go. She was an adult and could make her own decisions. I just begged her to be careful around the pack. They could be so volatile while they were young. I would be a nervous wreck the whole time she was gone, which is why I believe Jasper and Ca lisle decided to go hunting with Emmett and me. To try to keep me calm. Good luck with that.

Bella began to wake up around seven on Saturday morning. She was so beautiful when she was in that stage between sleeping and waking. Once I was sure she was awake, I put my arms around her and kissed her good morning. She smiled up at me and whispered "Good Morning to you too....wheres Charlie?" "He left early to go fishing, he left you a note on the kitchen table telling you he would be back by 11. He wants to be at LaPush by noon" She reached up to kiss my jaw, "What time are you meeting your brothers?" "I told Emmett around 10, but I can stay until Charlie gets home if you like." She just shook her head. "I need to get stuff ready to take with us, and you haven't hunted in awhile. You don't have to keep them waiting, I will have enough to keep myself busy until it is time to leave."

She looked so sad, I know she still stressed whenever we were apart. She still didn't trust that I would never leave again. She didn't understand how it would be worse than death to be without her. I had experienced the most devastating pain I knew I would ever feel when I left her and stayed away so long. I knew I could never leave her again. Yet she still wasn't sure, she still had her doubts. It was going to take me awhile to prove it to her, but I have forever to do that. I kissed her forehead "How long is this party suppose to last?" I asked, "I'm not sure. It is some kind of celebration of Harry's life and I have never been to any thing like this. There are people, relatives from all over coming, so I am guessing it would take up the day and into the evening. I am going to take my truck so I can leave it I get bored, or things get to tense. The pack still is upset with me, because I let you back into my life." She looked sad. I pulled her up into my lap and held her as tight as I dare. "Bella, I know this is hard for you. To feel you have to choose between me and my family and the friends who were so good to you while I was gone. I don't want you to feel you must choose. I want you to be happy. I know you can find a balance between the two, and I will not ask you to choose." I saw the tears start to form in her eyes, so I threw her over my shoulder and started down the stairs "Breakfast time for the humans" Thankfully, by the time we reached the kitchen she was laughing so hard she was crying. Happy tears I could deal with.

BPOV

Edward had been so sweet this morning. Telling me to go to laPush, have a good time. I know he wasn't happy about it, I could tell by the stiff line of his mouth and jawline. But he said all the right things, told me he was only a phone call away. He carried me down the steps and insisted I eat breakfast, even though I wasn't very hungry. He stayed and talked to me while I made deviled eggs and ice tea to take with us to LaPush. When he left to meet Carlisle and his brothers to go hunting, he held me and kissed me until I couldn't breath, and told me he would be back by the time I was ready to go to bed.

After Edward left I went upstairs to take a shower and dress before Charlie got back. I could feel the anxiety return as soon as he was gone. It's not that I didn't believe he would stay, I tried very hard to believe that, but my insecurities always surfaced when he was away. He promised everyday he was here forever, but I wondered. He told me he would do anything for me to prove he was going to stay. There was a plan brewing in the back of my mind of what he could do to prove he would always be here. He would never go for it. But it was the only thing he could do to convince me he wanted me forever.

By the time Charlie got back from fishing, I had showered and dressed and had the eggs and tea packed up tight. Charlie showered and true to his world was ready to leave by 11:45 which would put us at LaPush at exactly 12 noon. I don't knew if it was being a cop, but Charlie was always punctual to the minute. I smiled to myself as I thought about it. We had a little argument about taking both cars, but I told Charlie I wanted to be able to leave if I got bored and didn't want to make him have to leave also. He snorted something about being able to be with Edward for eight hours, which I ignored, and for once I won this argument. I think he was afraid I would change my mind and not go at all.

I saw Jacob coming out of his house when we pulled up. I am sure he heard my truck, probably as soon as it turned into LaPush. It was my own personal calling card. I would never sneak up on anything in my beloved truck. "Bella" Jacob said as I climbed out and waited for Charlie to unload all our party supplies "I'm surprised you came." I looked at him "Why? Charlie told Billy I would be here." Jacob started placing all the items we had brought for the party onto a trailer, pulled by a small tractor, "Well yeah, but I wasn't...didn't...think...you would actually come." "You don't want me here I can always leave." I said a little irritated. "NO, I want you to stay..I just..." I turned around and got right in Jacob's face and said quietly so no one else could hear. "You thought Edward wouldn't let me come, didn't you? I keep telling you he is not like that. _**HE**_ wants me to be happy." I turned sharply and started to follow Charlie and Billy up toward the cliffs, where a huge bonfire was already burning, when I felt Jacob grab me around the waist and swing me over his shoulder."Put me down you idiot, what do you think you are doing?" Jake continued down the beach before he put me down. "Now you and I need to talk Bella, and with as many people that are here this is the only place we can be alone." I just stared at him like he had lost his mind "What is your problem Jake" I was mad and he knew it. "Cool it Bella, I just want to talk." "Wow, did it ever occur to you to just ask??" I asked

Jacob didn't say anything for awhile, he just paced back and forth every few minutes glancing up and me, struggling to say whatever it was her wanted to say. "Oh for god sake, Jake, just spit it out. I am sure this is about Edward, so just get it over with." I said after I couldn't stand it anymore. He walked over and gentle took my hand, "Please, come sit with me." he led me over to our piece of driftwood, where we had had so many conversations in the past, it was like our own little piece of the beach, I sat down on the driftwood log and Jake sat at my feet still holding my hand. '"How are you Bella, and I mean how are you _really_?" I looked at him a little confused "I'm great, Jake, really I am fine, Edward is back, life is good." He sighed deeply "I know you told me he left to protect you. That he thought you would be better off without you..so what changed. I mean what makes you think he won't leave again for the same reasons?" I look up at Jake angry at his words, but the expression on his face was loving and compassionate, and I knew he was only asking out of worry for me. "Honestly, I don't know. He said he won't leave again and I have to believe him. He was as miserable without me as I was, so I have chosen to believe him, but of course, I have my doubts, I know I am not good enough to hold him, but he doesn't seem to think so. So all I can choose to do is believe him and trust him." Jacob just shook his head, "Bells, I don't think you could survive if he left you again, no matter how smart you think you are, you are in way to deep. I know you love him, but really, what kind of life can you have with him. There are certain things I know you can't do with the leech..sorry _Edward_." he corrected when he saw my expression ".certain experiences you will never have. Do you really want to go through you life without ever making love, or having children or being able to vacation in Hawaii?" He smiled at me. "Jacob, I have never wanted children and Hawaii is overrated." then I said very softly "and who says we can't ever make love?" Not that I had been making any progress in that area with Edward, since he thought I was still to breakable. Jacob just looked at me like I had suddenly grown another head, ".. Serious." he almost shouted, "Bella, he could kill you if he made love to you. You can not let him talk you into that, it is was to dangerous for you, I cannot believe that horny bloodsucking..." I slapped his arm "STOP" I shouted "Edward is the perfect gentleman, he has never tried to talk me into anything,. I can't get him to even come close to making love to me, and believe me I have tried. It doesn't matter anyway. We are just trying to rebuild what we had, and that is going to take time. But, Jake, understand, he is going to be in my life, he is my life and you can either accept that or not, because that is just the way it is." I heard Jake sigh, and he pulled me close and said, "Bella, all I am asking is be careful. I cannot see you go through what he put you through before, I know, you think he won't leave you again, but you can't know for sure." he bent down and kisses my forehead. "I'm glad you came, I promise to always be your friend, now lets go party."

I had never seen so many people at LaPush in all the years I had been coming. It seem like hundreds, most I had never seen before. Jake and Billy explained that it was representatives from all the tribes in the Pacific Northwest, come to honor Harry. Some of Harry's family that hadn't been able to make the funeral were here. The was enough food to feed the entire state of Washington and lots of alcohol of some type was being consumed.

It was getting late and I was thinking of telling Jake and Dad that I was tried and was going home. As I walked up to where they were I witnessed the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. It was almost like witnessing a miracle. I had just arrived and heard Billy introducing some people to Jake and Dad. They were cousins of Harry Clearwater's who lived on the east coast of Maine and hadn't made it to the funeral, they had just arrived this evening and came right he to meet everyone. "Jacob, Charlie, oh and hey Bella, this is Harry's cousin Jason and his wife Carly, they just arrived from Maine."

Everyone shook their hands and welcomed them, as Jason explained "Harry and I grew up together here in LaPush, until I was 18, and went away to college, he was like my brother, we got into so much trouble together. I felt so bad I couldn't get here before, but the girls had finals, so when Billy explained they were having this celebration I knew I had to be here, ahh here come my lovely daughters now." I looked over to where he was looking and notice to very attracted Native American girls walking up, the oldest looked to be around my age, 18, and the younger looker around 15,16, both had long hair down to their waste and were in extremely good shape.

"Hey girls, come meet friend of your Uncle Harry's "These are my daughters, Claudine, she just finished her first year of college and Cheyenne, will be a graduating high school next years, excellent students, make their old man very proud, girls this is Billy and Jacob Black, and their good friends Charlie and his daughter Bella Swan." We are said hello and shook hands and welcomed them and promised to show them around while they were in town.

I turned to Jacob to tell him I was leaving and he was in a trance, staring at the girls. Claudine walked away with Billy and Jason as he made introduction to Sam and the rest of the gang, but Cheyanne lagged behind looking at Jacob with a smile on her face. "Jake, Jacob" I finally shook him as hard as I could "Jake, are you okay?" He finally looked at me with an almost painful look on his face, "Sure, sure I'm fine...what did you say?" I just looked at him, "Are you sure you are okay?" He kept looking at me then looking at Cheyanne and seem generally distracted with the strangest look on his face. " I was just telling you I was going to leave...are you sure you are okay?" Jacob looked at me "Sorry , yeah..do you have to go...okay I will walk you to your truck." he rambled. He didn't seem to hear a single word I said he just kept looking back and forth and being extremely antsy, especially for cool calm Jacob, and then it dawn on me. I smiled up at him ". GOD. JACOB" I shouted, "What??" he looked at me like I had lost my mind. I laughed out loud as I hugged him "You just imprinted didn't you?"

He looked at me stunned. "NO, I don't know, maybe...could I?" I pushed him back toward the party, "go, find your intended, enjoy, I will see you soon. Love you Jake" I shouted as I walked to my truck. He grabbed my wrist and spun me around for a big hug. "You know you will always be my number one girl, right? Please remember what I said and be careful, love you too Bells" and he kissed my cheek and was running, and I mean running back toward, who I knew was his intended.

I started my truck and picked up the cell phone Edward had given me and called the only number programed into in. "Hi, I'm on my way home...okay...see you soon...love you." I laughed, maybe things would work out for everyone.

**A/N Know this chapter is more about Jacob, than Bella and Edward, but I will get back to them next chap. **

**As much as I loved the Twilight Saga, and Stephenie Meyer is my hero, I always felt Jacob and Bella were met to be more brother and sister than how they evolved in Eclipse, so I changed things to the way I like them. No where near as good as SM, but it makes me feel better.**

**Reviews are loved and appreciated. More chapters soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just take then out to play.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. Keeps me going.**

_I started my truck and picked up the cell phone Edward had given me and called the only number programed into in. "Hi, I'm on my way home...okay...see you soon...love you." I laughed, maybe things would work out for everyone._

I giggled to myself all the way home from LaPush. The look on Jacob's face when he saw Cheyanne was priceless. I never understood the imprinting thing with the pack, but I think I will be forever glad it exists if Jake gets to be happy. Maybe now he will understand how I feel about Edward, It is fate or destiny, or some other unexplainable force that our love is.

I had called Edward as I was leaving LaPush just to see if he was back from hunting with his family yet, he said he would be at the house when I got home so I was anxious to get back. Even though it had only been nine hours since I had seen him, I missed him terribly. I cannot explain the ache I feel when we are apart. I don't know if it is just the fear of him leaving again or what, but I knew I would see him soon and that was enough.

I arrived at the house and ran upstairs to my room. I stopped outside my bedroom door and took a deep breath. I opened the door and there was my life sitting on my bed. "Hi" I said as I ran to my bed and jumped in his arms, "I missed you. Did you have a good day with you family?" He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back ."Yes, as a matter of fact it was a very good day. You seem in a very happy mood, did you have a good time at LaPush? Everything went well?" I couldn't help by laugh out loud, I gave him a big hug and said "Jacob imprinted!" "What" Edward asked "seriously, you saw that?" I turned and straddled his legs, putting both arms around his neck "Yes, it was the strangest thing. It was like time stood still for him. The look on his face was priceless. I think I noticed it before he did, he didn't have a clue!" I giggle again "I guess imprinting is another name for love a first sight." Edward smiled at me."Good, I am glad for Jacob, maybe now he will understand how I feel about you." I kissed Edward and he responded, kissing me until I couldn't breath,then he pulled back, as always and rested his head against my forehead. I yawn and he laughed, "time for sleep, you have had a busy day." I stuck my lower lip out in an exaggerated pout,which only made him laugh more, "I don't want to sleep, I missed you all day. I just want to stay awake for a while and look at you." He pulled me closer and sighed "why don't you go get ready for bed, then we can talk awhile until you are ready to sleep."

I gave him a quick kiss and got up to gather my night clothes and went to the bathroom to shower. When I finished I found Edward had turned back my bed and was waiting with the quilt pulled back, I scowled at him and climbed into bed, he tucked the quilt around me tightly and then laid down beside me and pulled me close. "So did you and Jacob get a chance to talk before he threw you over for the woman of his dreams" Edward smirked. I slapped his arm and told him "It wasn't like that and you know it." he laughed and kissed my head, "and yes we got a chance to talk" leaving out the part where Jake threw me over his shoulder in order to get me alone to talk. "He is worried about you hurting me again, or leaving again, but we came to an understanding, I think, basically we agreed to disagree where you are concerned." Edward sighed deeply "I guess everyone that loves you feels that way, only time will prove that I won't, no that I can't, leave you again. As long as you know it, I will deal with the rest."

I didn't say anything, the lump in my throat would not let me. Even though I wanted to believe Edward, that he meant it when he said he would stay, there was still a part of my brain that was afraid he would. I was afraid he would find another reason to leave, to protect me again, or eventually he would just get bored. I didn't even realize I had tears in my eyes, until Edward put his fingers under my chin and pulled my face up to his. "What, Bella, what is it? You do know that I cannot leave again, don't you?" he asked with the saddest look on his face, "Please, tell me you believe me." I couldn't answer for a few moments, but I gave him a smile, swallowed and answered as truthfully as I could, "I believe everything you tell me Edward, but I also know you and if you think for some reason you are putting me in danger, or that I would be better off without you, I am afraid you could leave again. I have to just hope that nothing happens to drive you away or that I don't bore you so much that you run as fast as you can to save you sanity." I said with a little laugh, trying to lighten the suddenly serious mood.

He got up and walked across the room, I sat up suddenly afraid I had pushed to far. "Edward?" He turned around with the most pained look on his face and just stared at me. He came over to the side of my bed and knelt down beside me. He took my face in his hands and looked deep into my eyes. "Bella" he began, "you think I am so much stronger than I am. I still don't know how I survived being away from you as long as I did. The pain was indescribable. I spent most of the time curled up in a ball in complete agony. I fought everyday not to come back, but eventually I knew I must. I had to see you again. Now, being with you again, there is nothing that would make me leave, please believe this." He wiped my tears away with his thumbs and caressed my cheeks, looking desperately into my eyes. All I could say "I am trying,just know that I don't doubt you, it is just my own stupid insecurities." He kissed my softly, then deeply and passionately, climbing onto the bed, his lips never leaving mine, until he was lying on top of me resting his weight on his elbows so as not to crush me. Of course, I had to push it to far, I held him as tight as I possibly could, kissing him with deeply, running my tongue across his perfect, marble like lips, trying to get so close to him that I was practically inside of him. But of course he pushed away, afraid to cross that line, and laid his head on my chest listening to my rapidly beating heartbeat, while I tried to catch my breath. God, I loved this man. The things he did to me are unbelievable and I knew at the moment, that if he left me again, I would die.

Suddenly, Edward sat up and leaned against my headboard, and pulled me up with him. Wrapping the quilt around me, he held me tightly in his lap with my head resting under his chin against his chest. While placed soft kissed on my head, he said, "Bella, this is my solemn promise to you._ I will not leave_ _you again, if I go anywhere, you will be at my side_. If there is anything I can say or do to prove to you that this is my promise, just tell and I will do it, until then all I can give you is my word."

There it was. He had left it wide open for me to tell him what he could do to prove to me he would never leave. I knew he wouldn't do it. I was afraid to even say it because I knew what his reaction would be. But when he pulled my face up to his and looked at me with such honesty on his face, it just slipped out of my mouth, "There is something you can do." I said it so softly, I believed I had just thought it, but with his stupid vampire hearing, of course, he heard it. He smiled down at me "Tell me." I looked at him and shook my head, "You won't do it, but it really is the only thing that would let me know you want me forever."

I couldn't look him in the eye, because I knew there was so much he wanted to do for me, to give to me, and I refused, but the one thing I wanted, I knew would hurt him and he would refuse. He rubbed my back and said, "Don't be silly, Bella, if there is something I can do, please tell me." I looked up at him, he eyes were filled with so much love and so much confusion. I knew he was trying to figure out what he could do to prove his words were the truth. I just shook my head, "no, it doesn't matter, I believe you."I stuttered looking down twisting the bottom of his shirt in my hands. He was quiet for awhile, then took my face in his hands and made me look at him."Don't you know you can ask me anything? Please Bella tell me what it is you want or need me to do, to prove my love for you." Of course that way when my stupid emotions reared their ugly presence and tears just flowed from my eyes, he held me tight and whispered "Please, Bella, you are beginning to scared me. What is it?" I tried to control my emotions and stop the tears, drying my face on his shirt. I looked him straight in the eye, took a deep breath, and said "The one thing you can do to prove that you will never leave me again is," I looked into his eyes and whispered the words I knew he would hate to hear "_**change me.**_"

I knew how he felt about changing me, of making me a vampire, I had tried to talk him into it many times before he left me, but had never mentioned it since his return. He said that it would not happen. That I didn't have a clue what his life was like. That being a monster was not what I wanted. But to me it meant I would have Edward for eternity and that is all I wanted.

He just stared at me, he didn't move or say anything for the longest time. He never changed how he was holding me, never changed his expression, just looked at me. He really had no expression on his face, so I had no clue what he was thinking at that moment. I seemed like we sat there for hours, him never moving, me fidgeting. I was beginning to get really nervous, when he finally said "Your Dad will be home in five minutes, you need to get to sleep." I look at him "What, ...wait...Edward I know you heard what I said." He tucked me back down into quilt, and kissed my forehead and just stated "we will discuss it in the morning, not now, you need to sleep." I was astonished "Do you honestly think I could sleep now, you have to tell me something, you can't just leave it like this." I almost shouted at him. He smirked, yes I swear he smirked at me, kissed me softly and just said "Sleep Bella, and hummed my lullaby, which made me angry, but apparently he knew what he was doing because as much as I fought it I was asleep, before Charlie even came in the front door.

EPOV

I sat in Bella's rocking chair and watched her sleep. One of the great joys of my existence was watching her sleep. The expressions she made, the words she muttered, I love it, I love her. She wanted me to prove I would not leave. She wanted me to _**change her**_! I couldn't respond when she said it. I wanted to scream _**"NO" **_but I knew that would just make her think I didn't want her, that I would leave again.

We have had this discussion so many times before I left. She thought she wanted to become a monster like I am, but she doesn't understand this life. It is not easy. Always fighting against the nature that we are. She only saw the result of what we wanted humans to see. She never saw the struggle. To constantly be on guard, not to do anything out of the ordinary. To fight to urge to drink human blood, yes, we were strong and dedicated to our lifestyle of surviving on animal blood, but it was always a battle. To never sleep. I missed sleeping. Maybe that is why I loved to watch Bella sleep. To be lost in unconsciousness for just a few hours,would be heaven. I just couldn't subject her to this life...or could I ? If I did change her, it would be for purely selfish reason. To know I could have her forever. To be able to hold her as tightly as I desired, to make love to her..oh just the thought. But no I could not do that to her. To steal her soul was wrong.

We were the damned of the universe. Carlisle does not share my views, he doesn't believe we are doomed to hell, because of what was done to us. He often thought that he had made a mistake, by changing me. He tried not to think about it when I was around, but sometimes when he didn't realize I was close enough to hear his thought, it would slip into his thoughts. I had been dying and he was lonely. He wanted someone he could relate to, not have to hide from, and he chose me. I am not sorry Carlisle saved me or doomed me or whatever. I just don't understand this life, it is very lonely. Or it was before Bella. I just wanted to spend Bella's life with her and when her life was done, I would find a way to end mind, because I cannot live in a world without her. If I changed her I would never be lonely, but it would be so selfish to take so much from her. If she stayed with me through out her life, she will never experience physical love, she is to fragile for us to try, I could kill her if I lost control. She would never experience motherhood. If I stayed with her I would be stealing so much from her. I also know I can never leave her again. There is always the possibility that she will tire of me and move on to someone who could give her the things I could not. It would be undeniably painful, but I would step aside for her happiness.

As soon as I knew Bella was deep into her sleep cycle, I kissed her lightly on her forehead and ran for home. I needed to speak to Carlisle. I needed his opinion. His expertise, his opinion on changing Bella. I knew she would want an answer when she awoke. I was just too torn to decide this alone.

I ran into the house and up to the study, where I knew Carlisle was. He heard me arrive, "come on in, Edward, what is troubling you so?" I didn't know how to begin, but he could tell I had something serious on my mind. He knew me so well. I paced the study for a few minutes, then sat on the couch across from him. He didn't say anything, he knew me well enough to know I would speak when I was ready. Finally, I just blurted it out "Bella wants me to change her. She is afraid I will leave her again and nothing I say seems to convince her that I can't. I don't know what to do? I love her so much and there is nothing I would not do for her, but to change her just seems so wrong. You know us both. So please just tell me your thoughts on this."

Carlisle didn't say anything for a few minutes. I knew he was thinking the situation through. That is how he dealt with everything. He weighed every options in his mind before he spoke. He pulled his chair closer to me and looked me in the eye. "It is obvious to all of us, not just me, how much you love her. I see how she has changed you. I see how happy you are when you are with her. I saw how devastated you were when you made the decision to leave her. Edward I cannot tell you how much it pained me and your family to watch the agony you went through making that decision. How much we missed you while you were gone. Our family was not complete with you gone. I thought it would kill Esme, but we understood your decision and respected it, even if we disagreed with it. The decision to make Bella a permanent member of this family by changing her has to be yours. But since you asked how I feel, I will tell you, but only you can make the final decision."

He looked like he wasn't sure he wanted to tell me his thoughts, but then leaned forward and took my hands in his "You are my son, Edward, in every way that matters and I have loved you since day one. I have often thought I was wrong to bring you to this life, but I cannot reverse things. I have watched you over the decades, I have seen how you have suffered in this life. Never sure where you fit in, what your place was in this world. You have brought so much happiness to my life and to Esme. You are a joy to your brothers and sisters. But with all that said, I have never seen you happy until you met Bella. She brought you to life son. There is a light in you eyes when you are with her. There is love in your very being now. I know, and you know that you cannot live without her. You tried and you failed miserably, as did she. She is your destiny." he sighed and looked at me unsure whether to go on, I nodded my head at him and said "please, continue."

"You are asking me, should you change her. This is how I feel and I can say with a certainty that the rest of the family feels the same. You have decided not to live without her. I think it is very important to experience every aspect of love. You have experienced the emotional side but not the physical side. Eventually, Bella will die if you don't change her, and I know what that will do to you. Edward, I truly believe, for both you and Bella to be happy, and experience love completely, the way it should be experienced , I believe you should change her. Bella is a very intelligent girl, she is not asking you this on a whim. I think she knows a lot more of our life, that you give her credit for. She wants you forever, as you do her, and by having her join us is the only way that you both can have a happy ending. I know you believe you will damning her, but I do not believe that. Look at your family. Do we seem damned? We each have been blessed to find our mate. This is what makes this life bearable. What brings us happiness. Humans do not have it any easier. They too have their demons to battle, but when you have someone at your side to love and help you, it is so much easier." Carlisle stood up and placed his hand on my shoulders, "Edward, Bella is your mate, you two belong together, forever. I know this is not an easy decision for you, and whatever you decide your family will support you. Just let me know if you need my help, I will always be here for you son." I stood and gave my father, for all intents and purposes, a hug. "Thank you Carlisle. I just not sure yet, but you have given me much to think about. I need to get back to Bella, I want to be there when she wakes up." He walked me to the front door, "Edward, you have my support for whatever decision you make. If you decide to have her join us and you need my assistance I will gladly do it. Do not let the fear of killing her contaminate your decision. She can be changed without fear of losing her. This I can promise you. Bella has made her decision, now you must make yours." I nodded my head and ran back to Bella's.

BPOV

The light from the window woke me up. I reached out for Edward, but didn't find him. I sat up, the panic filling my chest. "Edward?" He turned from the window he was looking out and was by my side so quickly I didn't even see him move. He pulled me to his chest. "Ssh, I am right here sweetheart," I took a breath, he was still here. He kissed me "Good morning beautiful, sleep good?" I brushed my hair out of my eyes so I could see him clearly, and answered "yes, I guess I was more tired than I thought, um what time is it anyway?" Edward looked over at the clock and said "a little after ten, you only slept for seven hours, do you want to go back to sleep?" 'No, I am awake now, will you excuse me for a human moment" I smiled up at him. He let me go and pointed the way to the bathroom. I grabbed some clean clothes and went to wash my face, and brush my teeth, I was always afraid of having morning breath. I got dressed and went back to my bedroom, but Edward was gone.

"Edward" I yelled. I heard noise downstairs as he shouted up "down here, come get your breakfast, or would you prefer breakfast in bed." I started downstairs "You know you don't have to cook for me,I can do that myself" I smiled up at him. "you are spoiling me." he sat a plate of pancakes and sausage in front of me and kissed my head, "Spoiling you is my job, get use to it." I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I smelled the food, within minutes I had practically devoured the entire breakfast. It always amazed me how great a cook Edward was.

After I finished eating, I started thinking about last night, Edward still hadn't said anything about what I had said, and I didn't know how to bring it up. I started washing the dishes, after all he cooked, when I felt him put his arms around my waist. "I love you" he whispered in my ear. I smiled, I couldn't turn around and hug him like I wanted to, I was up to my elbows in soapy water, so I leaned back into him and said "I love you too, more than you know." He moved my hair to the back so he could kiss up and down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I finished the dishes and dried my hands and turned in his arms and put my arms around his neck. "You aren't trying to distract me are you?" He smiled his crooked smile, continued kissing me across my jaw and down my neck and said, "Now whatever would I be distracting you from? Dirty dishes? Just making a unpleasant job more enjoyable." He looked at me and laughed. "Bella why are you always so suspicious?" I looked up at him "because you never said anything about my request last night." He kissed my lips gently, took my hands in his and said "I have thought a lot about what you said. I want to go to our meadow, and we will discuss it there, is that agreeable to you?"suddenly my heart was racing. Was he going to agree, is that why he wanted to go the meadow. It was our special place. I grabbed my jacket off the chair, walked to the door and said "Lets go."

Edward drove to the trail, and next thing I knew we were flying toward the meadow. I love running with Edward. I remember being afraid the first few times we had done this, but now it was heaven. We arrived at the meadow in no time. The sun was shining, such a rarity in Forks, and I turned to Edward and grinned, "Take your shirt off." He looked surprised, "What?" he laughed. "Take your shirt off, I want to see you sparkle." I grinned. He just shook his head, but removed his shirt and leaned back against a tree and motioned for me to join him. I leaned back with my back against his chest and sighed, this was perfect.

We were quiet for awhile, 'our meadow' had that affect on us. It was a special place to us. After a while Edward turned me around and looked at me very seriously, "Do you want to discuss what you asked last night?" I swallowed and just nodded my head. "You know I am against changing you, and you know my reasons, but I have given it a lot of thought. If this is what you truly want, and can accept certain conditions and agree to follow these conditions, I will change you."

**A/N Sorry a little cliffhanger! Were you expecting him to say yes! So unlike Edward. Stay tuned for Bella's reaction. And just what are these conditions Edward mentions???**

**Reviews are loved. See you soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just mixed them up a bit.**

BPOV

I was in shock. I just stared at him. Had he just agreed to make me a vampire? To allow me to spend eternity with him? Had he just told me he loved me and wanted me forever? I started crying, damn emotions, but they were happy tears. I threw my arms around him and hugged him as tight as possible. I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say. He had just agreed to give me everything and I was blubbering like a baby.

He just held me for a few minutes, then pulled me back and wiped my tears. "Would you please tell me what you are thinking? I am going a little crazy here." I smiled at him, the tears still falling, "I love you so much, I don't know how to tell you what it means to me to hear you agree to change me. You really want me forever? Thank you Edward thank you." I kissed him every where I could find a place to kiss him and hugged him and laughed. He probably thought I was a complete idiot. I looked at him and he was just grinning.

After who knows how long I finally settled down an took a deep breath. I looked at him. "When" I asked as he looked down at me, "That is what we have to discuss. There are conditions and some things for you to think about." I frowned "What conditions, I will do whatever you ask." He smiled at me and said, "Good, but first I have some questions. First,and please answer honestly, why do you want to become a monster?" he teased. I sighed "You are not a monster, and I won't be either. I want to be changed because I want to be with you forever. I love you, and I want to be with you always. There is nothing this world has to offer me if I don't have you. You are my forever. That is the only reason."

He smiled at me "Okay, what about your Dad and Mom?. What about Jacob? Are you really ready to say goodbye to them, because that is what you will have to do." I hesitated for just a few moments, "Everyone grows up and moves on with their life. This is what I will be doing. It will be like I am moving away from home, that's all." I stated looking down, so he couldn't see the sadness in my eyes. It would be hard to say goodbye to my family, but Edward was my future and this is what I wanted and needed. I glanced up at him "Can I never see them again, will we have to fake my death?" He sighed, "This is something we will have to discuss with Carlise."

He shook his head and looked at me. "The first thing we must do is talk to Carlisle. You have to know what to expect, both before, during and after your transformation. We have to prepare extensively for this." I shook my head "I don't understand, prepare how, I know it will be painful, but it is only for three days, I can suffer through three days, if I get eternity with you." Edward grimaced and pulled me closer to him, "Bella, you don't understand the level for pain, that is involved. Yes, it is three days, but if will seem like a lifetime. Just the thought of you going through that kills me, it will be the hardest part of this, and one of the reasons I was so opposed to doing this." He looked and me and shook his head, "but I have agreed, and I will go through with, but first you must agreed to certain conditions and they are non-negotiable.

I leaned back and looked into his eyes. I could see he was very serious. But it didn't matter. I would agreed to anything, as long as he agreed to change me. Then something dawned on me. "Wait, one of these conditions wouldn't be that I have to wait until I am on my death bed at 80 or something is it?" I asked. He laughed and ruffled my hair, "You really do think I a devious don't you? No, the change will take place within the next year." I gaped "A year, why a year?" I yelled. He shook his head, "Bella, if you would let me finish.." I glared at him and nodded my head "Fine," I said "go ahead." He kissed me gently and and took my hand. Please do not say anything until I am completely finished, then we can discuss the conditions if you wish. He quirked his eyebrows at me, as if to dare me to questions him. I crossed my arms across my chest and pouted and said "Fine." I wasn't happy. He just smiled.

He stated "here are the conditions:

_You must speak to each member of my family about their lives as vampires. They have very little memory of their human life, but some does remain. They each will give you the pros and cons of this life. They will each tell you the hardships of being changed, and what they miss about their human life. Basically, they are each happy, to a degree, with the life they have, but they will tell you what is the hardest to deal with and how they cope. They will also tell you their experience with being changed. This is the one memory that is the strongest for each of us, with the exception of Alice, who doesn't remember being changed. After you have spoken with each of them, you will weigh what each of them have told you, and if you still wish to proceed we will go to the next condition._

_You must decide what you want your family and friends to know. That can be handled in several ways, with your family. However, you also must considered the wolves. We will not be able to return, because we will be breaking the treaty. Even though we won't be killing anyone, but it is also included that we cannot bite another human. This is something you must consider. The ideal way to handle this is to fake your death, but this must be your decision. If you decide to let your family believe you have just moved away, you must remember that you cannot see any member of you family for at least a year, maybe longer, depending on how you fare as a newborn._

I sat an listened stunned. I knew I would have to leave my family and friends but he made it sound so permanent, _fake my death,_ no there had to be another way. Surely I would be able to Charlie and Renee evidentially, maybe not Jacob, but the Cullen's were fine around humans, why wouldn't I be eventually.

I snapped out of my thoughts as he was continuing with his conditions, and they seemed to be getting more ridiculous.

_You will complete at least one semester of college, this will help to establish your alibi when you are missing for up to a year._

_You need to pick a date, in the next six months. The date of your death, or change.  
_

He looked now at me, grinning, knowing I wouldn't not be happy with some of these conditions. "Then there is one more thing." I rolled my eyes, and said "just one." "Yes, but his one is a request, not a condition. " he suddenly looked nervous, he sat down next to me, "Bella, you say you want to change to be with me forever. This is also what I want. I would rather spend your lifetime with you, but if this is what you really want, I can't say no." He stood up and pulled me up next to him, holding me tight against his.

"I love you, Bella, more than I ever thought it was possible. I don't deserve you or your love. For some reason you want me, forever, as I do you. So, I have one request of you, before I change you into a monster." I rolled my eyes at him, "Edward, if there is anything I can give you, you know I will, all you have to do is ask."

He stood back, still holding onto my hands, he looked deep into my eyes, and dropped to one knee, "oh, no" I gasped, He held on tight to my hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan, I love you, more than anything in this universe. I want to love you every day of my existence. You have made all my dreams come true. Would you please grant me one more wish. Bella, will you marry me?"

I was speechless, my mind went blank. Edward wanted to marry me. My life was suddenly perfect. The man I loved had told me he wanted me forever, and he also wanted me to be his wife. I felt the tears falling down my face. Edward was still on one knee looking at me expectantly, "Bella?" I was afraid to speak, so I just smiled at him and nodded yes.

"Yes, " he shouted "you will, you want to marry me?" I just laughed and shouted over and over "Yes, yes, yes" He swung me around and kissed me deeply. "Thank you Bella, thank you, you just made me the happiness creature on the face of the earth.. Oh wait, I forgot one thing." I laughed at him, "What could you have possible forgotten." He grinned at me, grabbed his jacket that had been laying on the ground and produced a small satin box and held it out to me. "This is the ring my father gave to my mother, when he asked her to marry him, it represented their love, and I want it to represent ours." I took the small box in to my hands, they were shaking so hard I could barely open it. After several tries I was finally able to get it open, and I just gasped. Inside was the most incredible ring I had ever seen. It was delicate, oval, with multiple diamonds and gold filigree, surrounding each diamond. The tears started all over again. I was overcome with the beauty of this ring and the meaning behind it and that Edward wanted it to be mine. I looked up at him through my tear and before I could say anything he said "If you would rather have a different ring, I can buy you new one..." I stopped him and kissed his lips gently, "No, it is perfect, just like you." He took the delicate ring out of the box and placed it on the third finger of my left hand. Then his kissed it, then kissed me deeply.

We broke the kiss, I looked up at him, "Now let's talk about these conditions.

He laughed, "I have a feeling you would want to do that, okay what would you like to discuss? " We sat down with our arms around each other, "I really don't have a problem with any of the conditions, but why do we have to wait so long, why can't we do it now?" He rubbed my back and grinned, "So impatient to become one of the eternally damned." I just shook my head, as he continued, "I have never changed someone before, and Carlilse has never changed anyone who wasn't near death. We need to prepare for this. Plus I want you to avoid as much pain as possible. You need to discuss this life with each member of my family, so you know exactly what you are getting into." I smiled up at him, "I already know what I am getting, I am getting you." He shook his head, and said "There is so much more to this life that just being with me forever, it is not as easy as it looks."

I thought about what he said and said "Okay I will speak to you family, now what is this about college? I haven't even been accepted anywhere yet." He laughed, "Aw, but you will, this way you will get to experience college life and might want to wait." I snorted at that, but the look on his face made me continue to listen to his reasoning, "Plus, depending on which college you go to, you can use it as an excuse to be away from home, if you decide not to fake your death." I grimaced at the thought of putting my family through having to grieve for me if I decide to fake my death. I decided to put off this decision until after I have talked to Edward's family.

Edward grinned at me, "besides you need time to plan our wedding. I know you want your Dad to walk you down the aisle" I shook my head, "I don't any fanfare, just family and friends, small ceremony, beside I am sure Alice will take over completely." I shuddered at the thought of what Alice would do if given free reign.

Edward started laughing. "We could go to Vegas, if you like, but I am sure you would like for all your friends and family to see you married and happy." I thought about this for a moment, "yeah you are right."

I looked up and whispered "I already know what date, I want." Edward looked surprised, "Yes, I think it should be New Years Eve."

**A/N Next chapter, gradutation and Bella talks to the family members. What will she learn? Will she change her mind...not likely.**

**Review are greatly appreciated.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer! I just changed their story around a bit. **

**Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews, makes me want to write faster.**

**Sorry this has taken so long, but I wanted to get all of Bella's discussions with the family in one chapter, hopefully next chap won't take as long.**

**Chapter 9**

EPOV

"You want to wait until New Year's Eve to get married?" I asked, thinking that seemed a long way off, but then that would put her transformation off, so I smiled at her. She was frowned at me "No, I mean for you to change me, I think December 31st will be perfect. I will end the year human and wake up in the new year as your equal." she smiled. "We can spend the holidays with Charlie and see Mom. Then they will think we are returning to college and won't expect to see up until at least spring."

Her works shocked me, I pressed my forehead to hers and sighed deeply, "Bella, please understand this, you will not just go to sleep and wake up a vampire. It is an extremely intensive process and very, very painful. This is why you must talk to Carlisle, so he can explain it to you." I closed my eyes as I spoke to her so she could not see the pain in my eyes. Every time I thought of her going through that pain, it killed me just a little. I had to make sure she understood,every thing involved then, maybe, just maybe, she would change her mind. Who was I kidding, Bella was as stubborn as they come, and she had made her decision. It was up to me to make it as easy as possible for her.

Carlisle and I had talked about different options that may help, but we had no way of knowing for sure.

She took my face in between her little hands and made me look at her, "Edward, I know it is not going to be easy. I will talk to Carlilse, and do everything else you have ask, but I know what I want. I am willing to go through whatever it takes to spend forever with you. Please, understand that I can handle it. My love for you is stronger than any pain I will have to endure." Then she kissed me, gently, then forcefully. I returned her kiss, until I knew she needed to breath, then I kissed her down her jaw and her neck and back up to her lips again. I pulled back slightly and said, "No doubt, my love, no doubt."

I kissed her again then asked, "Wedding date?" She frowned up at me, "Oh, that is the date you were asking about?" I laughed "Of course, I should have been more exact in my questioning, since you have a one track mind." She curled up in my arms and smiled "It doesn't matter, I just want something small and intimate, just close family and friends, but I am sure Alice will want to throw us an extravagant gala, so we will have to reign her in." she looked up at me and frowned, "I do have one small request if you don't mind." "Anything" I replied. "Can we wait until after graduation to announce our engagement? There is only so much I think Charlie can handle at one time. My Mom will be here and then we can announce it to both of them at once." she looked up to me with such sadness in her eyes "We can announce it whenever you wish.... um..Your Dad is not going to be happy is he?" Bella turned so she was facing me, "No, neither is Renee, but it doesn't matter. If they can't see how much I love you and need you, then that is their problem. I love my parents, but you are my life now, and I will make them understand."

Just then the rain started. We just smiled at each other. It was so common in Forks. It was almost expected, that whenever Bella and I were having a deep conversation it would start raining. It had become an inside joke with us. "Come on, I better get you back, before we get soak." I helped her onto my back and started running, trying to outrun the rain.

By the time I reach my car it was pouring. Bella practically slipped off my back, as I caught her and laughed out loud, I quickly opened her door and ushered her in. I slipped into the driver seat and turned on the car so I could turn the heat up before Bella caught a chill. I reached over and took her left hand and brought it up to my lips and planted soft kisses on the ring I had placed on her third finger. The promise that she would soon be my wife.

Alice was sitting on the porch when I pulled up to the house. She was so excited I couldn't even get a good read on her mind. Her thoughts were going every where. I sighed, smirking as I heard her thinking of dresses and flowers and garlands and dates. I shook my head, she was giving me a headache.

I help Bella out of the car and bent down to whisper in her ear, "be prepared, Alice is planning a wedding to rival royalty." I smiled at her when I heard her groan, Alice came running over unable to contain her happiness any longer, she threw herself at me and hugged my neck "Oh Edward, I am so happy for you. You are going to be such a handsome groom." and then she let go of me and swung Bella around by her waist, "Bella, we had so much to do, you have to pick a date, and flowers, and..."

"Whoa, whoa, Alice" Bella yelled when she had a chance to get a word in "we will discuss all of this later, but we don't want to announce anything until after graduation. AND.. the wedding will be small, just family and close friends. We do not want a spectacle." Alice pouted at Bella, "Nothing I would ever do would be a spectacle. I will do it you way, but once graduation is over, we must start planning. I will be upstairs making plans for you to look over. Carlisle is in his study. He is expecting you."

Alice was gone so fast all Bella and I could do was look at each other and smile. "Doesn't that ever irritate you?" Bella asked "Never being able to surprise anyone." I took her hand, "Not anymore. When she first joined the family it was irritating as hell, but we are used to it now. It does come in helpful some times. Plus, remember she has no secrets either." I smiled, tapping my forehead.

BPOV

Alice was so excited you would think she had never been to a wedding before, I shuddered to think what was running through her mind. It was going to be hard to keep her from inviting the whole world. But I was determine that Edward and my wedding would be small and intimate. We didn't need much, just each other. He was all I would ever need to be happy.

I was nervous about what Charlie and Renee would think and say. Charlie still wasn't very happy with Edward, the way he had left me, with no reasonable explanation, that we could tell him anyway. Oh and Renee, as much as I love my mother, she had very strange ideas about marriage and such. Charlie and Renee had married young and it hadn't worked, so she was very opposed to anyone getting married young. They would just have to understand we were different, Edward and I, we were more than soul mates, I am not sure what exactly how to describe our love, but it was truly unique. Not just the fact that Edward was a vampire and I was a human, for now anyway. Soon, very soon, I hoped I would be a vampire also, and Edward and I would have our forever.

Edward knocked on the door to Carlisle's study before walking in. Carlisle was working at his desk, but stopped when we entered. "Edward, Bella what can I do for you this evening?" Edward took my hand and we walked over to the couch and sat. "We need to speak to you about a few things. First of all I want you to be the first to know, well second actually, because of Alice's abilities only, Bella has agreed to become my wife." Carlisle looked genuinely thrilled. He shook Edward's hand and hugged me tight giving us his congratulations. "We aren't going to announce it until after graduation, but we thought you would wonder why Alice was bouncing around the house." Edward laughed as he looked down at me.

Suddenly Edward's expression turned serious, "There are some other things that we, especially Bella, need to speak with you about." Carlisle looked at each of us confused, Edward took a deep breath and continued "I have also agreed to have Bella join our family, permanently." Carlisle looked at Edward with a look of pure joy on his face, he took my hands in his "Bella, welcome to our family. It will be an honor, not only to have you as a daughter, but also as a daughter-in-law. You have truly brought more joy to Edward than anything in his years, and I am thrilled you will be with us through out our journey in this life." He kissed my cheek, "Thank you Carlisle" I said through tear filled eyes, "you don't know how much that means to me." Carlisle sat back down at his desk and asked "Now what else can I help you with."

I took a deep breath and looked at Edward who squeezed my hand, looking at me with encouragement,

"Carlisle, Edward feels that it is very important that I know what I am getting into. Even though I told him he is all I need, he still seems to think I will be losing so much if I am changed. He has asked me to speak to each member of your family about how you deal with the life you have. I would like to start with you, if you don't mind, since you have lived this life the longest." Carlisle looked from me to Edward and answered "Of course, Bella whatever you need." Edward cleared his throat, "I am going to go upstairs while you talk, you should both be able talk freely without any influence from me. Also, Carlisle I would like to speak to you about Bella's transformation, and I think Bella should be present for that. It can wait until after she had finished speaking to all the family." He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, "I will be upstairs when you are done, don't rush. I love you." I smiled, "I love you too." I watched as he closed the door behind him.

Suddenly I was nervous, Carlilse smile at me "So, what would you like to know? Knowing my son, I am sure he wishes us to tell you all the negatives about this life, and there are some, but there are also positives, so take your time. I will answer your questions as honestly as I can. Both for your benefit and for Edward's" He had a calming affect, just by his smile.

I stared at my hands and whispered but I knew he would hear me "Edward told me about how you were changed and some of your history. Do you remember much of your human life?"

"No much" he answered "I remember some of my father, I remember the facts of what happened to me, because it is what I concentrated on during my transformation. You lose a lot of your human memories, but the most recent ones stay. Some I have spoken with, say they concentrate on these memories when they are new to this life and they seem to stay. Bella I have a suggestion, if there are memories you would like to hold on to, write them down, as if in a journal, then you can read them...after and they should stay with you."

I smiled at him, thinking that was an excellent idea. I didn't want to forget the important people in my life or events. "Do you regret the life you have been given. I mean..I guess what I am trying to ask, is if you had been given a choice..oh that doesn't even make sense to me." I exclaimed.

Carlisle laughed softly, "I think I understand what you are trying to ask. I did not choose this life, it was thrust upon me as it was all my family members. I don't believe I have ever met anyone of our kind that chose this life. Do I regret this life? This is not the life I would have chosen Bella, so of course I wish I had never be changed" he glanced up at me, I guess to see how I was reacting, "but it is the life I have, and I chose to make the best of it. I studied and traveled. I have seen many changes, as you can imagine, in my 300 plus years on this earth. Things never cease to amaze me. The early years of my life were the most difficult. Adjusting to being around people, knowing I may slip at any time and kill for survival. But I am proud that I never have taken a human life. I have existed solely on animal blood. It was incredibility lonely, but when I decided to save Edward, and then Esme, my life improved immensely." He sighed, "it has been the most difficult for Edward. Until now. Now he knows love and joy. We have you to thank for that."

I couldn't help but smile, because I knew just what he meant. I don't think I was even alive before I meant Edward, now I felt I had everything. "Is fighting against your desire for blood the most difficult part of your life?"

He frowned, I could tell he was thinking over my question in his mind, "For me it was never really a battle. I would have rather died, that kill someone, that was just my compassion for my fellow man. I struggled in the beginning to stay away from humans, but when I found I could survive on animal blood, I eased my was back into interacting with humans. The desire for blood does seem to be strongest in the beginning, but it does ease, from what I can see. Now, I believe the hardest part of this life, is simply not to be discovered. To live among humans as" humans" without anyone finding out what we are." he smiled "present company excluded. We have to be very careful, not to show any of our abilities in front of humans, and sometimes it is hard." he leaned back in his chair, "Bella, I know how worried Edward is about changing you, and I have to admit you are the first person I have met that is choosing to live this life, but I truly believe you will be fine. You are choosing this life, you are choosing love, and I have never seen anything fail, when it is done out of love."

There was a soft knock at the door and Esme looked in "Am I interrupting?" she asked, Carlisle smiled and met her at the door, "Never, my love, come in please. Bella may have some questions for you. Edward has ask her to speak to each of us about this life, before she joins us." Esme's face broke out into a hugs smile. "He has finally agreed to allow you to join us? Oh Bella that is just wonderful. I am so happy." I hugged Esme and thank her.

I looked up at Esme and asked "Do you have any regrets for this life?" She took my hand and sat down next to me. "Oh Bella, Edward will be so disappointed, but no, I have no regrets. My human life, what I remember about it, was hard. I was in an abusive marriage, to a man I didn't love. When I found out I was pregnant, I ran as far as I could from the monster that was my husband. Then when I gave birth only to have my baby boy die, I had no reason to live. That is why I jumped. But with Carlisle and the rest of the family, I truly know what love is. So no, if I had to chose, from what I remember, I would chose this life over my human life every time.

I rose out of my chair and hugged Carlisle and Esme "thank you so much, I already feel so much a part of this family, thank you for your time." He hugged me back and said "any time Bella, and if there is anything else you need to know, just let me know, I will be happy to help in any way."

I left the room and went to find Edward. I knew he was anxious and I wanted him to know I was still determine.

I ran upstairs to Edward's bedroom, he was sitting crossed leg on his bed listening to his Ipod. He smiled when I walked in, but also looked nervous. I jumped into his arms and kissed him. "How did it go?" he asked I looked at him "It went well, he gave me some suggestions about how to remember my human life. He also said we could talk about the process of changing after I has spoken to everyone, and that you should be there, in case you have any questions.

Who should I speak to next?" I asked as he kissed my jaw. "Tomorrow" he smiled "Alice and Jasper, then speak to Rosalie and Emmett last. You can speak to them together or separately, whichever you prefer." I shuddered, I wasn't looking forward to speaking to Rosalie, she never did seem to like me very much. Edward picked me up and carried me downstairs "Let's get you home, before Charlie sends out a posse to look for you." I laughed "Knowing Charlie he is still probably at the station, but I should get dinner started."

Edward drove me home, I was right Charlie wasn't home yet. We walked into the house holding hands, and I went straight to the kitchen to start dinner. Charlie had been working late, so he could take off the whole day of my graduation. Renee and Phil were flying in tomorrow and I think Charlie was a little nervous about seeing them. No matter what he said I knew he still had feeling for Renee, and this was the first time he was meeting Phil. Edward and I had graduation practice so we couldn't pick them up at the airport, so Charlie had volunteered to pick them up. It surprised me, I thought it would be a little uncomfortable for everyone, but he informed me that they were all adults and would make everything work for me.

I had just about finished dinner when Edward said Charlie would be home in five minutes. He kissed me and told me he would be back later, after Charlie was asleep. He wanted to speak to the rest of him family, and Carlisle about what was to occur and give me some quality time with Charlie, since the next two days would be so hectic.

I was just putting dinner on the table when Charlie came in. He looked exhausted. "Hey Dad, rough day?" He took off his jacket and hung his gun belt up. "No, not really just a long day. But I only have to work until noon tomorrow, so I can pick your Mom up at the airport. Then have Thursday off for your big day."

He sat down at the table and was quiet for a few moments before he looked up at me and said "Bells, I can't believe you are graduating already. It seems like just yesterday you were starting first grade, and now look at you. All grown up, ready for college. Hard to believe." I shook my head, "Come on Dad you aren't going to get all emotional on me are you?'" He laughed, "I will try hard not too. But one day you will see, you will have children someday, although not anytime soon, I hope" he said as he frowned at me and continued, "then you will realize how quickly they grow up."

I looked down at my plate. I couldn't tell him how that would never happen. Edward and I would never have children, Charlie would never be a grandpa. It didn't really make me sad for myself. I never was one that wanted children, they were always leaking from one end or the other. But I did feel a little sad for Charlie and Renee. That they would never have the joy of being grandparents I just hoped they didn't have to lose their daughter. I still wasn't sure how were going to handle my transformation in regards to them. I hoped there was a way that I would not have to fake my death. Edward and I would figure this out. I was confident of that.

Charlie and I talked about different details of my graduation, confirmed what time he had to pick up Renee and Phil from the airport, made tentative plans to have dinner with Edwards parents, (that should be interesting) and Charlie went in to watch some game while I cleaned up the kitchen. I sat with Charlie and read awhile, just to spend time with him, not knowing exactly how much time I had left with him. After a while I told him goodnight and went up to take my shower.

After showering and blow drying my hair, sure that Edward wouldn't be back until Charlie was asleep, I went into my bedroom, and there was Edward, relaxing on my bed with a smirk on his face. I smiled and big goofy grin and walked over to him. "Hey you, you're early" he pulled me down on the bed with him "Sorry, I couldn't stay away, I missed you." He kissed me gently and as I giggled I said "Don't ever apologize for missing me, it is what you are suppose to do.... So what are the plans for tomorrow?" He sat me on his lap and looked deep into my eyes, "I think you should sleep as late as possible, then I will fix you breakfast. We are going to have lunch with Alice and Jasper." I stopped him "Lunch? You guys don't eat." He just shook his head. "Fine, _you _are going to have lunch, this way you can speak with Alice and Jasper, before we go to graduation practice."

He looked annoyed and I frowned at him "Practice, is such a waste of time." I laughed at him, "For you maybe, I mean how many times have you graduated, for me it is necessary, I want to know where I am going to be walking. I just hope I don't fall on my face and make it a really memorable graduation." He laughed, "This is true, Miss Klutz, but I would never let you fall." He kissed my forehead, "And what exactly would you be able to do? You will be up front with all the other C's I will be in the back with the S's." He laughed, "No one would ever see me fly back to catch you and return." I sighed "Yep you are probably right. Whatever would I do without you?" I said sarcastically "That, my love, you will never have to find out. Now you should get some sleep." he said as he started to hum my lullaby. I was asleep in no time.

EPOV

I watched Bella sleep. Thinking how much I would miss watching her facial expression and her mumbling in her sleep. It would be heaven to have her with me every second of the day and night, but I still felt so guilty about taking her life. I had hoped that by speaking with my family she would change her mind and just let me spend her human life with her. But she was stubborn. I knew that she would only hear the positive of being a monster, not the bad, because that was Bella.

I still hoped that maybe Rosalie would be the key. She was the most unhappy with our life. I was also afraid. Rosalie had never approved of my relationship with Bella, she saw her as a threat to our very life in Forks. Rosalie like Forks and didn't want to be forced to move.

Then when I left and insisted that the family leave, for Bella's safety, that only made her more unhappy. She was thrilled to come back to Forks, but very unhappy for the reason. Rosalie kept hoping I would get Bella out of my system or kill her. This is why I decided Bella should talk to Rosalie last, she would get the most unfavorable description of our life from her. I was also terrified. I knew Rosalie would not hurt Bella but I wasn't sure what she would tell her. This was the one time I was going to insist on being present to make sure she didn't try to convince Bella to not only forget becoming one of us, but also convincing her to leave me. I also knew Rosalie would be brutality honest with Bella whether I was there or not.

I waited until I was sure Bella was deep into her sleep cycle, before I ran home. Carlisle and I were going over different ways of handling Bella's transformation. Where it should take place and different ways we could eliminate as much as the pain as possible. This was new ground for Carlisle as well, he had never changed anyone who wasn't near death, and we both were determine to find the easiest way to do it.

I ran back to Bella's shortly before sunrise, sure she would still be asleep. I was attuned to her I felt I could feel her, even from a distance. I was back almost two hours before she began to stir. Her eyes fluttered behind her eye lids and she had the cutest way of scrunching her face, before she was fully awake. I loved to watch this. Which is why she always found me smiling when she woke up. I would never tell her why, because she would be too embarrassed.

I laid down next to her on her bed, because I knew before she opened her eyes she would be reaching out for me. I had just settled when her little hand reached out an touched my chest, I smiled as she opened her eyes. She scrunched up her face and asked "What are you smiling about?" I kissed her cheek and answered "Just how beautiful you are." She rolled her eyes and stretched before pulling herself into my chest, I wrapped my arms around her. "What time is it anyway" she asked. I rolled just a bit to see the clock "just after nine, are you sure you don't want to sleep a little longer? You have a long day?" she shook her head and looked up at me and said "I need a human moment." she rose to get out of bed, gathering her clothes and walking to the door. "I will start you breakfast, anything you would like? She smirked "Surprise me."

BPOV

I finished getting ready for the day and went downstairs to the most delectable smells coming from my kitchen. It still amazed me that Edward could cook so well, considering he didn't even eat. He claimed it was all from the Food Network, but I wondered. Sometimes I giggled to myself, picturing Edward slumped over cook books just to please me.

He had cooked bacon and French toast, sprinkled with powder sugar and it just melted in my mouth. He always cooked enough for a football team, but I ate as much as possible, because it was always so good. We cleaned up the kitchen together and then left for his house.

Graduation practice was scheduled for 4:00 pm and we wanted to arrange the meeting with Renee, Phil and Charlie. Renee really wanted to meet Edward's parents. Renee was much more forgiving of Edward than Charlie had been, but she had only really met him when I was in the hospital in Phoenix and she said she saw how much he loved me, so she was able to forgive him a little easier.

Everyone was in the living room of the Cullen house when we arrived. Alice was bouncing off the walls, excited about graduation, even though she had probably done it 20 times, and she grabbed me to discuss wedding plans.

The Cullen's were aware of our impending wedding even though we didn't intend to announce it until after graduation tomorrow night. Alice dragged up to her room, "Come with me Bella. You have to see your dress, it is perfect for you." I frowned, "Um, Alice... you brought my wedding dress?" She rolled her eyes and said "Of course silly, I know you don't like shopping and I saw this and knew it would be perfect. You must try it on to see if it needs to be altered, although I am positive it will fit like a glove."

She literally carried me by one arm up the stairs to her room and ran into her closet. She came out with a garment bag, still bouncing like a little fairy. She hung it up on the outside of the closet and unzipped the bag. I just stared at the dress. I couldn't say a word. It was truly stunning. Alice looked at me and her face fell, "You don't like it. That's okay we have time, I can return it and you can look at some selections on the computer, until we fine the perfect dress."

I shouted when I was finally able to breath, "NO,NO, Alice its..its..just ....perfect. How did you know, Edward will absolutely love it, it is so...him." She shook her head, "Yes, of course, but do you like it?"

I walked over to touch the dress, with tears in my eyes, "Alice I never saw myself in a wedding dress, it just isn't my style, but this is just perfect, I absolutely love it, how did you know, how did you do this." She snickered, "It's a gift."

She took my arm and told me to get undressed so I could try it on. I very carefully put the dress on and walked over to her wall to ceiling mirror. I just couldn't believe the girl in the mirror was me. The dress was satin, cover with vintage lace, it was high collared, with long sheer sleeves, with four button cuffs. The bodice fit me tight then flowed out like an inverted tulip at the bottom. It fit like it was made for me. The length was perfect, there would be no need for alterations. As I was standing there looking at this girl in the mirror with tears running down my face, because I could see Edward's face when he saw this. It was so much like something he would see if he had married the love of his life in the 1900s. Alice came up behind me and said sit down, I sat on the small stool she had place behind me and she placed the most incredible cathedral length veil on my head and the vision was complete. I truly looked like a bride, and for the first time I was excited about getting married.

Alice took me by the hand and pulled me into her closet where she had a three way mirror, so I could see the full effect of the dress. The back had what looked like a hundred pearl button from the collar all the way down to the middle of my waist, the dress flowed out into a natural train, and had a bustle to tie it up after the ceremony. I looked at Alice, and the tears just flowed, she said "Okay, that's enough, lets get you out of the dress before you ruin it with you tears, you need to save the tear for your wedding day, which reminds me... Bella, we need a date, any idea?"

As I carefully removed the dress so I wouldn't damage any of the beautiful lace, I said "I really have no idea, Alice, how much time to do you need. It needs to be sometime before Edward and I leave for college, which will be in late August, but also enough time to plan." She laughed, "Bella, I can pull this off in a month, if need be, you just give me a date, and believe me I will make it happen." I laughed, because I really had no doubt that she could. After I had removed the dress and Alice inspected it to make sure it was still perfect, we sat down with the calender and started looking for the perfect date. We decided on July 17th. I told Alice I would have to discuss it with Edward, but she just rolled her eyes and said "Edward will marry you tonight if you said yes, so I am sure an date will be fine with him." I smiled at her and nodded. I picked July 17th because Edward and I had first gone to our meadow on March 17th, the day of the spring dance, and that day had been the true beginning of our relationship. Edward had come back to me on April 17th, so to me, the 17th was a very significant day in our relationship. So July 17th was to be our wedding day.

Alice jumped up and told me to go play with Edward, she had thing to do. I turned to her before I opened the door, "Alice, you know the groom shouldn't see the wedding dress before the wedding, how are you going to do that with Edward's gift" I emphasized by tapping my forehead. She told me not to worry, she had no intentions of thinking about the dress around Edward, and she refused to let anyone but me see it before the wedding. I smiled at her, knowing she had everything under control and went to find my Edward.

He was in the study talking to Carlisle when I came downstairs. He smiled at me and asked "Are you overwhelmed, shall we fly to Vegas this evening?" I heard Alice shout from somewhere in the house, "Over my dead body Edward Cullen." We both burst out laughing. I sat on his lap and asked "So Mr. Cullen what are you doing on July 17th?" He looked puzzled for a moment and then smiled his crooked smile, "Well, I believe that I will be marrying you." He kissed me and I asked "Is that date okay with you, I didn't know if you had a particular date in mind or not." "Bella, if it was only up to me I would be marrying you tonight, but since _**Alice **_has to have her way with _**our wedding**_" I heard Alice giggle "I can wait until July 17th" I looked at him "I love you so much Edward," He kissed my hand and responded "As I love you"

We spent the rest of the morning relaxing, or trying to, Alice kept grabbing me to look at something on the computer, to see if I liked these flower or this napkin or something wedding related. I finally told her to just get whatever made her happy. She had done such a great job with the dress I knew whatever she did would be fine. I spoke with Charlie on the phone and decided, after talking to the Cullen's that he, Renee and Phil, would at a local lounge after practice for drinks. I was relieved because I didn't know how we would handle dinner, when the Cullen's didn't eat.

Shortly before noon, Edward, Alice, Jasper and I made our way out back. Alice had made an incredible

lunch of chicken breast and salad. They had set a table out by the river and while I ate, I asked Alice and Jasper about their lives. Edward stayed for awhile, but then he kissed me and said he would be inside. Once again he wanted everyone to be comfortable.

Alice didn't have any memory of her human life. The life she had is all she remembered and she was always happy. She told me numerous times she couldn't wait until I joined the family permanently.. She loved her life as she love Jasper, and she was sure since I loved Edward as I did, once I was less breakable and could experience physical love, I would also love this life.

Jasper on the other hand had more trouble adjusting the the vampire life. Not just the vegetarian lifestyle the Cullen's lived by, but adjusting to being a vampire. Jasper is able to recalled the last few years of his human life, for some reason. Carlisle had explained that most vampires lost memory of their human life, much of it as soon as they changed, while others could hold onto certain memories. But Jasper was different. He was a Major in the Confederate Army and loved his life. The military was his life and he was dedicated to the South. He had been changed by a woman named Maria, who wanted his military expertise to fight vampire wars in the south. He remembers his transformation as being excruciating. He had no clue what was happening to him, he thought he was being burned alive, and couldn't understand why it was taking so long. Then he thought he must of gone to hell, and didn't think he had lived his life in such a way to deserve hell.

Jasper continued telling his story, occasionally getting a far away look in his eyes, Alice was there and would rub his arm every now and then. When his transformation was complete, still not sure what he had become, his military training kicked in and he helped Maria and her band, fight newborn and corrupt vampires all over the south. He became close friends with Peter, another vampire Maria has changed for battle. Eventually, Peter fell in love with another vampire, Charlotte, and they grew tired of Maria's controlling was and went off on their own. Soon, Jasper said he felt a pull to be somewhere else, so he also left. He wandered around for a year or so, always getting a definite pull to go to a certain place. Then one day he walked into a diner, and there was Alice. Alice had walked up to him and asked him what took him so long. The rest is history, as they say.

Jasper said given a choice he would not have chosen this life. But, if he had not been changed he would never have found Alice.

Alice made all the difference in his life, although he still struggled with the vegetarian aspects of the Cullen's lifestyle, he knew he would stick to it, because he loved Alice and he saw that killing innocent people to survive was wrong.

Jasper took my hands in his, which startled me at first, since it was the first time he had touched me, and said "Bella, as long as you have love, you can endure anything. The change that I have seen in Edward since he met you is indescribable. Your love has brought him to life and filled him with joy for probably the first time in his existence. He is afraid, for you, but I think once you transform, he will have no regrets. Because then he will be complete." I looked at Jasper with tears running down my face, "Jasper, I so want to hug you right now, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but just know that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, thank you." Jasper reached over and gave me a very quick hug, and said "anytime, little sis" Alice started bouncing up and down again and clapping her hands. Suddenly Edward was at my side, "Everything okay" he asked looking down at my tear stained face. I stood up put my arms around his neck, and told him "Everything is perfect, just perfect." He just looked at each of us a little confused. So I kissed him.

After Renee called to tell me they had arrived safely and Charlie was taking them to their bed and breakfast to check in, we left for graduation practice. Edward and I were going to meet them at the local lounge for drinks along with Carlisle an Esme after practice. We decided drinks would be more casual than dinner and easier to conceal, since vampires don't eat. Graduation practice took a little over two hours and then we were driving through town to meet Mom, Phil and Charlie.

We arrived at the Forks Lounge and everyone was already there. Carlisle and Esme were charming Renee and Phil. Poor Charlie just looked totally out of place, and I am sure he was wishing he was home in front of his flat screen watching whatever game was on.

Mom spotted me and Edward and ran over to us giving me a huge hug. She grabbed Edward and hugged him tightly, surprising him. I took him over and introduced him to Phil and we just spent the evening talking about everything and nothing. Mom kept going on about how grown up I was, and how excited she was about me going to college. She wanted us to come to Florida before we left for college and Edward and I just looked at one another. I cringed a little thinking about what her reaction would be to our marriage. All in all it was a very pleasant evening. Mom just loved the Cullen's and kept telling everyone how gorgeous her daughters boyfriend was. After about an hour we all said goodbye and I rode home with Charlie, knowing Edward would be by soon.

Charlie was quiet on the drive home. I finally asked him "You okay Dad?" he glanced over at me "Sure Bells, I fine, just a little overwhelmed, about my little girl graduating, thats all." I smiled at him. He didn't say anything for awhile then said "Your Mom look really happy. Phil seems like a really nice guy." I rubbed Dad's arm and said "He is Dad, and he loves Mom, I know it is hard for you, but someday you will find someone too." He shook his head, "No Bells those days are over for me. You only have one great love in you life, and your mother was mine." He looked over at me "As much as I hate to admit it, I think you have yours in Edward. I still haven't forgiven him for what he did to you, but I can tell by the way he looks at you, he loves you." I felt tears filling my eyes "But if he ever hurts you again, I don't think I can refrain myself." I said "Dad, you don't have to worry about that...I promise."

Dad went right to bed as soon as we got home. I think this day was more trying on him than he was willing to admit, and I knew tomorrow would be worse.

Edward showed up about an hour later and we discussed plans for tomorrow. I would talk to Emmett and Rosalie in the morning. Then graduation. Then Charlie was having a small party at the house after graduation and we decided to announce of plans then, when everyone we loved would be there. Suddenly I was a little frightened.

I woke up early, and Edward had said Charlie had left a note that he had gone fishing, but would be back in plenty of time to leave for the school. I ate a light breakfast, since my nerves were getting to me with everything that was going to happen today. I was really afraid to talk to Rosalie, knowing she never liked me, and then telling my family about my upcoming wedding really worried me.

We arrived at the Cullen's, Edward put his arm around my waist and smiled at me "Don't worry, I won't let Rosalie hurt you." I looked at him "You are joking, but I am not too sure she won't eat me alive." He laughed out loud, "You may find this hard to believe, but Rosalie had never bitten a human, so I am pretty sure you are safe." I looked at him in surprise " Okay, Mr Cullen, lead me to my slaughter."

When we entered the house, Rosalie and Emmett were lounging on the sofa watching television. Emmett sat up and gave us a big grin. "So, little one, I hear you want to hear all about the vampire life." I felt myself blushing, and just shook my head. "Well, I will tell you, it's great, especially when you have a beautiful wife, like mine" he laughed as he kissed Rosalie's cheek. Edward just shook his head "Thanks, Em, you are going to be a big help" He punched Edward in the arm, hard enough that if he was human he would of broke his arm, "I don't know why you frighted this for so long bro, wait until she is one of us, and you can experience the physical side of love, you will be sorry you didn't change her years ago." I didn't think it was possible to turn any redder, but I did. Edward just responded "Emmett, really." Rosalie smacked him on the back of his head, which just made Emmett laugh all that much harder. Then it was time to talk to Rosalie, I sat in the chair across from them with Edward on the arm and quietly I asked "Rosalie will you tell me your take on this life?"

Rosalie proceeding to tell me her story, about how her change occurred. About how her rich finance and a group of his drunken friends had attacked her, beat her, gang raped her and left her for dead. How Carlisle had found her and changed her in hopes she would be Edward's mate, and how angry she had been when Edward didn't want her. She made it perfectly clear that she never had any feelings for Edward, other than as a brother, but just the fact he didn't fall instantly in love with her the way most men did. She told me of finding Emmett, after he was mauled by a bear and ran over 100 miles to have Carlisle save him, because she was afraid she would not be able to stop.

She looked at me for a long time and said "Bella, I just want you to consider this...I know you love my brother and he loves you. So I guess I understand while you want to be with him forever, but think about what you will be giving up. You will never have children, or grandchildren. You will never change. Everyone that you love, your parents, your friends, will die and you will grieve for them for all eternity. It is the natural life cycle to be born, to grow, to marry, to have babies and to die. All of this will go away if you chose this life. I have no complaints, other than the fact I cannot have children. This is the only thing I regret." With that she was done. She just stopped and went back to watching television.

Edward and I went up to his room after I thanked Rosalie and Emmett. We sat on his bed for awhile, and after a while he said "Tell me what your thinking, love" I sighed "Edward, I realized you wanted me to speak to your family about this life, and I did, but no one really had anything bad to say."

"I know." he answered "Rose surprised me, I thought she would really paint it as a horrible life, she always seems to see it that way." I snuggled up to his chest and said "Maybe, they just want you to be happy, and even though you don't think so, I think you will be happier once I am less breakable." He just shook his head, and said "We should go so you can get ready."

The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur. Graduation went off flawlessly, I manage to only trip twice, and caught myself before I sprawled on the ground, and really make it a memorable graduation.

Edward and I made it back to Charlie's shortly after the festivities ended. All of the Cullen's were there and as I walked out into the backyard, Jacob picked me up and spun me around, congratulating me. He was hand in hand with Cheyanne. I introduced her to Edward to stop Edward and Jacob glaring at each other. We made our rounds and spoke to everyone, thanking them for coming. Charlie and Renee each made little speeches about their little girl, embarrassing me even further. Once everyone had quieted down and were just talking among themselves, Edward pulled me aside and said "Ready?" I gulped and said, "Whenever you are" He reached up to release the necklace I had been wearing my engagement ring on and placed in on my third finger of my left hand. He kissed it gently and said "Let's do it." I grimaced and said and I glanced at Charlie "It's a good thing you are bullet proof." He laughed out loud.

Edward and I walked to the center of the backyard where everyone was gathered. Edward cleared his throat and said, "Can I have everyone's attention?" there was instant silence, "First of all I would like to thank Charlie for hosting this little gathering, to honor our graduation. The love here is palpable and it means the world to Bella. Everyone here is either family or friend and we have some news we would like to share with all of you" Suddenly I was very nervous and, of course, Edward sensed it.

He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "Bella and I will be starting a new journey soon, going to college. Most of you know that I love Bella with every ounce of my being. She has brought more joy and happiness into my life than I though was possible. She is my life. I have made many mistakes along the way, and for some reason that I will never understand, Bella has forgiven me for those mistakes. I pledge, now, in front of all of her family and friends that I intend to spend the rest of my life making up for all the hurt I cause her." Edward pulled me close so that I was facing him and spoke directly to me, as the tears started forming in my eyes, "Bella, I love you more than life itself, and by some miracle, you love me back." All I could do was nod my head and smile up at him. He turned to face everyone. "So before we leave for college, I am happy to announce that Bella has agreed to become my wife, and we hope that all of you will come help us celebrate of marriage on July 17th"

He leaned down and kissed me, and total silence came over the gathering.

**So Bella has spoken to all the family members. What did you think? Surprised??**

**Next chapter, reactions to the wedding news.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N All thing Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer...I just twisted them around a bit.**

"_Bella, I love you more than life itself, and by some miracle, you love me back." All I could do was nod my head and smile up at him. He turned to face everyone. "So before we leave for college, I am happy to announce that Bella has agreed to become my wife, and we hope that all of you will come help us celebrate of marriage on July 17th"_

_He leaned down and kissed me, and total silence came over the gathering._

BPOV

Every one was staring at us with their mouths hanging open. I looked up at Edward and whispered in his ear, quietly, so only he could hear "Well, that when over well." He looked down at me and squeezed my hand, just to let me know every thing would be okay.

Suddenly, Alice jumped up and cheered like it was the first time she had heard our news. Running up and hugging us both, jumping up and down. Soon our friends and the Cullen's join in. This is why I loved Alice. She could always make things better.

I glanced over at my parents. Renee was just staring at me, with a strange look on her face. Charlie looked like someone had just told him that fishing was being outlawed. Jacob looked like he was about to explode. I just leaned in closer to Edward, because with him I was safe.

After most everyone had congratulated us they started to leave. I guess they noticed my parents had not really said anything. Within a half hour of our announcement the party had dwindled down to just the Cullen's, my parents, Jacob, Cheyanne and Seth. In almost slow motion we all seem to gather in a small circle, except Jacob who was with Cheyanne and Seth. I would glance at them, and Jacob seem frozen.

I heard Charlie clear his throat and looked up at him. "I have one question." he glared at Edward, then looked over at me "are you pregnant." I was stunned "Oh gawd, Dad, NO, of course not. I can't even believe you would ask me that, here, now in front of.." I couldn't even finish I was so embarrassed.

He knew I was lousy at lying so apparently he believed me. If he only knew how moralistic Edward was he would be amazed

"Sorry, I had to ask. Why now, you both or so young, why not wait until after college, to be sure nothing is going to happen." I snapped my head up "Nothing is going to happen Dad." Edward pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around my waist. " Charlie, we love each other. We are going to college and we are going to be together, and we want to do it right, it was the way I was raise. I know you have issues with me. But I promise you, here, before my family and all the people I love. I will take care of your daughter and will do everything in my power to never hurt her again."

Charlie looked over at Carlisle and Esme, "Are you alright with this?" Carlisle took at deep breath "Charlie, I know they are young, I saw what being away from Bella did to Edward last fall, just as you saw what it did to Bella," I saw Charlie cringe, "I honestly believe that neither of them want to ever go through that kind of pain again. If two people can make a life together work, it is Bella and Edward. So, yes, I will give them my blessing, because I know when the love is strong enough, as their's is, you can survive anything." I smiled at Carlisle, "Thank you Carlisle."

Charlie walked over to me and took my hands in his, he looked at me "You sure about this?" I felt the tears stinging my eyes, because I knew how hard this was for him "I am 100 percent sure of Edward, Dad. I can't imagine my life without, he is my future, so yes, I am sure" He bent down and kiss my forehead and said, "Okay then, you have my blessing...July huh...wow that is so soon." Then he turned to Edward and shook his hand "I only have one thing to say, take care of my little girl. " Edward smiled "I will, sir, I promise."

Charlie turned to walk in the house then turned back to Edward "Just one more thing, you hurt her again, and there is nothing in this world to stop me from tearing you limb from limb, you understand?" I shouted "Dad.." but Edward stopped me. "You have my word, sir, I will do everything in my power to be sure Bella never suffers because of me." Charlie shook his head and walked into the house. I knew today was way to much for him, emotionally.

I looked up at Edward and saw the pain in his eyes. I knew he was thinking of my transformation and the pain I would have to go through. I whispered to him "You won't be hurting me, you will be giving me an eternity of happiness." He looked at me "You will still be hurt, because of me." I reached up and took his face in my hands, "I know you would do anything for me, walk through fire, if it met we could be together, so please, let me do this for us." He nodded his head and kissed me.

I noticed my mother standing with her arms around Phil, with tears running down her face. She was trying not to let me see them. "Mom?" She walked over to me after wiping her face and hugged me tight. "You think I am going to tell you your are making a mistake, don't you?" I knew she was going to hardest to sell, she was totally against marrying young. I started to argue with her, but she stopped me.

"Bella, I know I have told you all you life not to marry young. To live you life while you are young and be sure before committing yourself to another. But you have always been so different from other people. So different than I was at your age. You make a decision and you stick with it. I know what you and Edward have gone through. I see the way he looks at you. I know that he will make you happy and this is what you want, so, I guess I will be seeing you again in July." I was stunned. I was speechless. I had been planning all day what I would say to Mom to convince her I knew what I was doing. I looked at her and did what I did best, I cried. I hugged her. I thanked her. Then she hugged Edward and we all cried.

Shortly after, Renee and Phil left to go back to their room, the Cullen's left and it was just me and Edward. I was enjoying the quiet, just being in his arms, when I remembered something. "Where did Jacob go?" Edward kissed me and said "They left while you were talking to your Mom. Seth told me they would talk to you tomorrow. Jacob was too upset to stay" I shook my head. "He is really going to have a problem with this. I thought after he found Cheyanne he would understand that we don't have a choice. We _have _to be together. I should go see him tomorrow, after we take Renee and Phil to the airport." Edward stopped me "Not by yourself, he is too unstable and if he gets upset with you and phases..." I said "Edward, I know you don't believe me, but Jacob, would never hurt me." He sighed "Bella, I know he would never hurt you on purpose, but look at Emily, do you think Sam wanted to do that?" referring to the time Sam phased too close to the love of his life Emily, and now she was scarred for life. Edward pulled me close "Please Bella, for me, let me be there. You can call him and we can meet somewhere neutral and discuss this. If he brings Cheyanne, we can help him understand." I kissed his chin, "I will call him, and feel him out on the subject. But I am going to talk to him, even if I have to go to LaPush." Edward just glared at me while we walked to the house. He kissed me gently and said "I will be in your room. I think you Dad might need to spend some time with you."

I walked into the house and into the living room to find Charlie sitting on the sofa looking at old photo albums. I sat on the arm of the sofa "What are you doing Dad?" He smiled up at me, but the smile didn't reach his eyes "Just looking at memories." he sighed deeply. "It is just so hard, looking at this little girl" he said pointing to a picture in the album of me when I was around four "to believe that she is all grown up, about to be a wife.." he stopped and closed the book. He sighed and looked up at me "you find out one day. When you have children, they grow up too soon. Just don't make me a granddad to soon, okay?" If only he knew that would never happen. I put my arm around his shoulders. I know he was uncomfortable with all this emotion as I am "Dad, I love you, and I know you think I am making a mistake marrying Edward. But it's not like that. I do know what I am doing, Edward and I are just right together."

Charlie stood up and gave me a hug. "Well Bells, if anyone can make love work in this crazy world, you can. I have never known anyone who has so much love in their heart, the ability to forgive, like you do. I just want you to be happy, and if Edward makes you happy, then so be it" I smiled "Thanks Dad, I know this is hard for you." He started up the steps, "You going to bed? You have had a busy day with graduation and an engagement." I said "Yeah, I will be up shortly. Just going to clean up a little. Good night Dad....oh and Dad." He turned to face me" Yeah?" "You will always be my number one guy." He just smiled "Good night Bella."

Edward let me sleep late. When I woke up it was almost 10 am. I jumped up knowing we had to take Renee and Phil to the airport at 12 noon, but Edward calmed me down. "We have plenty of time. Go take your shower and I will have breakfast done." I kissed him and went to shower quickly. I wanted to call Jake before we left, and I wanted to do it when Edward couldn't hear. I went down stairs to eat and Edward told me he was going to run home to get his car, since we all wouldn't fit in my truck and I thought, it was great, I could call Jacob, while he was gone and see how he felt about meeting me and Edward this afternoon. Edward kissed me deeply "I will be back in about 15 mins, you will be ready to go right?" I smiled at him "Be waiting impatiently, don't be long."

I ran upstairs to dress so I would be ready when Edward returned, then I called Jacob, Cheyanne answered the phone "Hi, its Bella, is Jacob there." She answered "Hold on Bella" It seemed like it took forever before Jacob picked up the phone, or maybe it seemed that way, because I was so anxious "Bella" I heard Jacob say in a very strained voice. "Jacob, I know you are upset, but we need to talk." He didn't say anything for a few minutes then"Why Bella, you have made you decision, nothing I say is going to change your mind" I shook my head "Jake, you are my best friend and I love you. I need you to understand, please meet me this afternoon so we can talk."

"Are you going to be alone?" he asked "Edward would like to be there, but if you can't handle it we can meet alone." he sighed I think this is a very bad idea, but fine, Cheyanne will be with me, we can meet at the park, say 4:00?"

"Great, thank you Jacob, we will see you then" He hung up. Oh boy this was not going to be fun. I heard Edward's car coming down the street, so I went out to meet him.

The rest of the morning went by way too fast. We got Renee and Phil to the airport, shared hugs and kisses, and promises to be back in July, a few days before the wedding, and then they were gone.

As Edward and I walked back to the car I told him about my conversation with Jacob. He shook his head and agreed with me to keep it together during the meeting as long as Jacob presented no risk to my safety.

Edward and I arrived at the park a little early. We sat at one of the picnic tables and Edward took my face in his hands and made me look at him, "Bella, I know Jacob is your best friend, and you love him. While I will be forever indebted to him for being there for you when I ...wasn't" he voice broke, and I rubbed his arm to let him know I understood, "Jacob is a very young werewolf and can be very dangerous if provoked, so please promise me, you will not get to close, if he appears upset, or that you won't get upset with me if I suddenly pull you away. I need to keep you safe." I smiled up at Edward, "I will be careful I promise, even though I don't believe we have anything to worry about." Edward did not look convinced as his eyes roamed around the park.

A few minutes before 4:00 I heard Jake's motorcycle pull into the park. I was a little nervous watching Jacob and Cheyanne walk toward us. Jacob was my best friend and I knew he would never bless this marriage, but I wanted him to at least agreed to come to the wedding.

You could feel the tension in the air as they reached our table, I saw Cheyanne whisper into Jacobs ear and he nodded. Edward put his arms around my waist and pulled me close to his side.

Jacob stopped a few yards away from us and looked from me to Edward, "Well I guess congratulations are in order." he snarled sarcastically. I looked at him "Jake, please don't be that way.." He interrupted "Can I speak to you alone, Bella?" Edward said quickly "I don't think that is a good idea." Before I could say a word Jacob looked at Edward and said. "Right over there, we will be in your sight." Before Edward could object. I said "Of course Jacob" I turned to Edward and told him "It will be fine, I promise." I knew he would be able to hear every word we said, so that should give him some comfort, but I could tell from his expression he wasn't happy.

Jacob and I walk a short distance away, far enough that Jacob thought we wouldn't be over heard, then he turned to me and said softly "Bella, what the hell are you doing?" I sighed "I am marrying the man I love, what is so hard to understand about that."

"Well first of all he isn't a man, second what kind of marriage can you have, what do you plan to play scrabble for the rest of your life, you cannot have a real marriage with a leech." Jacob shouted.

Jacob was making me angry and I tried to suppress it, because I knew he was upset, "Jake, Edward is a man, and yes I can have a real marriage. It may be unconventional, but it will be real. You know how it is with Cheyanne. How you _have_ to be with her, how she is your life. It is like that for me also. I cannot survive without Edward." he looked down at me an asked "Is that why you are marrying him. So he can't leave again. Because Bella he can, a ring is not going to keep him with you."

I took a deep breath to calm down, "Jacob, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say to me. Do you honestly think I am so shallow that I would marry someone just to keep them with me. I come from divorced parents, I know marriage doesn't guarantee happiness. You know why Edward left, _to protect me_, and you know why he came back, we love each other, why is that so hard for you to understand?"

Jacob reached out to take my hand and we both heard Edward hiss from across the park, we both rolled our eyes, and Jacob continued "Bella, I love you, I just keep seeing you, how you were when he left, how broken you were. I don't think you could survive that again" I interrupted "I won't..." but he stopped me, "I know you believe in him and have all the faith in the world in your precious Edward" he said sarcastically, "but can you live with never having physical love, he can't give you that, not without killing you, have either of you even thought about that aspect. He is asking you to give up an awful lot just to be his wife, are you sure it is not just another control issue with him? You are his wife, he knows your will always be faithful, you are the one losing, Bella, not him."

I shook my head and started pacing trying to figure out how to make Jacob understand. I was aggravated that he only saw one side and couldn't see that Edward and I were as deeply connected as he and Cheyanne were, and we didn't have whatever this imprinting crap was it was just us, and our love.

"You are my best friend, Jake, but I want you to try to see things from a different perspective. Can you even begin to imagine a minute without Cheyanne in your life?" He shook his head "Okay, Jake, that is how I feel about Edward. I love him with every ounce of my being and I want to spend my life with him. All you see is the fact that he is a vampire and that he hurt me. He did not chose to be a vampire, but he has made the best of what was dealt him. Yes, he hurt me, but his intentions were good, and he was in as much pain as I was. Jacob, look at me." He lifted his eyes from the ground and stared into mine "I need him as much as I love him. There is nothing in this universe I would not do for him, and he for me. I am asking you to understand that. I will not ask for your blessing, or for you to attend the wedding, but it would give me great joy if you would, if you would be my _best man." _

Jacob didn't say anything for the longest time. He just sat perfectly still, looking at the ground. I knew he was trying to make a decision, that he could live with and would make be happy. Because that was Jacob and I. We always tried to make the other happy, if we could, even if it made ourself unhappy.

After what seemed like forever, he very calmly looked up at me, with tears in his eyes and said "he is going to change you isn't he?" I wasn't sure what to say to him, I couldn't lie to Jacob, I was horrible at lying, but Jake always knew. I just looked at him, he stood up and I noticed his fist clenching. Next thing I knew I was standing 20 feet away from him, behind Edward.

"Edward, that was really unnecessary." I told him, he looked at me "He was getting upset, I will not risk you Bella, please understand that." Edward pulled me tight to his chest, rubbing my back. Cheyanne had walked over to Jacob and they stood there for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, before I saw them start to walk back to us. I could feel Edward start to tense.

When Jacob reach a few feet of us I looked at him "Jake it is my choice, please understand that. It is my destiny." He didn't even look at me. He spoke to Edward, very calmly "Can I speak to you, please" then he glanced at me "alone." Edward looked down at me and kissed my forehead as he nodded his head, "Stay here, I will just be a minute." I grabbed his arm and looked from him to Jacob, trying to read something on one of their faces, but they were both stone. I knew Edward knew what Jacob wanted, but he had no intention of telling me. "Wait, Jacob... " Edward just touched my arm and walked over to Jacob as they both moved away. I started to follow but Cheyanne stopped me, "Bella, there are things that need to be said, let them talk, Jacob promised me he would not lose his temper, it will be okay." I looked at her and looked at them, torn about what to do. But I stayed put and just watched.

I was frozen watching Jacob and Edward. They both seemed calm, neither raised their voice. I could hear nothing, but I was sure they could both hear my heart pounding. I was terrified, but I didn't know why.

After about five minutes, they both turned and started walking toward me. Edward reached me first and I searched his face, but he showed nothing. Jacob touched my arm "Bella, if you still want me there, I will be honored to be at your wedding." I looked from Jacob to Edward, both of their faces clear of any emotions. "Of course I want you their Jacob, thank you." He nodded his head, took Cheyanne by the arm and left. I looked at Edward, "Please, what was that all about?" He shook his head. "Just some things he needed to get off his chest. He will be at the wedding, your day will be perfect" He bent down to kiss me, but something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes.

**A/N Hmmm Are Edward and Jacob keeping secrets? **

**Reveiws are loved, good and bad.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just moved them around a bit.**

**This chapter was difficult to write, I kept changing the conversation between Jacob and Edward, still not sure if I am happy with it, but this I think is the closest to be true to their characters. **

**Thanks so much for all your reviews! It makes me smile!!**

EPOV

I watched Bella and Jacob talking, listening, only to make sure he didn't lose his temper and phase unintentionally. I knew Bella trusted Jacob with her life. While I will be eternally grateful for Jacob, for looking after Bella while I was away, I can't risk her getting hurt or worse. I cringed just to think of the possibilities of what could happen if Jacob could not control himself.

I heard Jacob ask Bella if I was going to change her, and I tensed. I knew Bella wouldn't lie, Bella can't lie, not even if it is for her own protection. When I saw Jacob's fist clenched, I reacted before he could, I ran and grabbed Bella and brought her back to where I had been, just a fraction of a second after Jacob thought of killing me. Bella looked at me and told me how unnecessary it was, but I knew better.

After a few moments Jacob came walking toward us. I was still a little nervous, but from his thoughts I knew he had calmed. Bella, always trying to make everyone happy, tried to tell Jacob that it was her idea to be changed, I really don't think that mattered to Jacob. He would always see me as the bad guy, the man who would take Bella's soul from her. I couldn't blame him, because that is exactly what I would be doing. Jacob ignored Bella, and looked at me "Can I speak to you please?" I nodded, he looked over at Bella and said "alone." Bella looked panicked I told her I would be right back, but she grabbed onto me. I smiled at her and told her I would only be a minute.

We walked over to where Bella and Jacob has spoken, I knew that human ears would not hear us. Jacob knelled down and looked at the ground, after a while he spoke, "I love her" I answered "I know."

"Before I met Cheyanne, I thought I was in love with her." Jacob whispered softly. "I know that also." I replied. He glanced up at me, I guess to read my reaction "You will be breaking the treaty, if you change her. You know what that means, it will be all out war." I sighed deeply "We won't be here when it happens." I saw the anger flash in his eyes, "You know that won't make a difference, there are no boundary lines when it comes to this."

I didn't know how to answer him, so I said nothing. He was quiet for awhile then he spoke so softly even my vampire hearing barely heard him "You should of never come back." I just shook my head as I as surged with anger, "If I hadn't come back, she would have been dead." He looked at me in shock, "You believe that if you want, but she was getting better."

I debated what to tell him, but I felt he needed to know, "The day I revealed myself to her, she was getting ready to take enough pills to kill a horse, that is the only reason I let her see me." He just looked at me stunned "What the hell are you talking about. Bella would not kill herself. Not after every thing she had been through. She wouldn't do that to Charlie"he shouted."She wouldn't do that to me." he whispered.

I looked at him and spoke softly "I had been back a few days, I had to see if she was okay. I arrived back in Forks the day the pack killed Victoria, the day Harry Clearwater died. I went to her after she had fallen asleep, She looked so fragile, so pale, so sad. I thought it was because of all that had happened. I just watched her from afar for a few days, trying to decide whether to stay or go. I needed to know if she was going to be okay. I so wanted to just see her smile again. After Harry Clearwater's funeral, Charlie was still at the reservation, helping the Clearwater's when Bella woke up that night. She was restless and crying. She came out to the edge of the woods. The same place I had left her so many months ago. She was almost hysterical. She was talking to me, but she didn't know I was there."

I had to stop for a minute, remembering what I had done to her, feeling the pain in her voice. "She yelled that she couldn't take it anymore, that she knew she had made promises, but so had I, and I broke every one I ever made to her, so why should she have to keep hers. I watched Bella walk back into the house with the such determination on her face it frightened me. I don't know why, but I knew she was about to do something reckless, so I flew up to her bedroom. When she walked in she was holding a glass of water and several vial of medication, I had to stop her. When she saw me, she just dropped. The water, the pills and herself. So you see Jacob, if I had chosen to stay away, Bella might not be here now."

Jacob didn't say anything for awhile, just looked at me like I had suddenly grown another head. Finally he muttered "I can't believe she would of done that, I can't believe I didn't see it. I thought she was beginning to forget you." He just shook his head a few time, as if trying to clear it, to see things better.

"That is what I was hoping would happen when I left, that she would move on and have a normal human life. I don't know, Jacob, maybe it was a combination of every thing that had happened that made her resort to that. But I could not, would not allow that to happen." I swallowed the lump I felt in my throat, "everything I have done since day one, concerning Bella, has been wrong. I should of left the first day I saw her, and felt the effect she had on me, but I couldn't. I probably shouldn't have left, knowing, now how it affected her and myself. But I am back now I can't leave again. It is like she is a part of me, I am not complete without her. I know it is wrong, I don't want to change her. It is what she wants and I cannot deny her anything."

Jacob stood and just looked at me for the longest time. "As much as I hate to admit it, I can see you love her. I hate it. I hate the fact that she loves you, because I only see it being harmful to her." He stopped and looked me in the eye, "Cheyanne made me realize that I was hurting Bella by fighting with her about you. It is just so hard to stand back and do nothing, when I believe with all my heart that this is going to end badly. Have you thought about everything you are stealing from her? Her family? What is Charlie going to do when she just disappears or her mother? Are you going to fake her death? It will kill Charlie. She will never be able to have children, she made brush that off now, but eventually she will resent you for that. Are you prepared for an eternity of Bella's resenting you for stealing so much for her? When I think about her being turned into a_ bloodsucker _it makes me physically sick.

I looked at Jacob and shook my head "She will still be Bella, Jacob" He laughed "No, no, she will be some vamped out version of Bella, it won't be the same." I thought for a moment "Jacob, I know you will never believe me, but my family, we did not choose this life, but we have tried to make the best of it. We live among humans, we don't hunt humans. That is why your great grandfather agreed to the treaty. No one in my family has harmed a human in over 100 years. Do you really think Bella could love me if I was the monster you think I am?"

Jacob just shook his head, "It just isn't right" I smirked "Life isn't always right, but you do the best you can. Bella wants you at our wedding, I understand if you feel you can't be there, and I will make sure Bella understands, but it has to be your decision."

He looked at me and said softly "Cheyanne and I are getting married." I stared at him stunned, he continued "we haven't announced anything yet. Cheyanne didn't want to take away from Bella's moment. We picked New Year's Eve, so we can start the new year out as man and wife." He looked straight into my eyes "We would like Bella to be there" I tried not to change my expression, knowing this was the day Bella had chosen for her transformation, "If you want her there, she will be there." I knew she would not miss Jacob's celebration, no matter what. "But will it be Bella or some version of Bella, no one but you can stand."

"It will be the Bella you love." he looked stunned "So you are not going to change her as soon as you are married?" I answered "No, Jacob, it is a process, plus she has agreed to certain terms, and one of them is that she attend at least one semester of college, I hope to put it off as long as possible, but Bella can be very persuasive." He laughed "You're telling me, that is on stubborn girl." I smiled at him. If things had been different. If we weren't sworn enemies. If he wasn't trying to take away my reason for existing, we might have been friends. He nodded his head and started walking over to Bella and Cheyanne would were still watching us nervously. I followed watching Bella there entire way. When he reached Bella he looked at her and said "Bella if you still want me there, I will be honored to be at your wedding." Bella stared at him and with tears in her eyes she said "Of course I want you there, Jacob. Thank you." And with that Jacob turned and left.

Bella looked up at me with concerned eyes, "Please, what was that all about?" He shook his head. "Just some things he needed to get off his chest. He will be at the wedding, your day will be perfect." I knew Jacob was right. That turning Bella was wrong. I was stealing so much from her.

BPOV

After Jacob and Edward's talk, Edward had become very withdrawn. I couldn't get him to tell me what they had talked about. He just kept telling me is wasn't his story to tell. Jacob had needed to get some things off his chest, and he had. If Jacob felt the need to tell me he would.

We had returned to Edward's house, and Alice had grabbed me to go over wedding details again, but I couldn't focus. I told Alice I trusted her and whatever she thought was fine, but she insisted on showing me all the things she had in the works. I kept glancing at Edward. He was so distance, with everyone, not just me. It was as if he was thinking over something that was weighing heavily on his mind. He tried to cover it in front of me, but could tell he was upset about something and it was beginning to scare me.

It had been three days since his discussion with Jacob and as much as he tried to hide it I knew something was wrong. I had called Jacob several times to see if he would tell me what had happened What he had said to Edward to upset him so, but he conveniently was never available.

I hadn't seen Edward like this since except after my 18th birthday, while he was pondering whether to stay or go. I was beginning to panic. While he promised me he would never leave me again, his actions were telling me another story.

On the fifth day after the "talk" I woke up and Edward wasn't there. I looked over at the clock ant it was after 9:00am. The house was silent. I jumped up and ran downstairs. Nothing. I knew Charlie was at work, but since Edward had returned, he was always here when I woke up. I ran back upstairs and looked for a note, several times when he had left during the night,when I was asleep, he would leave a note, in case I woke up. Nothing.

I sat down on my bed and pulled my knees to my chest, trying to fight back the panic rising in my chest. This could not happen again, I could not survive it again. Suddenly my phone rang and I yelped as it frightened me. I grabbed it and saw it was Alice, I answered it shaking, but trying to keep my voice level "Good Morning, Alice" "Bella, relax" she answered "Edward is just hunting with Emmett, he thought he would be back long before you woke, but they got to talking and time got away from them. He is on his way to your house now." I finally let out the breath I had been holding "Thank you Alice, sorry, just a little insecure here." She laughed "It's okay, and understandable, I will see you later."

I shook my head and scolded myself for panicking so completely. Other than being a little, okay a lot, withdrawn, he had given me no reason to believe he was leaving. I needed to stop be so irrational or I was going to drive him away. I went to take a shower so I would be ready when he got here.

I was just finishing up breakfast when I heard him running down the stairs. He had come in through my bedroom window, instead of the front door. I just giggled thinking how predictable he was.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head "Sorry, I wasn't here when you woke up. I didn't think I would be so long. Emmett and I just had a really serious talk and we didn't realize the time, please forgive me." I turned in his arms and kissed is chin, "Of course I forgive you. Alice called and explained, although I have to admit I panicked for a few minutes." He rubbed my back and looked at my face "I'm so sorry I just wasn't think straight."

I started washing up the few dishes and tried to sound nonchalant "Do I get to know what you and Emmett were discussing, or is that a secret too?" It came out a little snarkier than I intended, but it just made him laugh. "I'm sorry Edward, that was totally uncalled for, you don't have to tell me..." before I could finish he was by my side kissing me. "Bella, I am not keeping secrets, honestly, I just believe that what Jacob said to me he told me in confidence, and it is not my place to repeat. You should be able to figure it out, you know how he feels about me, about us.

"It must be pretty bad, because Jacob won't talk to me either. He is avoiding me too." He looked up at me sharply "I am not avoiding you, Bella. I'm sorry I was here this morning.." I stopped him by placing my fingers over his mouth, which he kissed gently, "Edward" I took a deep breath because this was going to be difficult. "I am not talking about this morning, yes I was scared when you weren't here, but I only reacted that way because you have been so withdrawn and distance....since your talk with Jacob. It reminds me of how you were after my birthday last year...." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, but couldn't stop the tears forming in my eyes "so I need to know now...are you thinking of leaving again, is that what you were talking to Emmett about, because if you are I don't think I can take it. If you don't want to be with me, for whatever reason, just tell me, but please don't leave, I need you here, even if you aren't with me.." I had to stop to breath because I was rambling. I glanced up at Edward and he had the most pained looked on his face.

He got up slowly and made his way over to be, be wrapped his arms around me, as I sobbed into his chest. He just rubbed my back for a few minutes and then pulled my face up so I had to look at his face, "My sweet Bella, I told you, I will _**never**_ leave you again. I couldn't leave you. Please believe that. _**You are my life.** _I am nothing without you." He pulled me close and kissed me deeply, holding me as close to his body as he could. I felt so safe and so loved.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, but he just shook his head "No, Bella, don't you ever be sorry for telling me your fears." He pulled back so he could look at me "I want you to always tell me what you are feeling. If you are frightened or unsure of me or anything in your life, please tell me." He kissed me again and sat me on his lap "I don't feel I should tell you everything Jacob and I talked about, because I feel that should be his decision. I should tell you I told him about the night I returned to you" I looked up at him in shock, because I could image Jake's reaction. "He didn't want to believe me and he blames himself for not seeing it, he feels he shouldn't of left you alone. He thought you were getting better." I bit my bottom lip, because I was ashamed of how Edward had found me, ready to swallow a handful of pills, guess fate played her hand in that, because when I really needed Edward he was there. "I don't know if I would have taken the pills"I said softly, "I would like to think that I would of come to my senses before I did something that stupid, but I was just overwhelmed that night." He kisses my tears and said "I am just glad I was there, to stop you, it is almost like I was meant to be there." I smiled at him "Of course that is what I have been telling you all along. We are meant to be together. You are my destiny." He smiled at me.

"Now, just what was this serious conversation you were having with Emmett?" I asked

**A serious convestion with Emmett. I didn't know Emmett could be serious. Hope you like the side of Emmett coming up! He is one of my favorites!**


	12. Chapter 12

**All thing Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just changed them a bit.**

**I love Emmett, I hope this shows another side of him, he is a lot smarter than he is given credit for. Hope you like it.**_  
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EPOV

Emmett had waned to go hunting last night, which we did quite often while Bella was sleeping, I knew we would be back long before she woke, and didn't realize this would be any different. I waited to be sure Bella was into her deep sleep pattern and then ran to meet Emmett, outside of Forks deep in the forest, one of our favorite hunting places, close to home. I refused to go far from Bella, and my family understood. Sometimes they went further, into Canada or down to California, but I never joined them. Near Bella was the only placed I wanted to be.

We had great success early and were walking back when Emmett and I began discussing the wedding and Bella's future transformation.

Jacob's words had been playing on my mind ever since our discussion so I asked Emmett if he thought it would be a mistake to change Bella. He looked at me like I was insane "Hell no, little brother, I am surprise you have been able to hold out as long as you have."

"But what about every thing she will miss out on?" I asked "You know how much it affects Rosalie not to be able to have children, I just feel like I am stealing so much from her. She will be giving up her family, and any future family, it just doesn't seem right." I agonized. Emmett scoffed, "Has Bella ever said anything about children?" "No, but still..." I tried to respond, but he stopped me "Look, I know how Rosalie feels, but she never had a choice. That idiot Royce stole her chance at ever having children, not Carlisle, Carlisle saved her and I am so glad he did" he said waggling his eyebrows. "Bella has a choice, she knows all the things she will be giving up. She loves you and wants to be with you." I just shook my head and kept walking. Emmett grabbed my arm and look me in the eye, "Edward, sit, you and I need to talk" We walk over to where a couple of big boulders were and sat down. He stared at me for the longest time the sigh deeply.

"Edward, look you know me, I just kind of roll with the flow, take life as it happens. Don't try to interfere in anyones life or choices. I guess I am just one of those guys who if I am handed lemons I make lemonade" he smirked. All I could do was roll my eyes, because that was Emmett in a nutshell.

"But I have known you a long, long time" he smiled "and I have seen the difference in you since Bella came into your life. I watched you struggle when you first met her. I watched you change as you fell in love with her. You came to life dude. Before Bella you were just, I don't know, existing. Going through this world, doing what you had to do. Do you know you hardly ever smiled before Bella?" I looked at him and frowned. He continued "I watched you fall apart after you left. That just about killed all of us, when you left, you wouldn't let any of your family in. I saw what it did to Carlisle and Esme. Believe it or not even Rose felt it" I quirked my eyebrows at him "Yes, believe it or not even Rose. I know you two are always at each others throat, but I also know the love that is there. She loves you man, and living with her was difficult while you were gone." I had to laugh at that, because I could imagine what Emmett went through, he also caught the flak from Rosalie when she was angry at someone else. But he just took it because he loved her.

I grinned at Emmett and said "Sorry bro, know that was rough on you" He just brushed it away "Hey, I am use to Rose, like I said I just roll with the punches. And you can just imagine how Alice was. I don't think I have ever seen that little pixie so angry. She loves Bella almost as much as you do, and when you insisted we leave, it tore her up, plus she was dealing with Jasper, who blamed himself, for everything that happened." I grimaced "No one blamed him, it happened because I placed Bella in the situation, no one was to blame but me." He almost yelled at me "Stop!! Edward, it was no ones fault. It happened and the only one who handled it was Bella, until you left." I looked up at him and could see the pain on his face as he looked into my eyes, knowing he saw my pain. " I won't say I understand why you left, I knew what it would do...to both of you. It almost destroyed both of you. But you came to your senses and you came back, and the light is back in the Cullen house again."

He got up and sat next to me, putting his arm around my shoulder "Edward, Bella is your lifeline. She is what you have been waiting for since the day you were born. I know I have a strange way of looking at things, but I believe she is the reason you were destined to be a vampire. You had to stay around on this earth long enough to meet her. Sure look at me like I am crazy, but things always happen for a reason. That is my theory. So don't fight your destiny man. You and Bella were suppose to meet. Bella was meant to be your other half, so stop fighting it. Go with the flow and spend the rest of eternity with your love." then he punched me and laughed. Only Emmett.

I stared at Emmett, then I got up walked over to him and gave him the biggest hug I have ever given him, "Thanks, man. When did you get so smart?" He busted out laughing "I have always been smart, it is just that no one pays attention to me."

We started walking again then Emmett grabbed me by the shoulder and smirked "Dude you are getting married in a few weeks! Then everything will change. You will find out what being in love is really all about." He waggled his eyebrows at me and continued "If you weren't so moralistic you would have been enjoying the carnal gifts already." I stopped dead in my tracks and gawked at him "Emmett" I said softly, "Bella and I can't... we won't... to dangerous..." I took a deep breath "That will not happen until after she has been changed." Emmett was stunned. He started to say something several times, then once again, he pulled me over and sat me down.

"Edward, you are getting married and are going to wait almost half a year to _really_ be married??? What the hell does Bella think of this, I can't believe she is aware of this." I looked down "Bella and I have discussed it. It is to dangerous to.. it is just too dangerous. We have to wait." Emmett stood up and started pacing, he almost looked angry. No scratched that he looked very angry.

He glared at me "You have really lost your mind little brother. There is no way Bella is okay with this. You are getting married, are going to live together...You are going to live together right?" I nodded my head "You are going live together and you are not going to touch her. Damn man, that is just not right. Are you telling me that Bella is okay with this?" I shook my head and sighed "No of course she is not okay with, but she understands, I cannot and will not put her at risk. It is just that simple, Bella's safety comes first."

Emmett just looked at me for the longest time. I finally said "Look we have to get back, Bella will be awake soon." Emmett grabbed my shoulders and said "Oh, no, no,no you are not going anywhere. We need to discuss this because you are not thinking right." I was beginning to get angry "There is nothing to discuss Emmett, I can't risk it." I stomped away.

Next thing I knew I was flat on my back with Emmett sitting on my chest. "That is bullshit and you know it." He shouted at me. I threw him off and stood up "Nothing about keeping Bella safe is bullshit, Emmett." He took me by the shoulders and held me tight "Edward, the bullshit is your scared" I raised my eyebrows at him "Yes Edward, I said you were scared. There is no way, with everything that you and Bella have been through, that you would ever allow yourself to hurt her. Being intimate is the greatest thing in the world, and to experience it the first time with someone you love and who loves you, man that has got to be the ultimate high. It is all right there for you. I have tired to understand that you were raised with certain values, I just thought you weren't having sex, because you felt you had to be married, but damn, you are even putting it off after getting married. That is truly wrong. Not only for you but for Bella. That girl is a saint, to put up with all the crap you throw at her."

I put my face in my hands and just shook my head. "You don't understand Emmett, I don't know how it will work, if I hurt her now..." Emmett busted out laughing and I just looked at him like he had lost it. "Damn Edward, if you don't know how, I will be happy to tell you the basics." I glared at him, "Not funny Emmett, I know _how, _I just don't know if I can control myself in state of heighten...you know."

Emmett smirked "Yeah I know, Edward listen to me..okay. I understand how much you love Bella. I can even understand you wanting to protect her from any and all possibilities of harm. Look at your history. Her blood almost drove you insane. Any other vampire would have killed her on the spot. But not you, no. You fell in love with her, you protected her. You continue to protect her. There is nothing, I will say it again, there is no way in hell you would ever hurt her no matter what the situation, including making love to her. You have more control than any being I have ever encountered, including Carlisle." I shook my head "You give me too much credit Emmett" I said staring at the ground. "Do you want to make love to Bella?" he asked me. I snapped my head up "Of course, I do Emmett. I have to fight every minute I am with her, not to. I just..." He cut me off "Then do it damn it" He shouted "Stop letting fear keep you from your happiness Edward and go with your feelings. You are always over analyzing everything. Just give in to Edward. We all have faith in you. Especially Bella. Let yourself be happy for once." I smiled "Do you really think it is possible?" I asked He laughed and said softly "I know it is, if you just let it."

I stood and started walking, thinking. Emmett looked over at me "Edward, talk to Bella, talk to Carlisle, talk to everyone. They will all tell you the same thing. Love will protect you and Bella. Just have faith man" I nodded my head and all I could say was "Thanks Emmett."

Just about that time my phone rang. Alice screamed at me that she saw Bella freaking out because I wasn't there when she woke up. I started to panic and took off running at full speed. I ran up to her window and saw she wasn't there. I heard her in the kitchen and took off down the stairs wrapping my arms around her waist. "Sorry, I wasn't here when you woke up. I didn't think I would be so long. Emmett and I just had a really serious talk and we didn't realize the time, please forgive me" she turned and kissed me then said "Of course I forgive you. Alice called and explained, although I have to admit I panicked for a few minutes.

She was quiet and then asked if she got to know what Emmett and I discussed or if that was a secret too. Then apologized for snapping at me. I took her in my arms and told her I wasn' t keeping secrets from her. She started rambling about how Jacob wouldn't talk to her either, and then how she thought I was going to leave again because of how I was acting and if I was going to leave please tell her, but not to, if I didn't want her it was okay, just not to leave. I took her in my arms my arms and kissed her. I told her I would never leave her. I did tell her that I had told Jacob about the night I found her about to take pills, but I feel it is Jacob's place to tell her anything else. I finally calmed her down when she asked me about what Emmett and I discussed again.

I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply. "I love you Bella Swan, with every ounce of my being, never forget that. As far as Emmett, we were discussing our marriage, the aftermath and your transformation. He had some questions about the period between the wedding and when you are changed and how we are going to handle it."

She frowned at me "Just what were you discussing?" I grinned at her "Do you know my brother is a very smart man?" She laughed "Emmett, okay this should be good, just what did he tell you." I pulled her tighter and twisted my fingers in her hair. "Well, he told me I was a very lucky man to have you in my life. That you were the best thing to ever happen to me, and you were my destiny. He told me to stop worrying about what I was stealing from you by changing you, that you understood what you were giving up and you wanted me and loved me anyway." She kissed me and smiled "Yes Emmett is a very smart man. Just so you know, I am not giving up anything. I am getting a future with the man I love more than anything. If I could have the things you think you are stealing from me and I couldn't have you, My life would be so empty. Emmett is right, I do know what I am doing. I love you Edward and that is _**all **_that matters. Please understand that." I took her face in my hand and gently kissed her nose. "I do, my sweet Bella, I do."

Bella and I finished cleaning up the kitchen and she went upstairs to get dressed. Alice had demanded our presence at the house. I was thinking over every thing Emmett had said to me and was beginning to believe maybe...just maybe. I must have had a stupid grin on my face, because I felt her arms snake around my waist and she asked

"What are thinking about, giving you such a silly grin on your face?" I kissed her forehead, "Just us and the wedding." I was quiet for a moment then whispered "and after the wedding." She looked at me "After the wedding, what do you mean?" I pulled her to me and sat her on my lap on the couch "Emmett and I talked about a lot today." She nodded her head "Okay, what else did you discuss, you are looking very serious all of a sudden." I ran my hand up and down her back "I know I have been telling you that we should wait until after your transformation to have a real marriage" She grimaced "Edward, I know what you have said, but I..." I kissed her "Ssshh. Emmett told me the same thing you have been saying, that maybe..and I am just saying maybe..we can try." She stared at me in stunned silence.

We sat there for what seemed like hours neither of us moving when suddenly tears started falling down her face. She grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted "Really, Edward, really do you mean it." I started laughed and kissed her face and said "Yes Bella I mean it, we will have to go slow and you will have to promise me if I hurt you even an little, if you can promise me this, we will try." She screamed and started kissing me every where and telling me how much she loved me. She stopped and looked at me "What is it Bella?" I asked, tensing up at her expression. With a very puzzled look on her face she asked "When did Emmett get so smart?" I busted out laughing and said "I don't know, Bella, I really don't know."

**Okay, so who knew Emmett was so smart? I love Emmett! He is so underrated. Let me know what you thinks.**

**Thanks for reading. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just moved them around a little.**

EPOV

I needed to talk to Carlisle. Bella was so excited about us having a "real marriage" I couldn't let her down. I was terrified. I was excited. I wanted this as much as Bella did, but I just figured we wait until she changed. I was so afraid I would hurt her. She was so delicate, and if I lost control for even the briefest of a second...I couldn't think about it. Everyone was telling me how much faith they had in me not to lose control. But there were other things to consider also.

I had explained to Carlisle what Bella wanted, hell, what I wanted. I was prepared to wait, but being honest with myself, I wanted this just as badly as Bella. Bella thought I had such enormous self control, but she does not know how I struggled not to make love to her. How I ached to keep going every time I pulled back. But the fear of hurting her always overrode my desire for her body.

Carlisle asked me how far we had gone as a couple. I knew what he was asking, so I explained all we had done was kiss, and I pulled back when I felt the passion build.

He was amazed. He kept telling me I had more self control, not only of any vampire he had ever known, but possibly any human he had ever known.

Carlisle suggested that we work our way up to the wedding night. He explained that we should be like normal teenagers. Push our limits a little each night, go just a little farther. This way we would not be so overwhelmed on our wedding night.

"Do you think this would be something Bella would be opened to?" he asked. I almost burst out laughing, "Are you kidding? Bella will be thrilled. She would have had us consummate our relationship ages ago. I don't think she will have a problem at all." Carlisle placed his hand on my should, "You are a lucky man, my son, you have waited along time for love, and I do believe you have found as close to a perfect love as is possible. Don't worry so much, just let it happen, everything will fall in place. Enjoy yourself. That is what living is all about. You have gone so long without happiness. You and Bella deserve it more that you know." I smiled "Thanks, Carlisle.

Carlisle and I discussed the wedding, the arrangements for our honeymoon, we decided to wait until after we returned to start the planning of Bella's transformation. We had about five months, maybe longer, when Bella learned of Jacob's wedding plans, I knew she would not miss that.

I insisted that Bella be involved with each step of the process. I wanted her to know exactly what would happen, and I suppose, deep down inside, I was hoping she would change her mind.

As close as Carlisle and I were, there was still something I needed to discuss with him that was embarrassing and I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

We discussed everything under the sun, and he knew me so well that he sensed there was something I was wrestling with. He finally looked at me and said "What is it son?" I raised my eyebrows at him in surprise. He chuckled, " Edward, I know there is something bothering you, please, if I can help, tell me."

I stood up and paced the study looking down at the floor, not sure how to raise the subject. Carlisle sat as his desk, always so patient, he knew I would say it in due time. "It's about the wedding night" I was finally able to say "I am wondering if..." I just wasn't sure how to word it "I don't want to hurt Bella in anyway and I am wondering if the...I mean...I know all we have in our system is venom..and.." I stuttered like a fool. Carlisle nodded his head "I think I know what you are asking, Edward" I muttered "Thank Good" because I really didn't want to say it.

"While it is true we have venom running through our vascular system, and there is some mixed in with our semen, I have studied it thoroughly, and the amount of venom is minimal. I do not believe it will harm Bella in anyway. Plus contrary to the myths about vampires, we cannot procreate with humans because the cellular make up is too different. But, son, if you are worried you can always use condoms, until Bella's transformation is complete"Carlisle explained.

I looked at him with such gratitude. No one had any idea how difficult this was for me. Even though I was almost 108 years old, this was not something I felt comfortable discussing. I took a deep breath Thank you Carlisle, you have no idea how much better I feel. This has been such a difficult decision for me, but it is something that Bella wants, and I can't deny her anything." I smiled

"Just relax" Carlisle answered "Everything will work out Edward. Just trust yourself. Bella does."

BPOV

The wedding was only five days away, and I was beginning to get nervous. Alice had promised to keep it small, but Alice's definition of _small and intimate, _was in all probability not the same as mine. I had turned the reigns over to her. All I had to do was show up, and that worked just fine with me.

I had been on cloud nine ever since Edward had agreed that we could have a "real marriage" as soon as we got married, instead of waiting until next year, after I had been changed. I had practically attacked Edward that night, I was_ so_ ready to have a physical relationship with Edward, I had been ready after our first trip to the meadow. I had been ready to give up on that dream. I was walking three feet off the ground.

I still hadn't talked to Jacob since his "talk" with Edward, and I didn't like it. Every time I called he was busy or asleep or something. Bottom line, he was avoiding me. I still had no idea what he had said to Edward, but he must have figured Edward had told me, that is why he was avoiding me.

Edward had left early this morning to speak with Carlisle he told me he would be gone most of the day. I had cleaned up and honestly, was a little bored. I was so used to Edward being around, I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided I would go to LaPush and talk to Jacob, one way or the other he was going to talk to me. I called Edward's cell phone and it went to voice mail. I left him a message about what I was going to do and was a little glad he didn't answer, because I knew he wouldn't be happy, he would not tell me not to go, but he would be upset.

I drove to LaPush, trying to keep my nerves intact. I decided I was not going to leave until I spoke with Jacob. I could be as stubborn as he was. I knocked on Jacob's door and Cheyenne answered, "Is Jacob around" I asked. She seemed nervous, and I was pretty sure if Cheyanne was here, then Jake was too. She told me he was out with Sam. I looked at Cheyanne and smiled "Okay, thanks" I walked back to my truck, which I had parked so I could see the Black house. I can wait as long as you can Jacob, I thought to myself. I settled down for the long haul.

I had been sitting in my truck for about 20 minutes. I kept seeing the curtains in the house move, but couldn't tell who was looking out. I had a gut feeling Jacob was in the house. If he was, he knew I hadn't left, because he hadn't heard the truck start. About that time I saw Cheyanne come out the door and make her way to the truck. She looked at me sadly "Bella, sorry but I don't think Jake will be back anytime soon." I smiled "That's okay, I don't have any plans for today, I'll wait." She shifted back and forth, looking at me and looking back at the house nervously. "He's in there isn't he?" I asked softly. Her eyes got big, but she didn't say a word, just looked at the ground. "It's okay Cheyanne, I know he's avoiding me, but it's not going to work. Just tell him I intend to wait until he comes out and talks to me." I crossed my arms on my chest and settled back. Cheyanne grinned at me and started back to the house. I heard voices coming from the house, but couldn't quite make out who it was.

Amazingly enough, it wasn't five minutes when Jacob came walking out the front door. I got out of the truck and leaned against it. I was pissed. He had been avoiding me.

"Hey, Bells" he said meekly. I just looked at him "Jacob" I said through gritted teeth. "any reason in particular you've been avoiding me?" He just looked at the ground. He waited, like he was thinking over his answer, "Don't know what you mean." he said. "Really" I shouted "I have only called you about 100 times, been out here twice, and you are never around or unable to call me back. Just now, you were in the house the whole time, making your girlfriend lie for you. What's the deal, Jacob? I thought you were over this crap. You said you would come to my wedding, or were you just lying to me?" His eyes shot up "I said I would be there and I will be."

I just stared at him. I asked him again "Why are you avoiding me? Talk to me Jacob, please" I looked at him and asked softly "Is it because I want to be with Edward? Forever?" Jacob walked over to the other side of the truck before he answered "You have made you decision, Bella, it really doesn't matter what I think or want." He bent down to pick up stones, never once looking at me. I sighed "Will you at least till me what you said to Edward? It really upset him." Jacob glanced up at me in surprise "The bloodsu....Edward didn't tell you?" he asked "No, he said it wasn't his story to tell, that is was just some things you felt you had to say to him. Is that all it was?" I answered.

He laughed "What don't you believe him?" Anger soared through me "Of course I believe him" I said as I walked over to Jacob, grabbing him by the arm and trying to make him look at me, "but he was upset or hurt or something.. and I want to know what you said to him."

Jacob glared at me "sure you want to know?" he asked. I nodded. He stood up and looked me right in the eyes "I told him I loved you, that at one time I thought I was in love with you...until Cheyanne. I told him how much he was stealing from you, children, your family, your future. If it upset him I guess it is because he knows it's the truth" he shouted. I glared at him, "How dare you Jacob" I shouted right back, "he is not stealing anything from me, he is giving me an eternity of happiness and love. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Yes, I could stay human, and he would stay with me. If I wanted children, I am sure he would find a way for it to happen, even if it caused him pain. But eventually, I would die, and that would hurt him. Why can't you see this is the best thing for Edward and for me. This is what _I _want. I get to spend forever with the man I love. Where is the down side?" He looked at me like I was insane. He got right in my face and shouted "YOU WON'T BE HUMAN, YOU WON'T BE AN ANIMAL, IT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU WON'T BE ALIVE" he back away.

Neither of us said anything for awhile. I knew he was hurting. We both sat on the ground, looking out at he water.

All of a sudden he asked very softly, "Were you really going to kill yourself?" I glanced over at him and saw the pain in his eyes. "Maybe..I don't know...I was in so much pain, I just wanted it to end. I was hurting, I was mad, everything had been so crazy that week, with Victoria and Harry....I honestly don't know if I would of gone through with it Jacob. At the moment I walked into the bathroom and grabbed those pills, yes, I was going to do it. I hope I would of come to my senses and stopped myself, but I don't know. Thank God Edward chose that time to come back." I gave him a half hearted grin.

He looked at me and I saw the tears in his eyes "I thought you were getting better... I thought I helped." he said with such pain, it was breaking my heart. I moved over to him and put my head on his shoulder "Oh, Jacob, you did help. So much. I would of never come out of that catatonic state I was in without you." He put his arm around me and whispered "I still wish he had never come back" I sighed "Think about it Jake, suppose I had gotten over him leaving and you and I had become what you wanted us to be." I looked at him "what would have happened to me when you met Cheyanne? That is just as strong as what Edward and I have. Then I would have been shattered all over again. Could you have lived with that?. The guilt you would of felt? You know you would not have been able to fight it, you have seen what it has done to Sam and Leah."

He stood up and walked down to the waters edge. After I moment I followed him and put my arms around his waist. "I love you Jacob, and I know you love me. Look at me please." I begged him. He looked down at me "You know how you feel about Cheyanne?" I asked, he nodded "That is how I feel about Edward. I can't live without him, please try to understand." I implored him.

He pulled me into his chest and kissed my head. "I do know he loves you. I can see it in his eyes. I don't like it, but I guess I understand it." he pulled back and looked at me with tears in his eyes "Bella, please just be happy, okay?" I hugged him back as hard as I could "I am, Jacob, I am" was all I could say.

We talked for a while longer and he walked me back to my truck. I kissed his cheek and said "Well, I guess I will see you on Saturday." He smiled at me "Yes the big day. Bella, the center of attention. I bet you can hardly wait." I groaned "I can hardly wait, but not for that reason" I climb in the truck and turned to say goodbye, when he stopped me "Um Bells," he mumbled, "Yeah" I answered frowning at his sudden change of tone. "It not public knowledge yet, but I want you to know. I 'm getting married too." I squealed and jumped out of the truck to hug him "Oh Jacob, that is wonderful, when." He laughed, "New Year's Eve. We want to start the New Year out right. You will be there right?" he looked now then said softly "as yourself"

I was stunned. New Year's Eve was the day I had chosen to begin my transformation. I had to be at Jake's wedding. Jacob was staring at me. "Yes....of course, Jacob, I will be there as you know me. I am so happy for you. See we both get our happy ever after." I hugged him tight. Climbed in my truck and started my way home. To tell Edward we would have to delay my change for at least a day.

**A/N This chapter is kind of short, but had to resolve the Jacob situation. Let me know what you think. Up next, The Wedding!! The the Honeymoon, and I don't write "fade to black"**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just rearranged the story a little.**

**This chapter is full of lemony smut. Just like there is between two people in love. Hope you enjoy it.**

BPOV

Edward was waiting for me in my room when I returned from Jacob's. I tensed a bit when I entered my room. I knew he wouldn't be happy about me going to LaPush. He was standing by my window, looking out, with his back to me, so I couldn't judge his mood.

He turned around when I closed the door. He looked and me and gave me his beautiful crooked smile, that he knew I couldn't resist. I relaxed, knowing now he wasn't too angry.

"How did it go with Jacob?" he asked as he circled my waist with his arms I reached up and kissed his chin, "Good, it took awhile to get him to talk to me, but he finally did. He thought you would of told me what he said to you, so apparently he was a little nervous about seeing me, but I think we have every thing straightened out."

I frowned up at Edward,"He had no right to say those things to you, but I do understand why you were so upset and distance. Even though it was stupid to worry about those things." I reached up and palmed his cheek so he would look at me, "Edward, please believe me when I say you are not _stealing_ any thing away from me. All I want and need is you. As long as I have that, I have everything."

He smiled at me and pulled me close."I'm trying Bella" I smiled up at him as he pulled me close and kissed me. He pulled me tight to his chest as he continued kissing me. He slowly pulled his lips back, but didn't release me, instead he kissed my chin and continued down my neck, gently pulling my earlobe in between his lips. He nuzzled my neck and showed no sign of stopping, which was unusual for Edward.

"Um..Edward...don't think I 'm complaining, but what are you doing?" I asked. I felt him grin against my neck. "Kissing your neck" he answered as he continued working his was down my neck, to my shoulders and collarbone. I felt my breath hitch for just a moment. This was definitely not Edward's usual method. Usually a few deep kisses, maybe a few kisses on my neck and he pulled away, leaving me extremely frustrated.

He walked back towards the bed, never releasing me. I was getting caught up in the fire rushing through my system, afraid to say anything, afraid he would stop. Still kissing my shoulder, he sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my forehead then leaned his head against mine. "I love you, Bella" he whispered. I looked into his eyes and saw so much love there, it took my breath away, "I love you, too Edward....what's wrong?" I asked suddenly very nervous. He laughed, "I tell you I love you and you think there is something wrong?" he asked pulling back so he could look at me. I nodded, "You just aren't usually this intense in your kisses and...not since..." I couldn't continue. He pulled me to him so my head rested on his chest, "Since right before I left you" he said softly, all I could do was nod my head

He sighed, then sat me up and place his finger under my chin so I would have to look at him. He just stared into my eyes for the longest time, but there was no sadness in his eyes, like there had been before he left, he wasn't upset about anything, he looked....happy. I frowned and he laughed. "Am I confusing you," he asked. I nodded my head as I asked "Did something happen today, did I miss something?"

He spun around and sat me on the bed so I was resting against the headboard, he sat next to me. "Carlisle and I had a very long and interesting talk about our wedding night" I winced, it just seemed to me that this was something extremely personal to be discussing with his father figure, but I refrained from saying anything, because if Carlisle could help ease some of Edward's apprehension, I was all for it.

Edward kissed my nose and continued "He realizes how afraid I am of hurting you, of not being able to control my inner monster." I started to protest, but he stopped me. "Carlisle had a few suggestions" he said with a smirk on his face. I was so strange to see Edward so relaxed and carefree when discussing our intimacy, that I giggled and asked "Okay what did he suggest?" Edward bent down and kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my chin and finally my lips. He pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes "He suggest we practice." I felt my eyes get huge as Edward let out a laugh "he feels, if we work our way up to our wedding night, push things a little, just so I have and idea what my limitations are, and build on them, our wedding night will be a piece of cake....or at least easier."

I felt my face crack into the biggest grin ever as Edward started laughing "Carlisle asked me if I thought you would have a problem with it, and I assured him, you would be thrilled. I am glad to see I was right." I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, "I think that is a wonderful idea and you should listen to your father." I pulled myself up into his lap and started kissing his neck "so can we start tonight?" I asked as I kissed his jaw line.

He laughed, "Easy, Bella won't Charlie be home soon?" I frowned looking over at the clock realizing I would have to start dinner soon. I pushed my bottom lip out in a slight pout and he laughed again, but reached down and kissed it gently. "I will be here after Charlie is asleep. Carlisle suggested we just be like "normal teenagers" and let nature take it's course. He has faith in my control, as I know you do, but there must be a few rules" he narrowed his eyes at me, and I nodded "YOU must be quiet, we don't want to wake up Charlie, and when I pull away, you must be able to stop. I know it will be hard with you hormones," he smirked "but I need to test my limits and I _will not _put you at risk, so if I feel I must stop, you must honor that" he looked at me very seriously, "do you think you can do that?" I had not stop smiling since he started talking and I am sure I looked like a total idiot, but if this is what Edward needed, I would agree to anything. I threw my arms around him and said "Yes, yes, yes, whatever you say, oh Edward I love you so much and remind to call Carlisle and thank him. Even though" I frowned at him "I have been telling you this all along. That you have amazing self control and that you would not allow yourself to hurt me. Now I know the secret. If I want something from you and you say no, I just have to go to Carlisle and get him to tell you." He laughed and kissed me deeply.

"Your Dad will be here soon, and I want to go hunt. I will be back as soon as Charlie is asleep. Can you survive a few hours without me?" he asked with a grin on his face. I smacked him and said "Oh, I don't know, you have gotten me a little worked up, just thinking about later." I answered sarcastically. I kissed him and told him to go "Just don't be late. I would hate to start without you." I smirked. He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Bella you never cease to amaze me." he pulled me tight and kissed me gently, "I will be back before you miss me" he said as he leaped to the window, I shouted after him "Too late, I already do."

I shook my head as I giggled to myself, why he didn't use the front door when Charlie wasn't home was beyond me. I guess he felt he could get where he was going quicker through the window.

I went downstairs to start dinner. I had all these crazy feeling going through my mind and through my body. The anticipation was unbelievable. I couldn't believe after all this time Edward was finally agreeing to let us move forward physically. I knew him well enough to know we would not consummate our love until our wedding night. He was just too damn moralistic to take my "virtue" until I was officially a married women, but oh, the next four nights could be very interesting.

I was restless and nervous all through dinner even to the point that Charlie commented on it. I just explained in away as nerves about the upcoming wedding. Afraid I was going to forget something.

Of course Charlie had to once again question whether or not I was having second thoughts. I glared at him, "Dad, I am not having second thoughts about marrying Edward. I just hate the idea of being in front of all those people. Maybe we should just elope." He burst out laughing "I don't know who would hunt you down and kill you first, your Mother or Alice." I laughed with him, because he was right. Alice would kill us and strange as it seemed Renee was really caught up in all the wedding plans, even though she had only been able to contribute over the phone. She was in daily contact with either Alice or Esme, discussing every little detail. Renee and Phil weren't going to arrive until day after tomorrow, but she called two or three times a day just to check on things.

I swear everyone knows more about what is going to happen on my wedding day, than I did, but that was okay with me.

I cleaned up after dinner, doing everything to kill time. I knew I had at least two more hours before Charlie would go to bed and Edward would return.

I was nervous, even though this was what I wanted. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and I guess it was just fear of the unknown. I knew how badly I wanted Edward, but I also knew how afraid he was of hurting me, which is why he had held back for so long.

I went upstairs and took a long hot bath. I shaved my legs and underarms, making sure I was as smooth as possible. I blew my hair dry and straightened it. I applied just a minute bit of mascara, just to accent my eyes. Instead of putting on my usual sweats and tee shirt that I normally slept in I put on a pair of silk boy shorts and my bathrobe. I wanted to make things as easy as possible for Edward.

I heard Charlie coming up the steps just as I closed my bedroom door. I looked over at the window, but no sign of Edward yet. I knew he would be here soon, it didn't take Charlie long to fall asleep.

My heart was pounding when Edward came through the window. I was relaxing against the headboard and glanced up at him smiling. I am sure my face was several shades of red, just thinking about what was going to happen. I scolded myself, _Calm down Bella, you are not helping the situation, you need to remain calm so he will remain calm._ I looked at Edward and noticed how light his eyes were, letting me know he had hunted, to be sure he was in as much control as possible. I smiled at him as he walked to my bed. He smiled back at me, "You look exceptionally beautiful tonight, Bella" he whispered as he bent down to kiss me. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, deepening the kiss. He snickered as he slid down into the bed lying next to me. "Thank you" I whispered when I released his lips.

He took his beautiful long fingers and traced my cheekbone, letting it fall to my shoulder and around to the back of my neck as he pulled me closer. I slid down until I was flat on my back, he was still sitting beside me. He leaned down and kissed me gently, bringing his hand around my neck and down my shoulders, sliding my robe back until my shoulder was exposed.

He broke away from my lips and started kissing my jawline, working his way down to my neck and shoulders. He took his other hand and gentled pulled on the belt of my robe until it was loosened. He kissed back up to my mouth and kissed me deeply as I felt his hand push my robe off my shoulders. I felt his cold hand as they lightly lay on top of my shoulders as if he was unsure what to do next.

I reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it back, he lowered his arms so I could remove it. I felt his hand twist in my hair as he pulled me closer, He began to kiss down my neck again, and slowly lowered my robe. He arms curled around me and he brought me tight to his chest. I gasped as I felt my nipples press against his cold chest. He looked down into my eyes, his eyes hooded and dark with lust. "Tell me if anything is the least bit uncomfortable" I nodded not sure if I trusted my voice. He narrowed his eyes "Promise me Bella" I looked into his eyes so he would know I spoke the truth "I promise" I declared to him.

He pushed me back just a bit and looked down at my exposed chest and I heard him inhale, he looked up into my eyes and declared "You are so beautiful, Bella, I love you so much." His lips slammed back into mind as his fingers inched their way down my chest. He gently palmed my breast and slowly allowed his finger to circle my nipples, I gasped slighted, because the feeling was amazing. Edward pulled back and looked at me worriedly, I shook my head and buried my face in his neck and begged, "please don't stop" I began to kiss his neck. He seemed frozen for just a moment, but then kissed the top of my head and slowly caught my nipple between his fingers just briefly before cupping my breast in his hand. I heard him moan deep in his throat and I felt the wetness between my legs.

He very slowly kissed down my neck, licking my collarbone, before very cautiously kissing his way down to my breast. He stopped momentarily before placing soft kisses across my nipples. His tongue flashed out quickly and stroked across my nipples. I thrust my chest into his mouth. I had never felt anything so amazing. I tried not to move to fast, so as not to startled him or cause him to lose control. I felt his freeze, just for a moment, before he moved over the the other breast. He slowly kissed his way back up to my neck, holding me tightly. He kissed me deeply, before pulling me tight to his chest. "Bella, we need to stop." I started to protest, but he looked into my eyes and I could see the struggle he was having. I nodded and tried to stifle a groan, as I didn't want to upset him. I gently pulled back and pulled my robe closed.

He took my face in his hand and looked deeply in my eyes. "That was the most beautiful experience of my existence, but I felt myself losing control and that cannot happen. We will do more tomorrow, but I need to ease my way into this." I could see the sorrow in his eyes and he begged me "Please understand" I pulled myself up onto my knees so I could look into his eyes and I whispered "Thank you, Edward. I know how difficult this is for you. I love you so much. You just gave me more of yourself that I even expected, I will give you all the time you need" I smiled at him and kissed his chin "After all we have eternity." I smirked, trying to lessen the tension. He kissed me and sat back, "I think it is time you got some sleep" I laughed and looked at him "Do you really think I can sleep after that?" He raised his eyebrows at me, but he had such a satisfied look on his face. "You liked that huh" he smirked. I giggle and nodded my head"You have no idea"

He turned so he was resting against the headboard of the bed, watching me as I gathered my pajamas. I started toward the door so I could change in the bathroom as I usually did, but then I stopped. I turned around and he frowned. I just smiled, turned my back to him. There was no sense in pushing him past his limits but I saw no reason to leave the room after what just happened. I slid my robe off and stepped into my sweats and pulled my tee shirt over my head. When I turned around he was looking at me with his mouth hanging open. "What" I asked "You just saw more than that. You need to get use to seeing my body." He smiled widely and pulled me on top of him "You, Bella Swan, are going to be the death of me." I laughed "You are indestructible" I giggle. He kissed my forehead and said "I might of believed that, before I met you, now I'm not too sure."

He pulled me down and tucked the covers around me. He laid on top of me, resting most of his weight on his elbows. He smiled down at me "I never thought I would ever experience physical love, Bella. I definitely never thought you and I could experience it together, but I am beginning to believe it is possible." I took a deep breath and smiled brightly. He kissed me, pulled me close to his chest and started humming my lullaby, and while I was sure I would never sleep, I was gone in moments. I dreamed nothing but happy dreams of Edward.

EPOV

I lay next to her watching her sleep. I never tired of it. My family had on occasion questioned my sanity on the joy I got just from watching her sleep. They just didn't understand. Her facial expressions were amazing. She smiled in her sleep. She frowned. But mostly, she muttered my name. It was always with such love, I knew she was dreaming of me and that brought me such happiness.

This was the last night I would spend with her in her bedroom. In less than 24 hours she would become my wife. I couldn't wait. To never be separated from her again. We couldn't spend tomorrow night together, because Alice had some outdated idea that it was bad luck. Even though Bella and I had both complained that it was just an old fashion wives tale. Alice had insisted. Sometimes you just couldn't fight Alice.

Emmett and Jasper had decided I needed a "bachelor party" to, as Emmett put it "celebrate my last night as a single man." I had looked at him like he has lost his mind. I could not wait to be a married man. I hated being single. I never thought it was possible that I would have a mate, much less a wife.

Now I was about to marry the most incredible woman in the world. My Bella. Every dream I had ever had she was making come true.

As I watched her sleep, I thought about how I had almost thrown it away. Why did I ever think I could live without her? I was so superior in my thoughts, that she was better off without me, hell, I still thought that, but I was so wrong. I almost destroyed us both. The night I left her alone in the woods behind this very house, I was so sure I was doing the right thing for her. I didn't deserve her. She deserved so much better. Someone who could keep her safe, hold her hand, love her body without the fear of killing her, someone to give her children. I had hurt her deeply and also my family, who had come to love her as I had.

I had stayed away. I fought everyday with myself. It came to a point I had to know if she was okay. All I intended to do was check on her. Make sure she had moved on. She was such a mess when I first saw her. I had arrived just as the wolves were killing Victoria. It took everything in my power not to join, them as they tore her apart, since I knew from their thoughts that she had come from Bella. But I knew if I showed my self, they would have tried to kill me. I couldn't let that happen until I checked on Bella. Afterwards, it wouldn't have mattered. My life was over as far as I was concerned. I had no life without Bella. Then I learned of Harry Clearwater's death. He had been one of Charlie's closest friends.

When I saw how upset Bella was I assumed it was from all the turmoil going on around her. I decided to stay a few days and make sure she was okay. I would stay hidden from her, only climbing into her room when I knew she was deep into her sleep cycle.

As the days went on she still didn't seem herself and I couldn't bring myself to leave. Then the night she almost caught me in her room. The night she came back to the place behind her house where I had left her. The night she was going to kill herself. I knew I had to stop her. That was the night that changed me forever. When I learned that she had never stopped loving me, that she was as empty inside as I was, I knew then that I was here forever. Even if she wouldn't forgive me and take me back. I would always be nearby. I needed her to survive. She was my life.

Bella moaned in her sleep and whispered my name, pulling me out of my memories. I smiled down at her sleeping form, wondering if she was dreaming about our last few nights. Oh they had been amazing. I never knew physical love could be so fulfilling. We hadn't even made love completely yet. That was for our wedding night, but we had come as close as possible. I found after a few starts and stops that it just might be possible.

The first night was amazing. I took Carlisle's advice, I really should listen to him more often. He was usually right. I smiled to myself thinking back over the last few night.

I am not going to lie. I was terrified. My biggest fear was harming Bella. I would never forgive myself if I ever cause her even a second of pain again. I had caused her enough. Plus if she had her way she had more pain coming her way....because of me. I tried not to think of her transformation and the pain she would go through....again because of me.

The smile on her face and the light in her eyes when I told her about Carlisle's suggestion gave me the courage I needed to move ahead. When I arrived back in her bedroom, after hunting to make sure her scent didn't overwhelm me. There she was waiting for me in just her robe. She looked as nervous as I felt. She was so beautiful, sitting there looking at me with such love in her eyes. I wanted her. She didn't believe that, but she had no idea how much restraint it took for me to keep from ravishing her.

I traced her cheekbone down to her neck and finally to her shoulders. I kissed her deeply and pulling her close. I slid her robe off her shoulders and kissed down her neck to her collarbone. She began unbuttoning my shirt, and I lowered my arms so she could slip in off. I swallowed hard and untied her robe. I pushed her robe back just slightly off her shoulders. I took a deep breath and looked down at her. She had to be the most beautiful woman in the world; and she wanted me. I don't know what I had done in my time to deserve her, but I was so thankful that I did.

I trailed my fingers down her chest, cupping her breast in my palm. It felt so amazing, I traced her nipple with my fingers. She gasped and I froze, pulling back to glance at her to be sure she was alright. She looked at me before burying her face in my neck, "please don't stop." I kissed the top of her head, and stroked her perfect breast. I kissed down her chest and briefly allowed my tongue to taste her nipple. I smelled her arousal. Combined with her scent, I felt the venom pool in my mouth. I swallowed hard and kissed her other breast again, tasting it briefly with my tongue. I knew then I had to stop. I was under control, but just barely. The smell of her arousal was making difficult to stop the monster within me.

I had believed she would be upset when I told her we had to stop. But she smiled at me, and nodded her head Her eyes were sad, but she didn't push it.

Then she did the most amazing thing. She _thanked me. _ She would never crease to amaze me, she understood me, better than I understood myself. I watched her as gathered her night clothes and head to the bathroom. Suddenly she stopped, turned toward me a grinned. She turned her back to me and dropped her robe. I almost lost it in that moment. I wanted her at that moment more than any man had ever wanted a woman. All I could do was stare at her naked back. She pulled on her sweat pants and tee shirt on a turned to smile at me. My mouth was sitting on my lap and I snapped it shut. She smiled at me and asked me why I was shocked, I had just seen more of her body than I had seen as she was dressing. This girl would be the death of me. I laughed softly to myself, so I wouldn't wake her.

Then the next night. My life just kept getting better and better. I could not wait for our wedding night. I was beginning to believe this would be possible. I would get to make love to my Bella.

We had picked up where we left off the night before. I removed my shirt before crawling in bed next to her. I untie her robe belt and slid it down her back, removing it completely. Something I hadn't done before. I stared at her chest, for what seemed like hours. I couldn't help it. She was incredible. I glanced at her face and saw her blush. I kissed her deeply as she slid down so she was completely flat on her back. I paid more attention to her breast, moving from one to another, not waiting one to feel slighted. I allowed my hand to trail down her stomach, stopping at the waist of her panties.

I stopped; looking up at her. Her eyes were nothing but slits, the lust raging in her deep chocolate pools. I very carefully slip my hand down to her mound. She gasped and moaned into my chest. I could tell she was trying not to move, so as not to push my self control. I was still feeling fairly comfortable. The burning in my throat and the venom in my mouth, was no worse that normal. Certainly better than the first night, since I had an idea what to expect.

She kissed my chest, running her tongue over my nipples. Never, in my entire time walking on this earth, either human or not, had I ever felt anything so incredible. She spread her legs, slowly to allow me better access. I move my hand slowly, up to the waist of her panties. I glanced at her to make sure we was okay. Her eyes were closed, and her breath was coming in slow pants. I took a deep breath and held it. I then allowed myself to reach my fingers into her panties. I felt her squirm and she spread her legs even more. I slowly move my fingers down until I felt her soft downy covered mound. I allowed my finger to slid down her slit and she was so wet, I almost had to stop. But instead I let my hand rest for a few moments.

After just a few moments I moved my fingers slowly through her slit, until I met her bundle of nerves. She moaned softly and buck her hips against my hand. I traced her clit up and down and heard her whimper. I kept rubbing slowly but deliberately, watching her facial expressions and listening to her tiny moans. I slid one of my fingers into her, continuing to rub her with my thumb. Her hips began to buck in unison with my fingers, moving her head from side to side. I began to feel her tighten around my finger, so I increased my movements. I felt her start to moan and crashed my lips to hers to keep her from shouting out loud and awaking Charlie. She tightened around my fingers as her whole body started to shake. She threw her head back and quietly moaned out my name. All I heard was "Oh, Edward" I grinned as she collapsed and I kissed her gently.

I slowly moved my fingers out of her and up her stomach and she groaned as they left her. She kissed me and looked at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. She was happy. She was satisfied. Because of me. I felt like a man for the first time.

I reached up to brush hair out of her face and her arousal hit me hard. Next thing I knew I was across the room from her. She looked at me stunned, "Edward...you okay..did I do something...?" I raised my hand to stop her. "You did nothing wrong, Bella, there is just something I want to do and I am not sure how it will affect my control." I watched her face. She frowned at me, but it was replaced by shock as I slid my fingers into my mouth. I needed to taste her and I needed to be away from her when I did. She tasted amazing. Almost as good as her blood, which I had tasted when she was attacked by James, who had been intent on killing her.

I kept my eyes on hers as I licked my fingers clean. Then I walked slowly to the bed and kissed her. She started to get up, but I stopped her. "Would you mind, much, sleeping like this?" I asked her quietly. She smiled at me and shook her head, while she scooted under the covers. I tucked them around her and laid next to her. "I love you, Bella" I breathed in her ear, but I could tell by her breathing, she was already asleep, exhausted from her orgasm. Exhausted because of me. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to wipe the smile off my face.

BPOV

I rolled over to look at the clock and groaned. It was only eight in the morning. "Oh" I gasped as I sat up. "Today was my wedding day." I thought. I looked around my bedroom, forgetting momentarily that Edward wouldn't be here. Alice had some prehistoric notion, that the bride and groom couldn't see each the day of the wedding. Ridiculous, I thought.

I stretched and moaned. Edward had been here almost every morning, since his return. It just seemed so empty without him. Then I smiled. I would never have to wake up without him again. I rolled over on my side and tried to go back to sleep. The wedding wasn't until seven tonight and I had strict orders to be at the Cullen house by noon, so Alice could try to make me beautiful for my wedding. I knew this was going to be a very long day, so if I could sleep most of it away, all the better.

I thought back to the last few nights and couldn't keep the smile off my face. Edward and I had pushed our limits as far as possible, it had been heaven. But tonight....oh tonight. I threw the covers off, I knew there would be no more sleeping for me today. Between the nervousness of the wedding and the adrenaline from thinking about the previous nights, I knew I was done.

I threw on my sweats and tee shirt, remembering how Edward has asked me to sleep naked. I walked slowly down to the kitchen, to make coffee. I was surprised to see Charlie up already. I had figured he would sleep in or go fishing early, since he had the whole day off. "Hey Dad, what are you doing up so early?" I asked He had already made coffee,so I poured myself a cup and sat down next to him. He looked up at me, with a mixture of sadness and hope in his eyes, "I couldn't sleep" he shrugged. I laughed "Yeah, me either."

I stood up, and look in the fridge, "You want some breakfast? Could be the last one I fix for you in awhile." I grinned at him. "You shouldn't have to cook today, Bells, it's you wedding day." I rolled my eyes at him "I want to. I need to keep busy. I don't have to be at the Cullen's until noon, and I will be a nervous wreck if I don't keep busy." I smiled at him "How bout one last huge breakfast? Pancakes, bacon, eggs" I asked raising my eyebrows at him. He laughed "Sure, sounds good, what can I do to help?" he asked, starting to get up. "You can just sit there and read the paper, lets make this like any normal Saturday morning." He nodded and went back to reading the paper.

We ate breakfast in relative silence. Neither of us really knew what to say. I knew Dad still wasn't too happy about Edward. He was trying, but he found it harder to forgive him for leaving me than I did. He didn't understand. We couldn't tell him the real reason why Edward had left. As far as he knew, Edward's family had moved, and Edward had just ignored me.

The one time he had insisted on a more detailed explanation, Edward had once again amazed me, by telling Charlie it had just been too hard for him to keep in touch. That he had missed me so much, and was in such pain, he thought it was better to just break all contact. He even apologized to Charlie, and me, even though it was unnecessary, for the pain he caused, and how he realized how wrong it had been. Charlie had just stared at him, grunted and went in to watch television.

I cleaned up the kitchen, running the memories of the last few months, since Edward's return, through my mind. I remembered being unsure if I could forgive him for leaving, for hurting me so deeply. But of course that didn't last long. I loved him. I needed him. I had felt so empty and broken while he was gone. There had been a hole in my chest, where my heart had been the entire time he was gone. The moment he touched me again, the hole was gone. That is when I knew he had taken my heart with him. He owned it completely. I would never be whole without. He said it was the same for him. We were soul mates, even if he doubted he had a soul, I knew the truth.

I had finished my shower and was dressing, per Alice's instructions, button up blouse,so I wouldn't mess up my hair when she was done. I pulled on my most comfortable pair of jeans and was reaching for my shoes when I heard my phone chirp.

I looked at the called ID and smiled. "Hello, husband to be, how are you this morning?" I heard Edward laugh "Good morning, I am wonderful, I just wish we had planned this for a little earlier in the day. I miss you." I smiled.

I knew Alice had insisted on the wedding being in the evening, because she was sure the sun would shine that day, and it would be twilight after the ceremony and the reception could be held outside, without fear of the Cullen's sparkling.

"I miss you too. Hey, does Alice know you are calling? You sure that isn't against the rules?" I asked. He grunted, "There is no rule against the bride and groom speaking to each other. We just can't see each other, which I think is just stupid." I heard a shriek in the background as Alice yelled, "Edward Cullen, don't you even think about sneaking over to Bella's! I will have Emmett physically restrain you." I laughed out loud and told Edward "I don't think you want to upset her today. I want you in one piece tonight." I heard him sigh. "She is leaving to come pick you up in just a few minutes, she has ordered Jasper and Emmett to keep me away from the house, until after five. Then she is allowing me to come home to dress. For someone so little she can sure be a pain." he laughed and I could hear Alice fussing in the background. "Bella, I just wanted to tell you I love you, before Alice monopolizes your time, and to tell you I will see you at the alter." I smiled to myself "I love you too, Edward. More than you know. See you then. I will be the one in white, probably tripping down the aisle." I heard him laughed and say "Until then, my love." I held the phone to my ear for a few minutes, just letting his words flow through me.

I sat in Alice's bathroom as she fussed over me. She had already done my makeup, given me a manicure and was now working on my feet. I rested my head back and tried to calm my nerves. I let my thoughts slip back over the last few nights with Edward. It had been more that I had ever hoped for. When he touched me, I was the one who had to fight for self control, not Edward. While his fingers were cold, they sent my body and soul on fire. He had touched every inch of my body. It had taken two nights, but there was not a part he had missed. When he slid his fingers down my panties and touched my girlie parts, I truly thought I had gone to heaven. I had read and heard about orgasms but had never experienced one, until Edward gave it to me. It was better than anything I had ever read, heard, imagined. I was exhausted afterwards, Edward had smirked at me. He had been so proud of himself. I giggle, and Alice glanced up at me, and frowned, but I just shook me head. She seemed to know not to ask.

Yesterday, had been a blur. Mom and Phil had arrived. She was just beside her self when she saw the Cullen house where the wedding was to be held. She kept going on about how perfect the setting was. Esme, Alice and Renee had hit it off right from the start, as Alice showed her everything she had planned. Phil had stayed at the house with Charlie watching whatever game was on, which surprised me; but they had gotten along extremely well. Who would of thought.

Edward and I were wrapped up in our own little bubble. We floated through the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. This was our last night together as boyfriend and girlfriend. Alice had given strict orders that Edward had to leave before midnight, so we didn't jinx our happiness. We had tried to argue, but it was hopeless to argue with Alice.

After everyone had finally gone their separate ways and Charlie was asleep. I lay in Edward's arms, while he kissed my neck, running his hands over my body setting in on fire. Suddenly it dawn on me that there was something I wanted. Something we had not done. I ran my fingers down Edward's chest, looping my arm around the waist of his pants. I looked up at him and whispered "Edward" I felt my face burn, I wasn't sure I could ask for this, but I had to try, for Edward. His eyes were closed but I heard him "Hmmm" slowly he opened his eyes and he pulled back. "What is it Bella?" I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I felt his finger run down my cheek, "I can't give you what you want if you don't ask?" I looked up at him in shock. It always amazed me that he seem to know what I wanted. "Are you sure you can't read my mind?" I asked, trying to slow down my heart rate. He grinned "I 'm sure, I just know you so well. So tell me, love, what is that you want to ask me?"

I looked into his eyes, and felt my entire body blush, I whispered so softly I knew without his superior hearing he would of never heard me, "Edward, I want to see you" he looked at me confused, until it dawned on him what I meant. I was sure my face was the color of a ripe tomato, but I never took my eyes from his. He bent down and kissed my forehead, before standing up and turning his back to me he removed his pants and his boxer briefs.

I stared at his back almost breathless. There could not be a statue in any museum, anywhere in this world that was more beautiful than Edward was. His broad shoulders, his tapered waist, and I am sorry but his ass was perfect. Perfect shaped globes with dimples. I almost giggled out loud, but I heard Edward take a deep breath and start to turn around.

I kept my eyes on his face. He turned to face me, his expression torn between lust and fear. I smiled at him and saw him relax. He walked slowly toward me, but I kept my eyes on his. He reached out and touched my cheek, then turned to sit next to me. Only then did I allow my eyes to roam down his body. His perfect jawline, his broad chest, his slim waist and then.... I gasped. I had only seen pictures of the male anatomy before, but he put them to shame. He was huge, every bit of nine inches, and it glistened from the moonlight coming through my window. I looked back at his face and he was smiling slightly. Neither of us knew what to say at this point. He bent down and kissed me deeply.

He pulled back slightly and I tried not to stare at his manhood. Without realizing it my hand reached out for it. I stopped myself, but my hand hovered as I looked up into his eyes to see if it was okay. He nodded slightly and I let my trembling finger brush over his erection. It twitched when I touched it and I giggled. He frowned at me "Are you laughing at me" I shook my head but had to cover my mouth, to stifle my laughter. It was nerves, and it broke the tension.

He pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. I could feel every part of his body pressing into mine. He slowly drew his hand down my body and I did the same to his. I slowly caressed him, not sure what to do, but I felt his breath hitch as I wrapped my hand around him. I looked up at his face. His eyes were closed and he licked his lips slowly. I kissed his earlobe and whispered in his ear "Show me how." He knew exactly want I meant and he said softly "I am not sure I can handle this Bella" He opened his eyes, and I saw the desire in them. I nodded my head "Show me, please. If you need to stop me, I will understand, but show me." He closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to decide what to do. He took a breath, and kissed my lips as he wrapped his hand over mine and slowly glided them up and over the head of his penis. I felt the cool wetness that was there and it lubricated my palm as he slowly brought my hand back down. I heard his breath pick up as I slowly brought my hand up and down his shaft. He removed his hand after the first few strokes and I barely heard him say "Perfect, Bella" I smiled to myself. We were so good together. Both so inexperienced, yet we figured it out.

I was fascinated watching my hand glide over him, he would twitch every once in awhile and I would glance up at his face. The expression of pure ecstasy fill me with such love. I now knew how he felt last night when he pleasured me. I made my hand move faster and gripped him tighter, watching he face the whole time to be sure I wasn't pushing his limits. I felt the base of him tighten and his eyes flew open. He reached for my hand as if to stop me, but I kept going. I heard him groan "Bella, I am going..." he stopped and started to pull back. I pushed his hand away and continued. He moaned deeply and I reached over with my free hand and grabbed my tee shirt off the foot of the bed where it had fallen earlier. I covered the end of him with it and pumped harder. He head fell into his chest and he clinched his hands into fists, as I felt him tighten and pulsate. I continued pumping as I felt his warmth cover my hand, the look on his face was heavenly. Edward Cullen lying on my bed, naked, cumming into my hand, looked like an angel sent straight from heaven. I smiled, because I had just brought Edward, the same pleasure he had brought to me last night.

Edward finally stilled my hand. He fell back on my bed, taking deep breaths with his eyes still close. I didn't move. Not sure if he needed time. Soon, his eyes opened at he looked deep into my eyes. His mouth opened and closed several times, before he reached up and stroked my cheek, "That was amazing." he said softly. I kissed his cheek, his nose and finally his lips. "I love you Edward Cullen" he smiled "As do I, you."

We laid in each others arms, just staring at each other for the longest time. I heard Edward cuss under his breath, before he reached for his pants and pulled his phone out. I had never heard it ring, I was concentrating so hard on Edward. "Yes, Alice. I am leaving." He snapped his phone shut. "I have half a mind to ignore her, but she will just sent Emmett here to drag me off."

He was dressed in no time. I pulled my robe on and circle his waist with my arms. "I'll miss you." He kissed the top of my head. "After tomorrow, no one will ever separate us again." He kissed me, looked deep into my eyes "till tomorrow my love" I kissed him back and walked over to the window with my arms wrapped around him. We just looked at each other, no words were needed. He kissed my forehead and was gone. I instantly felt the loss. Even though it would only be for a few hours, suddenly it seemed like forever.

"Hey" I jumped as Alice laughed "Wake up sleeping beauty" I started to rub my eyes, but Alice swatted my hands, "Don't you dare mess up your makeup!" She glared at me. I looked at her, "Opps, sorry"

She had her hands on her hips as she watched me, "I don't know what you were thinking of or dreaming of, but it must have been good by the expression on your face."she smirked at me. I know I blushed as I looked at her "Oh it was, believe me it was What time is it anyway?" I asked as I stretched.

"Time to do your hair." She glanced over at the grandfather clock that was right outside her bathroom, "it is almost 6:00" she squealed, "Just think, Bella, in a little over an hour, we will officially be sisters." I laughed. Only Alice would look at things that way. Not that I was becoming Edward's wife, but her sister. I sat back as she started playing with my hair. Her fingers worked so fast, she had my hair pulled up in intricate braid and curls, before I knew it. "Now" she said, "I just want you to sit here and relax for a few minutes, while I get dressed. And don't you dare open that door if Edward tries to sneak up here." she demanded. "Is he here?" I asked She sighed deeply, "Yes he has been here for awhile, sitting up everything outside. He has been trying to sneak upstairs for the last hour, but if he does, your groom is going to waiting for you in a wheelchair." I laughed.

The next few minutes few by, Alice helped me into my dress. The dress was incredible. So perfect for Edward, vintage lace, high collar, with what seemed like 100 small pearl buttons up the back and on the long cuffs of the sleeves.

She spun me around and showed me my reflection in the mirror, I gasped and felt tears form in my eyes. I was almost pretty. I still didn't feel I was enough for Edward, but he wanted me and that was all that matter.

There was a knock on the door, and Renee came busting through. "Oh Bella" she cried, "you are so beautiful, I have never seen such a beautiful bride." She hugged me tight then stood back to admire me. Alice shot me a glare and shouted "Don't you dare cry, Isabella Swan. You will ruin you makeup." I laughed, Alice always knew how to take my mind off of things.

Rosalie walked into the room carrying the bouquets, and Charlie was right behind her. Charlie looked at Renee and said, "Esme says it is time for everyone to, take their seats. She told me my place was up here." He turned to face me and I heard him gasped. He smiled at me and took my hands. "you look amazing, Bella. You are such a beautiful bride." I blushed and fought the tears.

We heard the music float upstairs. That is when Alice started pushing everyone out, telling them to go sit. She turned to me and said "Ready?" I nodded my head and took a deep breath. Alice gave me a big hug, looked at Charlie and said "the music will give you your cue, see you downstairs" and she was gone in a flash.

Charlie chuckled and said "I don't know where she gets the energy to move that fast." I coughed to cover a laugh, and thought _if you only knew. _We walked out to the top of the stairs. Just as the music changed to the bridal march I felt my heart speed up. Charlie took my arm and looked at me with tears in his eyes "Here we go kiddo" I held onto his arm tight "Don't let me fall, Dad" he kissed my forehead and whispered "Never."

I never took my eyes of off my feet as we started down the long staircase. I heard some muttering, but I was terrified to look. I didn't want everyone to remember my wedding being the on where the bride did a 180 down the steps.

When we reached the bottom of the steps, I searched the front of the long room for one person. Everyone was standing up and I caught glimpses of each of our family members and Jacob, who shot me a brilliant smile, which I tried to return. But I needed to see just one person. As Charlie pulled me down the aisle, I saw him. Edward. So handsome, in his fitted tux.

I looked up to his face and everything else in the world disappeared in that instant. He looked more gorgeous than ever. He had the biggest smile on his face and so much shined through his eyes that suddenly my feet could not move fast enough; for at the end of that aisle, waiting for me, was my life. If I had ever had any doubts about marrying Edward, they disappeared in the moment. I knew then that this was my destiny. Vampire or human, Edward was put on this earth for me and I was put on this earth for Edward.

When we finally reached him and the minister ask who gave this woman to this man, Charlie choked for just a moment, before kissing my cheek and placing my hand in Edward's. I looked at Charlie with tears in my eyes and mouth "Thank you" He nodded his head and went sit by Mom and Phil.

I turned to face Edward as he brought my hands to his mouth and gentle place a kiss on the back of each of them. He smiled the crooked smile I loved so much and said "Hi" I giggled and said "Hi" right back to him. Rev. Weber, cleared his throat and the audience laughed. It was then I realized that we were here for a reason, so without taking our eyes off each other we turned and faced Rev Weber, as he began.

Most of the ceremony was a blur. I know there were things said, but all I could do was stare at Edward. While we both wanted the traditional vows, Edward wanted us to speak from the heart to each other. I had try to talk him out of it, I did not like talking in front of large groups, but this was something he wanted. He had told me he would do it alone, but I didn't feel that was fair. So I had agreed.

I heard Rev Weber explain that we wanted to address each other, I felt the fear course through my veins, but I took a deep breath, turned to face Edward, looked deep into his eyes. I spoke just to him as I spoke from my heart:

_Edward, I love you,_

_Your are my description of love_

_You are my description of friend_

_You are my description of everything_

_You are my description of beginning to end_

_Everyone has a destiny to find_

_Looking in your eyes I have found mine._

_You are all I ever wanted_

_You are all I will ever need._

_So you ask how long I will love you_

_This is what I have to say_

_Past, present, future, always_

_Forever and a day_

_I will be yours always,_

_You will have my love for eternity._

Tears were flowing down my face nonstop, but they were tears of happiness and I could only hope, I could convey how my I loved him. He took his thumbs and wiped at my tears, he brought my hands up to his chest and looked at me and smiled as he said:

_My dear Bella_

_I am not a poet or story teller_

_I can only say what is in my heart _

_I have seen love _

_I have been surrounded by love_

_Carlisle and Esme_

_Alice and Jasper_

_Rose and Emmett_

_all love differently_

_But they love deeply_

_They are always there for each other._

_I was so envious of them _

_That they had someone to share their lives with_

_I never thought I would be blessed in that way_

_Until you_

_Your smile lights up my world_

_Your touch lights up my soul_

I smiled and raised my eyebrows when he said that, was he finally admitting he had a soul? But he touched my cheek, smiled at me, and continued:

_You own my heart_

_You own my life_

_I know I am nothing without you_

_I will try to make any dream you dream come true_

_I will try to make any wish you wish come true_

_Because, today, my Bella,_

_As you become my wife_

_You have made every dream I ever dreamed come true_

_You have made every wish I ever wished come true_

_So as we stand here before your family and mine_

_Before our friends and loved ones_

_I promise, not only to you, but also to them_

_I will love you every day that I walk this earth_

_I will cherish you and care for you_

_I will do everything in my power _

_To make you happy_

_I love you Bella._

He wiped the tears from my cheeks and kissed me gently. I didn't think it was possible to love Edward any more than I had this morning. But I knew, at that moment, that everyday, my love would grow.

We continued to stare into each other eyes as we promised to love, honor and cherish each other, for all the days of our lives. Then we laughed as Rev Weber spoke the words that would join us forever, "As Edward and Isabella have promised their love before God and these witnesses, by the power invested in me by God and the State of Washington, I hereby pronounce that they are husband and wife. Edward, you may kiss your bride.

I giggled as Edward took my face gently in his hand and lightly touched his lips to mine. As far as I was concerned, we were the only two people in that room, because I threw my arms around his neck, bouquet and all, and kissed him as deeply as possible. I don't know or care, how long the kiss lasted. I started to hear snickers and throat clearing right before Edward, gently broke our kiss. We smile at each other as the room erupted with applause.

EPOV

I was a married man. Over one hundred years old and I had a bride. I looked deep into her eyes and saw the love shining there. How did I get so lucky. I felt complete for the first time in forever. Maybe she was right, maybe she was my destiny. She was the reason I was still on this earth, when I should of been beneath it years ago. None of that mattered now. All that mattered was I was married to Bella and I would love her forever.

As we walked down the aisle after becoming man and wife, I glanced over at my family. The look of pure joy on Esme's face, filled me with pride. She had been my mother, in every way but one, for more years than most people live. She had never doubted me, even when I gave her reason to, she had always loved me, even when I didn't deserve it. She had faith in me when I refused to believe in any thing. She knew this day would come and I would have my mate. I smiled at her and she blew me a kiss. Her way of saying "See I told you so" because she would never say it to me. I mouth, "I love you" and she nodded.

As we stood in line, greeting our friends and family, my hand never left hers. I never wanted to be away from her again. She was my lifeline so to speak. I only felt like I was truly living when I was with her.

Everyone had made their way over to the enormous buffet Alice had arranged for the humans as we had pictures taken. We were strolling to the backyard where the main reception was to take place, when I felt her tense just slightly. I saw Jacob making his way over to us. He hadn't come through the line and I just assumed it would be a little difficult for him.

Jacob stopped in front of us and Bella smiled at him "Hello, Jake, thank you so much for being here, it means the world to me." He walked slowly toward her, glanced at me and took her hands in his. "You look really happy Bells" she smiled up at me, then turned to him "I am Jacob, I am truly happier that I ever thought was possible." He nodded his head "That is all I ever wanted, you know that right?" She reached up and kissed him on his cheek "I do know" she said. He turned to me and I heard Bella gasp as he held out his hand to me "Congratulations, Edward. All I ask is take care of her, okay" I shook his hand and looked into his eyes "I promise" He nodded and walked off.

The rest of the reception was a big blur, we did all the traditional things, thanks to Alice. Cut the cake, fed each other cake, I laughed as Bella's eyes got huge as I swallowed the piece she fed me. When it was time to throw the bouquet, I think Bella deliberately aimed for Cheyanne. They still hadn't announced their wedding plans, but Bella was trying to seal the deal.

I gently removed the garter from Bella's leg with my teeth. Alice said that is the way humans do it, so as carefully as possible I did. Then aimed it right into Jacob's face. Bella and Alice jumped up and down, declaring they were the next to marry.

I dance with my beautiful wife standing on my feet. One of the first things I intended to do was teach Bella to dance on her own, but deep down inside I think she enjoyed standing on my feet, and believe me it was okay with me.

Soon Alice was announcing it was time to go. Bella kissed me before going upstairs to change for the long ride ahead of us. We were going to my family's compound in Alaska for two weeks. Everyone thought that was a strange choice for a honeymoon, but Bella had explained it was where I lived before moving to Forks and she wanted to see where I came from. We both knew the real reason. This is the location we had chosen for her transformation, and while it would not be happening for a few months, I wanted her to be familiar with the house and surrounding area. I remembered what it was to come to in unfamiliar surroundings when I was changed. How disorientating is was. I was determined to make this as easy as possible for Bella. Plus, the compound was very secluded. The perfect location for newlyweds on their honeymoon.

I had ran up and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a sweater, I wanted to be comfortable for the drive to Alaska. I was standing off to the side watching everyone, as we waited for Bella. I was remembering how beautiful she was in her wedding dress, but me she would be beautiful in a potato sack.

I felt a hand on my back and turned to see Charlie standing behind me, "Charlie" I said softly. He nodded his head and glanced up the stairs. He looked lost. "It is so hard for me to believe that she is a married woman." he stated. I wasn't sure how to answer. I saw the pain in his eyes, knowing his daughter was leaving home, married, to a man he wasn't sure he liked or trusted. I couldn't think of any thing to say, so I just nodded. He shifted from side to side for a few moments before he looked and me and said "Edward, she will always be my little girl." I nodded and said "Of course." He looked at the ground and said "She loves you. Take care of her for me." he was fighting the tears that were forming in his eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him "You have my word, Charlie. I will do every thing in my power to see that she is never hurt again." He reached his hand out and patted my shoulder, before muttering softly "I believe you."

I felt her hand reach up and touch my face, as her other hand touched her father's face. I smiled at her and kissed the tear that was falling down her face. She squeezed my hand and looked at her father, "My two favorite men in the whole world." Her smile was absolutely beautiful, and she looked from my face to Charlie's. O f course Alice chose that moment to run up and grab us both by the hand, as she yelled, "They are getting ready to leave, every one line up, get your birdseed. I walked over to Esme and Carlilse, to give Bella a minute with Charlie and Renee.

Esme hugged me tightly and said "I am so happy for you Edward, congratulations." I kissed her cheek and whispered, "Thank you....Mom" I said smiling brightly. I shook Carlisle's hand as he told me he was only a phone call away if I needed him.

Before I knew it Bella and I were standing at the open door, ready to run the gauntlet through bird seed to our car. I brought her hand up to my lips and looked deeply in her eyes, "Ready, Mrs. Cullen?" Her whole face lit up with her smile. She leaned up to kiss my cheek and said "Forever, Mr. Cullen, forever.

**A/N I was going to include the honeymoon in this chapter, but it was just getting to long, and their wedding night and honeymoon deserves its own chapter. Forewarned it won't be anything like SM's, but Bella and Edward, will be very happy.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, Next chapter is almost complete so won't be long before next update.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N All thing Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer....I just rearranged their lives...a little**

**This chapter contains some smutty lemons!!! This is where Edward and Bella celebrate their love and their marriage.....be prepared.**

BPOV

I knew I would need to write this day down in my journal. I never wanted to forget one moment of my wedding day. Some moments were clear as day, like Edward's spoken vows to me. I could barely see his face for the tears flooding my eyes, but even through the tears I could see his love shining through, and how much truth he projected in his words.

_So as we stand here before your family and mine_

_Before our friends and loved ones_

_I promise, not only to you, but also to them_

_I will love you every day that I walk this earth_

_I will cherish you and care for you_

_I will do everything in my power _

_To make you happy_

_I love you Bella._

Those words would forever be imbibed in my memory, not only for their meaning, but for the look on Edward's face when he spoke them to me.

He was now my husband. Wow, husband. I never thought I would ever marry, and if I did it would be much later in my life. Of course I never believed I would ever meet someone like Edward.

After I heard the words "I pronounce that they are husband and wife" and Edward kissed me, and I probably acted like a fool, kissed him so deeply and so long, people started to snicker, much of the day is a blur. I was walking six feet off the ground with happiness. Me, Isabella Marie Swan now Cullen, was married to most exquisite man to ever walk the earth. He was mine forever and I was his.

All too soon Alice was yelling that is was time to go. She literally pulled me from Edward's arm, both of us protesting, that I had to change for the honeymoon. We were driving to Alaska, where the Cullen's had a compound. It was in the remote northern part of Alaska. It was where I would begin my new life with Edward. Carlisle and Edward has decided this was where I would be changed, and Edward wanted me to be familiar with my surrounding before I was changed. He explained that things would be difficult enough after, and he wanted to make it as easy as possible. He was such a worrier.

Alice has chosen a soft, royal blue sweater and jeans for my trip to Alaska. We had discussed style vs comfort for the long drive. If Alice had her way I would of ridden in a ridiculous cocktail like dress, until I pointed out I would be sleeping most of the was and I needed to be comfortable. It was one of the only arguments I would win with Alice.

She had packed for both of us and everything was in Emmett's jeep, since we would need it for the terrain in Alaska. Even though it was July and there wouldn't be any snow, apparently the terrain was to rough for the Volvo. Edward had threatened Emmett very existence over his care of his precious Volvo, while we gone. It had provided the rest of the family with days of entertainment with Emmett suggesting certain "modifications" he was going to have Rosalie preform while we were gone. I thought Edward would have a stroke, before he read in Rosalie's mind that he had nothing to worry about.

As I was coming down the stairs my heart swelled so big I thought it would burst as I spotted Edward and Charlie. Charlie had his hand on Edward's shoulder and they were smiling at each other. This was a sight I never thought I would see. I walked up and placed a hand on each of their cheeks "My two favorite men in the whole world" I choked out as the tears flowed again. Alice was yelling for everyone to line up it was time for us to go. Edward kissed my cheek and went to say goodbye to his family. Renee hugged me tightly and whispered "Be happy, baby, I love you" I smiled "I am Mom, I truly am" I turned to Charlie and could tell he was fighting tears. I reached up and hugged his neck tightly "I love you Dad, thank you so much." He hugged me back and kissed my head "I love you too Bells, you know I will always be here for you, I know Edward loves you, so you go, start your new life" he let go of me and turned away before his tears fell.

Edward took my hand and looked deep into my eyes "Ready, Mrs. Cullen" I smiled at him and kissed his cheek "Forever, Mr. Cullen, Forever."

We ran through a shower of birdseed, most of it bouncing off Edward as he tried to cover me and jumped into the jeep, that was covered in "Just Married" banners and, I swear there were designer shoes tied to the back and we were off to begin our new life.

While it should of taken days to arrive at our destination, I knew with a Cullen driving it would not take anywhere near that long. Edward drove non stop, one of the advantages of not having to sleep, we stop twice for me to eat, otherwise, we only stopped for gas.

I don't know how long I had been sleeping when we started going over extremely rough terrain. I smiled sleepily up at Edward, and he stroked my cheek, "Almost there sleepy head" I yawned and pulled myself up in the seat to look around. We had left Forks after dark and had driven for days, it was just beginning to get dark, but it was still light enough to see the surrounding area. It was beautiful, very lush, and nothing to see but nature as far as I looked.. The road was just a dirt trail, with just room for one vehicle. I ask what he would do if another vehicle came and he laughed, and told me this was basically undeveloped territory, other than the Cullen compound, there were no civilization for miles. The nearest town was over 200 miles away. He explained that the compound was totally self sufficient, powered by generators, with satellite powered phone and television. Carlisle had arranged for it to be totally stock with food and to make sure everything had been working properly, in preparation for our arrival.

We came over a small rise and I saw before me the most incredible log cabin, no scratch that, log mansion, before me. It was the most beautiful setting I had ever seen, even move beautiful than the Cullen home in Forks. It took my breath away. Edward smiled at me, and explained how Carlisle, Emmett and himself had build it by themselves over 74 years ago. It had under gone several updates over the years, and was one of Esme's favorite hideaways.

Edward pulled up to the front door, jumping out of the jeep grabbing our luggage with one hand, and scooping me up in his arms bridal style. He kissed me deeply and started toward the massive front door.

"Holy, mother of God" I gasped as he carried through the front door, "this is amazing" We entered into a foyer, that was as large as my bedroom in Charlie's house in Forks. Edward dropped our luggage, but continued to carry me down three small steps into the living room, which was circular, with floor to ceiling windows on the east side, it had a cathedral ceiling and a massive fireplace which covered a complete wall where a fire was burning lowly.

"Want the grand tour?" he whispered in my ear. I giggled as his breath tickled my ear. I smiled at him and nodded. Suddenly I was very nervous, and feeling a little shy.

He walked me through the downstairs, behind the living room was a enormous kitchen, with all modern appliances, a formal dining room, library, theater room and one and a half baths completed the ground floor. I asked why they even had bathrooms as they had no use for them except to shower, and he just grinned and said "for show."

He started up the large log shaped staircase, still carrying my, as I complained that it was only tradition to carry the bride over the threshold, but he laughed, that he liked carrying me.

There were six complete bedroom suites upstairs, all had separate bathroom with jacuzzi tubes and wonderful views of the mountains.

Edward put me down in the final suite we entered and I was in complete awe. The room was also circular in shape, with large windows and French door leading out to a balcony. There was a stone fireplace in the corner of the room with a fire burning. In the middle of the room was a king size canopy bed, covered in rose petals and candles were burning on every flat surface available.

I looked at him in shock, "How....how.... did you do all this? Everything is just perfect." He shrugged his shoulders, "We have caretakers, I left perfect instruction of how I wished everything to look." I walked around the room touching all the elegant touches and turned to him "This is amazing, Edward, thank you so much" We looked at each other for a few minutes, both unsure of what to do next. He looked at me "I should go get the luggage, you will probably want to take a shower after our long drive." I nodded at him, blushing, I walked out onto the balcony and was amazed at the view. Lush green mountains as far as the eye could see, with a small river winding through the property. I jumped when I felt Edward place his arms around my waist, forgetting how fast he could move, "Beautiful" he whispered in my ear. I smiled "Yes the view is incredible"He turned me around and looked into my eyes "I wasn't talking about the view." He kissed me deeply and told me my suitcase was on the hope chest at the end of the bed, if I wanted to take a shower. I kissed him back and walked into the bedroom.

Edward told me he was going to go check the generators and make sure everything was working properly while I took a shower. I opened my suitcase and there on top was a white negligee with a note from Alice stating "You must wear this on your wedding night" I held it up and rolled my eyes. It was sheer, almost completely see through, floor length, with spaghetti straps, and the back cowled all the way down to the end of my spine. I shook my head and smiled. Who was I to bet against Alice. I took a long hot shower, getting all the kinks out from the long drive. I blew my hair down and put on Alice's gift.

When I stepped out of the shower Edward was sitting on the side of the bed staring at the floor;looking as nervous as I was "Oh my...Bella you are truly beautiful" he said as he walked over to me. I blushed and said "Alice, left it for me with a note telling me I had to wear it tonight." I replied. He smiled his crooked smile, "remind me to thank Alice when we get home." He walked over a poured me a glass of champagne. I sat on the end of the bed and he handed it to me. I sipped it trying to calm my nerves, I glance up at him and smiled "Believe it or not, I'm really nervous" he chuckled "Then that makes two of us. Are you hungry?" he asked looking over at the strawberries he had brought up with the champagne. I shook my head no. We continued to stare at each other while I drank my champagne. He finally broke the silence, "Bella, we don't have to do this" I looked up his and shook my head "No, Edward, I want this. I have waited so long to be with you. I am not nervous that you will hurt me, I know you won't, it's just....so new...I don't want to...disappoint you." I looked at the floor, turning every shade of red there is. He reached over and took my glass, "You could never disappoint me Bella. Even if we never make love, I have more than I ever thought I would have."

He picked me up in his arms, kissing me deeply, and carried me over to the top of the bed. He pulled the comforter back and gently laid me down. I looked up into his eyes and said, "This is so right, Edward. _We_ are so right." He kissed me until I couldn't breath, then traced my jawline with kisses, down my neck, and back again. He whispered to softly "I love you so much, Bella. You have made my life complete." I felt the tears gather in my eyes and I pulled his mouth to mine.

I could feel the tension in his body. He felt like marble all the time, but now he was stiff. I needed to show him that this was right. That _we were right together. _ I rose up so I was kneeling before him. He stood by the side of the bed so afraid to move forward. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on his lips. I moved my lips down his neck, kissing him gently, rubbing my hands down his chest, as I kissed back up to his lips. I pulled him to me tightly, and he gently put his arms around my waist, finally kissing me back. "I love you, Edward, I want you" I whispered in his ear. I reached up and slid my negligee down letting it drop to my knees.

He eyes widen, and his breath stopped for a minute as his eyes ran down my body. He looked into my eyes with a mixture of fear and lust. I looked deep into his eyes and said, "Please?"

That seemed to be the magic word. He crushed me to his chest kissing me deeply, running his hands down the sides of my body, sending shivers throughout my entire system. He leaned down and pulled off his jeans and boxers, and it was my turn to gasp. He laid me down and pulled my nightgown the rest of the way off and threw it across the room. He kissed down my throat until he reached my breast, gently licking my nipple and sucking it lightly. I have never felt anything so incredible in my life. My whole body was on fire. Edward slowly more his hand down my body until he reached my mound. He very softly separated my lips and brushed his fingertip across my clit, I arched my body, wanting more, needing more. He kissed me again as his finger entered me. It felt so much more than I had imagined. He moved his finger in and out of me before adding another one as I bucked against his hand, needing more friction.

He smiled up at me as he crawled back up my body. My legs spread, seemingly, on their own, like they were calling for him. He kissed me softly, never taking his eyes off of mine. He lower himself to me, resting most of his weight on his knees and elbows, so not to crush me. "I love you so much, Bella" he mumbled as he kissed me. I felt the head of his member press against my opening, ice meeting fire, I shuddered lightly, trying not to pushed myself onto him. He kissed me and press in lightly. He looked at me with pain in his eyes, "This is going to hurt a little" he said in my ear as he kissed my neck,"please let me know if it is too much," all I could do was nod, to let him know I understood.

Edward kissed me as he pushed into me in one swift move. I gasped and stiffened slightly and Edward froze. "Bella...:" he said. I shook my head, "no, it's okay, please just give me a moment." he nodded as I kissed his shoulder. The pain was more intense than I expected, but not unbearable. I took several deep breaths, making myself relax, as I looked into Edwards worried eyes. "We should stop."he said as he tried to pull back, but I grabbed him and shouted a little to loudly, "NO" he stared at me, but ceased all movement. "It's okay, now. It was just the initial pain, but it is gone now, please don't stop" I begged.

"Are you sure" he asked, the fear back in his eyes. I smiled up at him and bucked my hips to let him know I was fine. He stayed perfectly still for what seem like forever, before he pulled out slightly and pushed back it. His eyes never left mine and he continue pushing in and out. I knew he was watching me carefully to make sure he wasn't hurting me. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feel of Edward inside of me. I kissed his chest and ran my finger through his hair. After a few minutes, Edward seemed to relax and just go with the flow. He kissed my face, moving down my neck. He moved his hand down and rubbed my clit as he started doing what came natural, but I could tell he was be cautious, holding back.. I needed to feel more, but I knew I couldn't push him, After a few minutes, I couldn't hold back any longer, I bucked my hips toward his, desperate for more friction, desperate to show him how much I needed him.

I looked into his eyes and saw the lust but I also saw the fear. I reached up and pulled him down to me, kissing him deeply and tangling my hands in his hair. I kissed down his jawline and up to his ear, nibbling gently on his earlobe. I whispered to him, "You are amazing Edward, please just let go, love me" I pulled back and looked at his face, with that he seemed to relax and cupped my cheek in his hand and his breath began to quicken and his gaze changed with such intensity to love, lust and desire.

With a new determination Edward plunged into me with more force, loving me the way a husband loves a wife, I smiles and my eyes fluttered shut and my head drew back because the feeling building in me was indescribably, I heard myself moan and then everything seem to happen at once, this feeling overtook my body as I fell over the edge and savored every moment, before my body went limp

EPOV

I wasn't sure I could do this. I wanted to so badly. Bella would never know how much I wanted her, but if I hurt her... I was trying to be so careful, but they look on her face said she was tired of waiting. Then she raised up on her knees and dropped her nightgown. I felt my mouth fall to the ground and my eyes widen.

Bella was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Kneeling on the bed, arms around my neck, begging me with her eyes to make love to her. Then she looked up at me and said "Please" so softly, yet so desperately, something clicked inside my head, and I took her in my arms and kissed her as deeply as possible, trying to let her see how much I wanted her.

It seemed to move so naturally after that, she more or less guided me. I had to be so careful, one wrong move and I could crush her. When I entered her, I knew at that moment that this was my heaven. Nothing could ever had prepared me for the feelings coursing through my body.

I felt her tense and gasped quietly and I froze, I knew I had hurt her.

She reached up and cupped my cheek in her tiny hand, "no, it's okay, please just give me a moment" I studied her face, and started to pull out, but she all but shouted "NO" and pulled me to her. I had to fight not to snicker, it was just so cute, so was so determine not to let me stop. I looked at her questioning, but she bucked up against me, her way of telling me to continue.

After her gentle persuasion in her movements and her touch, I allowed myself to relax a little and just go with what seemed natural, but when she whispered in my ear "You are amazing Edward, please just let go, love me" I knew then, in that moment, I would never deny her anything. I just let myself be in the moment, still trying to control my every movement, so no to crush her, but I began to truly make love to her. Her little body responded, I drove into her harder and move my hand to rub her clit, she threw her head back and arched her back. I felt her clench around me and her arousal flowed, as she moaned and press against me with everything she had. I felt myself start to fall over the edge, as I pulled her tight to my chest and felt my cock begin to pulsate, the monster that I had fought so hard to keep away, reared his ugly her, venom filled my mouth, as I spilled into her. I couldn't stop but I knew I had to control it, so I grabbed one of the round decorative pillows that were next to Bella's head, as just as I thought I would lose it all, the feeling coursing through my body, I forced my head away from her neck and bit down into the pillow, grunting and moaning as I climaxed with my wife.

I held Bella tight to my chest and I fought to control the monster within. After what seem like forever, but in reality was only a few moments, I lifted my head to look at her. She was lying perfectly still, a slight smile on her face, but so limp. I felt the panic raise in my throat, had I squeezed her too tight, had I done what I had always feared? I shook her gently "Bella?" I asked frantically.

She lolled her head to the side and answered meekly "Hmmm..?" She opened her eyes and I released a sigh of relief. She looked at me with such love, such satisfaction, it made me chuckle. She lifted her hand to my face and whispered "Thank you, that was better than I had dreamed." I laughed, bend down and kissed her lips "My pleasure" I snickered.

With all the books I have read, with all the movies I have seen, and all the tales I have heard told over the years about the joys of sexual pleasure, nothing prepared me for the actual feelings. I didn't hear or see fireworks, but I felt them, throughout my entire being. I smiled down at Bella as she smiled up at me. I gently rolled over to her side and gathered into my arms "Are you all right?" I asked softly.

BPOV

Edward gathered me in his arm and asked softly "Are you all right?" I smiled looking into his eyes while I contemplated my answer. I sighed deeply and rubbed my palm against his cheek "Edward, I am better than okay, I am better than perfect. That was...honestly the best experience of my life." I looked at him trying to decipher his expression. He seemed happy, but he wasn't breathing. I frowned and started to ask him what was wrong, when I realized what it was. I jumped up shouting, perhaps a little to loudly, "Oh God Edward, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." He had jumped when I had and was standing on the other side of the bed, looking at me like I had gone insane. I started grabbing the sheets off the bed, as he started toward me. "NO," I yelled, he looked at me stunned "I am so sorry, Edward, I forgot about the blood, let me get rid of these and take a shower." I looked at him, as he stopped and his face relaxed. "Bella, believe me that is nothing, you just scared the hell out of me" he said as he pulled me into his arm. "But you weren't breathing.." he bent down and kissed me. "It's nothing, Bella, come here." He pulled me into his arm and kissed my forehead, "It is nothing I can't handle" I kissed his chin and pulled away, he looked and pouted just a bit, I burst out laughing "Still I need a shower and I worked up quite an appetite, you got any food in this place?" His eyes lit up "Of course, Mrs Cullen, what would you like" he asked as the smile on my face got bigger, I loved my new name "Surprise me, Mr Cullen" I giggle as I went to the bathroom.

I took a hot shower in the enormous shower that had six shower head so every part of my body was hit with steaming water. I giggled to myself as I imagined Edward and I in here together. Definitely something I wanted to do while we were here. I had just finished drying my hair, when I heard Edward return, he shouted that dinner was served. I opened the bathroom door just a crack and ask for something to put on, he stuck his head in the door and smirked "Why" I snapped the towel at him, but he handed me his shirt. I just snickered to myself.

I walked out of the bathroom in just Edward's soft blue button up shirt, to a feast. My eyes widen as I looked at all he food he had sitting at the small table. Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli, biscuits, and wine. I looked up at him, "This can't all be for me?" He laughed, "I haven't figured out how to cook small portions yet." he shrugged. "Just eat what you can, we can save the rest." I ate until I hurt. It was so good. Edward watched my every move, and ask if the food was cooked alright. I shook my head at him and frowned "Is there nothing you can't do. You don't even eat, yet you can cook like a gourmet chef." Edward smiled at me while he poured me another glass of wine, "When you don't have to sleep, you can accomplish a lot."

He handed me the wine and I smiled at him "Why Mr Cullen, are you trying to get me drunk?" I asked sheepishly. I wasn't a drinker, I had only had alcohol twice in my life, at my graduation party, a sip of champagne and tonight. I was already feeling light headed. He smirked at me "Do I need to?" he ask raising his eyebrows. I stood up and sat down the wine glass. I walked over to him and straddled his lap circling his neck with my arms. "Absolutely not" I smiled as I kissed his neck. He chuckled and kissed me deeply. "I like my shirt on you." he said softly. I sat back so I could see his expression, "Me too" I whispered as he started to unbutton each button slowly.. He pulled me tight to his chest so my head nestled in the crook of his neck "Are you sore?" he asked. I frowned before it dawned on me what he meant."No" I answered him.

Before I knew it we were on the bed and his was kissing me deeply. Unbelievable, the second time was better than the first. Each time got better and Edward relaxed more and more.

**

The first week of our honeymoon flew by. Edward was so relaxed and was able to be himself, without hiding, without trying to look human. Sometimes he moved so fast it made me dizzy, but I loved it. When he laughed the walls shook. It was so deep and uninhibited. I didn't think was possible for me to love him anymore than I did on our wedding day, but each day I fell more in love with him. Seeing him able to just be "Edward" opened my eyes to a whole other side of him.

Edward went hunting every night while I slept. He told me this was some of his favorite hunting grounds, so much variety, moose, elk, bear. This was one of the reasons Carlisle had suggested changing me here. There was so much wildlife, it wouldn't be difficult for me in the beginning. I cringed every time he talked about me hunting. I knew to have Edward forever I would have to feed on animals, but I just couldn't see myself doing it. Edward assured me that it would come naturally.

Edward was in his natural habitat here. He chopped wood for the fireplace, with his bare hands. He showed me all of the surrounding acreage, with me on his back. Time just flew.

One night after dinner, he informed me that Carlisle would be arriving the next day. I looked at him "Carlisle is joining us on our honeymoon?" I asked with a smirk. He chuckled and then his expression turned dark "He wants to talk to us about your transformation. Since it is going to happen here, he thinks it is important to explain some steps .. about how...where...." he couldn't continue, and looked so unhappy it almost broke my heart. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Why are you so opposed to this? I thought it was all settled, that you were okay with me joining you forever." I asked as my voice cracked. I hated seeing him so upset.

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. Rubbing his hand up and down my back he told me "Bella, I do want you with me forever, but when I think of what you will go through, the agony, and how much I am taking away from you.." I reached up and place my hand over his mouth, "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen" I almost shouted at him, he raised his eyebrows at me, "don't you dare even suggest that you are taking anything from me!" I pulled away from him and spun around "This last week or more have been the best days of my entire life. Being with you, loving you, has been more than I ever imagined it could be." I felt myself getting angry, but I couldn't help it.

"You are so damn afraid that you are taking me away from something, that by making me yours forever, you are cheating me out of some other life." I walked back to him, and took his face in my hand, I looked him in his eyes, which were so full of pain, it made my eyes tear, "Don't you understand, without you, I have nothing!!! All the _stuff _you think you are stealing from me, means nothing. If I could have everything in the world that is suppose to be equal to happiness... money, family, children, success...and I don't have you, my life would be so empty. Please, Edward, understand that. Because if my becoming a vampire is going to make you this unhappy, will you eventually resent me....send me away....leave me???"

EPOV

I stared at Bella as she stood across the room from me. She was crying, yelling and shaking. Because of me. It broke my heart. How could I do this to the woman I loved? She had given me everything I had ever desired in my life, she had married me, she had given me her body, she had made me complete. I was hurting her. What was wrong we me?

"Bella, that will never happen" I walked slowly toward her "I _will never _leave you or send you away, please know that."

"I don't what you to be unhappy." she whispered.

I shook my head as I reached out to encircle her with my arms. I wrapped her in my arms and held her as tight as possible. "You could never make me unhappy. I am so sorry, Bella." She was shaking. I picked her up and carried her to the bed, sitting with her on my lap, crushing her to my chest, her little head nestled in the crook of my neck. We sat there for what seemed hours. Our arms around each other just holding on as tight as we could.

I looked down at her and wiped the tears from her face, I tilted her chin up so she would have to look at me, "I love you Bella. I want you forever, and I will have you forever. I promised you that. I just know that it is not going to be easy for you and that kills me. The very thought of you being in pain, even for a second, is unbearable for me. Please, don't think for a minute, that I don't want you." I looked at her and saw the doubt in her eyes. "You don't believe me do you?" She looked up at me with a shocked look on her face.

"I do believe you Edward." she spoke softly, "I am not going to lie, I still get scare that this is all a dream, that you are going to disappear again." She looked up at me "I will not survive if it happens again." I held her as tight as possible, "Never, my Bella, never" if I could cry, tears would be flowing, "I _will never _be without you again. I promise you this, you will be at my side forever." She looked up at me with such hope in her eyes. "You mean that, don't you" I nodded and kissed her gently. She smiled at me and my heart grew. There was nothing in this world more beautiful than Bella's smile.

"I won't lie to you Bella" I said as I stared into her eyes "I am scared, not of having you forever, but of what you will have to go through. It is something I have to deal with, but I will deal with it. Just try to be patient with me, okay?" I asked.

She snuggled into my chest. "Forever, Edward, forever." I laid her down on the bed, to show her how much I loved her.

**Whew!!! This chapter was harder to write than I thought. Suffered a little writer's block. Wanted it to be so perfect, not sure it is, but did my best. Let me know what you think.**

**Next chapter is going to be college, Jacob's wedding and the beginning of Bella's transformation.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just wish they were mine.**

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, makes my heart sing and want to give you more.**

**Sorry it has taken so long, I have written and rewritten this chapter about five times. Just couldn't get it to feel right. It is a transitional chapter with a lot of information, but didn't want it to be boring. Hope you like it.**

**I have figured on 20 chapters and Epi, so we are almost done. Hope you enjoy.**

**The honeymoon continues, be prepared for just a little hot lemony smutty mess as Bella and Edward discover new ways to show their love.**

**EPOV  
**

I was so going to miss this, I thought to myself. Watching Bella sleep. All curled up in a ball, wrapped in the heavy quilt, as tight to my side as she could possibly get. She was exhausted. Mentally and physically.

I watched her breath in and out, and slapped myself mentally for ever leaving her. All I had done was cause her more pain than one person deserved in a lifetime. My selfishness had hurt her and almost destroyed me. She was still suffering because of my leaving. I saw it last night, the insecurity in her eyes, the thought that I wouldn't want her...forever.

I could only hope that I had convinced her that I did, I would always want Bella. I was just afraid of the pain. The pain I knew she would be enduring soon, much to soon, for my sake. I shook my head trying not to think of that part of our future. I lightly stroked her cheek, and smile at her.

Last night was unreal. We made love for hours. Just taking our time. It was very gentle and giving and sensual. I wanted her to feel how much I loved her, how much I wanted her. I wanted her to feel that I would never, could never leave her again. That my fears were just that 'my fears.'

I felt her stir in her sleep, shifting slightly, but never leaving my side. She was waking up. I had come to know every change in her, waking and sleeping. I smiled to myself, as I lightly stroked her cheek with my fingertips. Her eyes fluttered open and a soft smile crossed her lips. She stretched and wrapped her arms around my waist, "What time is is?" she asked while fighting a big yawn. I pulled her with me as I turned to look at the clock, "two am, go back to sleep, angel" I said as I snuggled down next to her.

"I am wide awake" she smirked up at me "we did go to bed rather early last night." I smiled at the memory "Yes, but you didn't go to sleep for hours," She giggled "I know" she said as she sat up and kissed my chest.

She ran her finger up and down my chest, planting soft kisses all the way from my navel to my chin. She rested her head on my chest and whispered "Thank you, Edward" I rubbed her arm and ask "For what?" She became very still, "For putting up with my insecurities" she shrugged.

I pulled her up next to me, placing my finger under her chin and lifting it up so she had to look at me, "Bella, I left you. I lie to you about why I was leaving you. I let you believe for months that I didn't love you. That I didn't want you." I brushed her lips lightly with my thumb, "Yet, still you forgave me. You allowed me back into your life. You gave me another chance. You love me, you married me. You have nothing to thank me for. I should be thanking you, and I do. I am still amazed that you forgave me."

"I almost didn't" she said, I looked at her in surprise. She continued "You hurt me so badly, and you were gone so long. When you came back and started questioning my friend ship with Jacob and different things...I wanted to send you away and tell you to never come back" She looked up at me with the saddest eyes. "But I couldn't. Because without you I was empty, like a part of me was gone. When you came back, it was like I was whole again. The hollowness in my chest was gone, I could breath again, something I hadn't done in such a long time. I know it probably sounds silly to you, but I truly believe you are my other half. That we were each put on this earth to be with each other." I took a deep breath, "It doesn't sound silly to me, it is exactly how I feel" I kissed her head,

"You should go back to sleep, Carlisle will be here this afternoon and you need your rest." She lifted her head and grinned at me, "I'm hungry," she giggled. I grabbed her up into my arms and carried her, as she giggled down to the kitchen, "what are you hungry for" I asked as I sat her down. She walked over the the refrigerator and looked through it, pulling out a carton of eggs. She started to crack several eggs into a bowl when I asked "you want me to fix them for you?" She shook her head, "No, you have cooked for me ever since we arrived, you are spoiling me." I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, "Mrs Cullen, that is my job." She snuggled back into me and replied "And you are very good at it, but go sit, I can fix an omelet"

I sat at the table and watched her. She was clumsy in almost every thing she did, except cooking. She was in her element. She moved so fluidly, mixing and flipping, it was like watching elegance in motion. I couldn't stop smiling, watching my wife. She finished her omelet and walked over to sit next to me. She looked at me, sitting there with a goofy grin on my face and said "What?" I started laughing, and she frowned at me, I reached up and ran my finger down her cheek, "You are just so beautiful, I could spend forever just watching you." She blushed and shook her head as she started eating. We sat at the kitchen table for hours just talking, about nothing and everything. I washed up the dishes and ask her if she was ready to go back to sleep. "No. I'm not sleepy" she said. "So what do you want to do?" I asked, waggling my eyebrows. She burst out laughing, "Um for a man who fought me for months, you are suddenly insatiable?" she asked. I reached for her and pulled her on my lap, I kissed her "What would you like to do?" She wrinkled up her forehead, and looked out the window at the sunrise, "Lets go for a walk" she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. I grabbed her jacket off the hook by the back door and wrapped in around her shoulders.

We walked around the house as the sun came up. She was telling me how beautiful it was here. I took her in my arms "This is one of my favorite places on earth. We move here about every fifty years and stay for about two years. It's hard for Carlisle, because he likes to work, he feels it is his penance, his way of giving back. There is a complete working "clinic/emergency room" in the basement." She looked up at me in surprise, as I continued "The closest hospital is over 200 miles away, so he provides free medical service to all the natives. He travels to them, because no one lives close and if they need further or more in depth treatment, he brings them here." She was starring at me with the look of pure awe on her face. So I kissed her. She laughed "I have always known you and your family are amazing, but as I keep learning more, I feel so unworthy of being part of this family. Each member is so incredible, so giving." I laughed as she frowned and asked "Even Rosalie?" That made her laugh and we kept walking.

Soon we came to the river's edge, where there was a small bridge that crossed over to an opening in the forest. I watched as her face lit up with wonder. She turned and looked at me "Oh Edward, this is amazing, so beautiful." I smiled at her "Yes, this is one of the most beautiful places on earth in the summer, and the winter for that matter. I always come here when I want to be alone and just think." We walked around the almost symmetrical opening in the forest and I watched the fascination on her face. "It reminds me of our meadow in Forks" she whispered to me. "Yes, that is why I loved the meadow there, it reminded me of here, that is why I wanted to share it with you." She looked up at me and smiled her beautiful smile and kissed my cheek.

We were almost to the southeast edge when she notice an opening in the trees. It wasn't really an opening. All the trees there had been broken, several looked like they had been hacked right in half, others had been pulled up by there roots. She looked up at me with questions in her eyes "What in the world did this?" I looked down unable to look in her eyes. "Um...I did this." She turned until she was standing right in front of me and pulled my face to hers, "Why?" she asked so innocently. I took a deep breath and sat down on one of the fallen logs. I pulled her into my lap and rested my forehead against hers. I was so ashamed at what I was about to tell her, but I knew I had to. "This is where I came...when I left you. I spend most of my days curled up in a ball, trying to cope with the agony, but sometimes I couldn't bear the pain.....and I would come here, and this" I said as I waved my arm at the damaged trees "is what happened.

I couldn't look at her, knowing the disappointment I would see in her eyes. But once again my Bella surprised me. She hugged me tightly, then took my face in both of her little hands and forced me to look at her "I am so sorry Edward" I started to argue with her that she had nothing to be sorry for, that it was all me, when she stopped me "I am sorry that you were in that kind of pain. Sorry that I couldn't be here to help you" She kissed me and continued "Edward, I love you so much. I hated that we ever had to be apart. But I am also beginning to see that it was a good thing."

I looked up at her, shaking my head "How can you say it was a good thing" I asked "It almost destroyed us both, I hurt you so much and you think it was good" I know it came out more harshly than I meant, but she smiled up at me and took my hand "Edward, because of us being apart, we both know now, that we _cannot _be apart. We now know that death would be easier than being apart. I know, for myself, that I appreciate you so much more, now, that I know what it is like to not have you. I know it has made me want to work so much harder to make sure you know how much I love you. How much I appreciate you. Not what you can give me, but you, the being that you are. I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know how happy you make me. By having you here, knowing you love me, seeing the love in your eyes, if that is what it took to make us realize how important we are to each other...then all that pain was worth it."

I looked at her in total amazement. I pulled her to me and kissed her as deeply as I could. I pulled back and looked deep into her eyes, "You are so unbelievable, you know that? You always manage to take the worst situation and make it better. I love you so much Bella." I smiled and wiped the tears off her cheeks that started to fall "thank you so much for loving me" I whispered as I laid her down in the grass. I then showed her how much I loved her.

BPOV

I was beginning to love Alaska. Our honeymoon had been almost perfect. Edward and I had a few bumps in the road, thanks to my insecurities and Edward's guilt over leaving me and his doubts of changing me

We had just spent to most amazing morning in this small clearing behind the house. It reminded me so much of "our" meadow back in Forks. We were walking back to the house, after making love for hours, when Edward suddenly stopped. He squeezed my hand "Carlisle is here." He looked down at me and smile and we increase our steps.

As we crossed the small river, I spotted Carlisle's black Mercedes parked outside the house. As we walked into the large cabin, Carlisle walked up to us. "Hello, kids" he smiled at us both.

Edward walked over to hug his father figure, as did I. He looked at us both and a smile covered his face, "Marriage seems to agree with you both." We looked at each other and smiled "Yes, I highly recommend it for everyone." I giggled. Edward brought my hand up to his mouth and gave he a sweet kiss, "Yes, Carlisle, I can honestly say it was the smartest thing I have ever done in my existence."

I didn't think Carlisle's smile could get any bigger, but it did. He reached out and hugged us both. "I knew it would work out. When two people love each other as much as you two do, it can't help but be successful"

"I am so sorry to intrude on your private time together, but there are a few things I want to cover with you before you leave for Dartmouth. Since this is where your transformation will occur" Carlisle said as her spoke to me "I thought it would be best to give you a brief walk through in the place the change will happen. I promise it won't take long and I should be gone before night fall."

"Please Carlisle," I replied "you are not intruding, you are giving me my forever, stay as long as necessary."

He gave me a big hug, and turned to Edward, "Have you shown Bella the clinic" he asked, Edward looked down and said "No, I figured I wait until you were here." He tried to hide the sadness in his eyes as her spoke. "Well" Carlisle said, "no time like the present." We followed Carlisle down a long circular staircase, down into the basement of the cabin. Carlisle switched on a light switch and the sight before me was amazing. I walked into a fully contained emergency room. There was the latest in medical equipment, two separate exam rooms and what look like an operating room. My mouth fell open and I heard a pop as I snapped it shut.

Edward pulled me over to one of the stretchers and we sat down, as he pulled me close to his side, Carlisle began "As you know I have not changed anyone who hasn't been near death. This is new to me, but I hope I have figured out how to make this a little less painful " He turned to me "Bella have you ever been given Morphine, for pain." I shook my head "I am not sure. I know I have been given Demerol, when I broke my ribs as a child, but I am not sure about Morphine." Edward spoke up, "Yes she had." I looked at him and frowned "They gave it to her in the hospital after James" he grimaced. "She actually tolerated it fairly well"

"Okay" Carlisle was in full physician mode now. I tried to give Emmett massive amounts of Morphine when I changed him, in the hope of killing the pain from the venom. But his injuries were to severe. I didn't have time to allow the Morphine to spread through out his system before introducing the venom. He remembers it as being extremely painful, but I did get the sense that it helped" He laughed "Of course with Emmett who can tell.

Edward and I looked at him, me with hope in my eyes, Edward with pain and fear in his. Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder as he continued "Since Bella is healthy, I am confident that we can inject enough Morphine to almost the point of a coma., this way her heart will be weak, then you can inject the venom directly into her heart."

"Wait" I shouted looking at both of them "Inject..... I thought Edward would just bite me, why does he need to use needles?" Edward squeezed my hand harder as Carlisle tried to explain the procedure to me. "He will" he said "after the injection into your heart of his venom, he will bite all of your pressure points. I am convinced that by injecting the venom directly into you heart, it will speed up the spread of the venom throughout your system, hopefully, eliminating most of the pain and shortening the time it takes for your transformation to be complete." I just nodded, knowing it made sense, but still finding it a little frightening. Edward squeezed my hand tightly and asked Carlisle "How will you know how much Morphine to use, so as to not overdose her to the point of death?" I know he felt the shiver that ran through my body. "We will have her completely monitored. I will leave nothing to chance, Edward, not with Bella's life." He smiled slightly at Edward.

"Bella" Carlisle turned to me "I want to do a test run before we start the actual procedure." I looked at Edward and he had the same shocked look on his face as I did. We both said at the same time "A test run?" Carlisle put his hands up "Wait, what I mean is I would like to give Bella small doses of Morphine and monitor her reaction, her heart rate, pulse rate, run a constant EKG while upping the dosage to see her tolerance. Just so I have a general idea how much we will need before we inject the venom." Edward was shaking his head "I don't Carlisle, that sound a little extreme. If anything should go wrong..." Carlisle placed his hands on Edward's shoulders, "Son, I would never put Bella's life or even her health in danger. I promise you that." He looked Edward right in the eyes "I want to cover all bases, I want to have as much information as possible, on her reaction before we proceed. I WILL make sure nothing goes wrong. This much I will promise you Edward." Edward nodded his head and took me in his arms and hugged me tight. I could feel the fear running through his body.

I hugged Edward tightly and kept my eyes on his face as I spoke to Carlisle "So you feel that by giving me enough Morphine, hopefully the pain of the transformation, that you, Edward and the others went through will be less for me?" Carlisle nodded "That is my hope. As I said, I have never transformed anyone who wasn't at death's door. This is new for me. You are the first person to knowingly choose this life. But you are the love of my son's life Bella. I love you like a daughter already, and I will do everything I can to make this as easy for you and for Edward as I possible can."

I looked at Carlisle and smiled "Okay then, whatever needs to be done, lets do it." Edward looked down at me then to Carlisle. I could barely hear him as he whispered "You want to do it now?" Carlisle shook his head "No, no not at all. I think it should be done a day or two before her transformation." I felt Edward let out a sigh of relief.

Carlisle then sat down and explained to me want I could expect after my transformation and why he thought Alaska was the perfect place to undertake it. When my transformation was complete, I would lose most of my human memories, my throat would burn with thirst. Edward would take me hunting. He assured me that I shouldn't worry, that hunting came naturally. There were no humans for miles from the complex and in January, there was no chance that there would be a random hunter or hiker in the area, due to the snowfall. Every person's control was different. I would be extremely strong, stronger even than Emmett, I giggle at the thought of that. Edward and the family would work with me to control that and to get use to the strange feeling that I would experience. I frowned and asked what her meant. He told me all my senses would be escalated a hundred times. It would be a little unnerving and frightening, but he assured me that the family would do whatever it took to help. I asked about Charlie and he said that it would depend on my abilities after the transformation was complete. By doing this in January, no one would be expecting us home before summer, and we could us summer school as an excuse for not returning if necessary. It was still a great possibility that I would have to fake my death, but Carlisle would wait on that decision until after everything was complete.

It seemed like we spend hours discussing everything that would happen. The only time things got tense was when I asked Edward if he would consider staying away during my transformation, in case it was painful. He was adamant that would not happen. He would be by my side from the beginning to end, and forever. I just didn't want him to have to suffer watching me since it was not necessary. He told me in no uncertain terms, that he would be with me and nothing would stop him.

Late that night we bid Carlisle goodbye. We told him we would be home in less that a week. It didn't seem possible that our honeymoon was almost over. We watched as Carlisle drove down the long drive. I leaned back in to Edward's chest as his arms circled my waist. "Tired?" he asked. I turned to look up at him, "Not really, it is just so much to take in. I just figured you would bite me, we would wait for the venom to spread, then we have forever. It is so much more technical that I thought." He bend down and kissed my forehead. "it is only technical, so Carlisle can lessen the pain." I kissed his chest, "I know."

The rest of the week flew by. We decided that we were not going to discuss my transformation anymore until it got closer. We were just going to be husband and wife and enjoy being with each other. All too soon it was time to leave. I was checking every room to make sure we hadn't forgotten anything, Edward was shutting down the generators and closing up the cabin. All our luggage was in the jeep and I was sitting in the living room when he came back in. "Ready to go baby" he asked. I looked up at him and pouted "No, I want to stay here forever, this place is magical." He laughed and gathered me in his arms, "Well...we could stay.. I could call everyone and just tell them we were becoming hermits and we are going to stay here and never face civilization again. It would work for me" he laughed.

I smacked his arm "stop making fun of me, I am just sad our honeymoon is over and we have to go back to the real world. I like having you all to myself." I told him as I ran my fingers up his chest, kissing his neck and reaching up for his lips. He pulled me up to him, my feet dangling off the ground and kissed my deeply. His finger tangled in my hair as he pulled me closer. His lips kissed down my jawline to my neck. "Um....Edward..?" he kept kissed as he mumbled "Um hum" I giggled, "Do we have to leave right now, or can we..." I didn't have a chance to finish before we were one the couch and he was removing my clothes. We made love for an hour, then I needed a shower and I insisted he join me. I had remembered the first night here imagining what it would be like to take Edward in this huge shower and somehow it had never happened.

It started out very innocent. I washed his back and he washed my hair. We explored each others bodies with wet slippery hands. I lost myself in his incredible body, I wanted to kiss every inch of him. I started at his jawline and worked my way down. I felt him shiver as I took his nipple in my mouth and ran my tongue across it. I continue kissing down his amazing stomach, running my fingers over his tight muscles, I continue down reaching the soft down hair of his pubic area when I felt his hand stop me. I looked up at him confused. He was breathing heavy, his eyes hooded and dark "Bella, I don't think I have that much control" I kept my eyes on his but continued kissing his flat belly.

I took his hands in mine and held them tightly, not that it would have mattered it he wanted to get away, as I lighting circled his head with my tongue. I felt him tense as I ran my tongue down his shaft, watching his face the whole time. I whispered "Please, Edward, let me try, let me do this for you" I saw the doubt on his face, but he didn't stop me. I smiled up at him, showing him I trusted him. I gently wrapped my mouth around him and sucked deeply. He groaned and I felt his fingers tighten around mind. I released one of his hands and wrapped in around the base of his cock. As I slid my mouth down I pumped with my hand. I really did not have a clue what I was doing, but I just went on instinct, I wanted to bring Edward as much joy and pleasure as he brought me. I continue moving my mouth up and down, sucking lightly and circling his head with my tongue. I heard Edward moan and whisper my name, but he never try to stop me and this gave me hope.

As my confidence grew I drew him in deeper. I felt him begin to tighten, Suddenly his hands flew to each side of the shower and he threw his head back and screamed my name. I heard the tile crack and his member twitched and exploded in my mouth, he pulled back but I was able to suck him tightly before he fell back against the back of the shower. I stood up slowly as he slid down to the bottom of the tub breathing heavily.

I watched him closely as he began to regain control. He looked up at me and said "Bella that was not smart, I could of hurt you." I slid over to where he sat and wrapped my arms around his neck. "But you didn't. When are you going to realize that you _can't _hurt me. I have faith in your love, I wish you would." He pulled me close and just held me as his breathing leveled off. "You take to many risks, Bella" He didn't say anything for awhile. He just held me and ran his hand up and down my back. After a few minutes he stood up and pulled me up with him. He kissed me deeply and looked down at me "That was very dangerous, but thank you. That was the most pleasurable experience of my existence." I smile brightly. "Anytime Edward" He smirked and said "You are the most dangerous creature I have ever met. I love you silly reckless girl." He kissed me again and looked at the damaged tiles on each side of the shower. He sighed deeply "I need to leave a note for the caretakers to have these replaced. I can just imagine what they will think." We looked at each other and laughed until we cried.

I watched out of the back window of the jeep until the cabin disappeared from view. I turned around and sighed as Edward reached out for my hand "We will be back soon." he smiled at me. "Then we can stay as long as you like, forever if you choose." I reached up and touched his face "This is definitely going to be one of my favorite places ever." I curled up next to him and was asleep before I knew it.

The next five months flew by in a blur. After we returned from our honeymoon, we had four weeks in Forks, before we left for Dartmouth. I made sure I spent as much time as possible with Charlie and everyone else I love. I was able to spend several afternoons with Jacob, but we stayed away from the subject of Edward and my transformation. I promised everyone we would be back for Christmas and New Years. Most importantly Jacob and Cheyanne's wedding. We would then be taking a break from college and heading back to Alaska and the beginning of my new forever life with Edward.

Dartmouth was beautiful, stressful and challenging. If if hadn't been for Edward tutoring me I am sure I would of fluked out the first six weeks. It was so much harder than high school. I am still convinced that the only way I got into Dartmouth to start with is because someday there would be a Cullen Hall or Cullen Library on campus, even though Edward had promised me I got in on my academic record. Yeah right.

We had an amazing house off campus, off the beaten path, that Edward had brought, stating it was a good investment. Edward and I had most of the same classes together. We were together almost 24/7 and I never got tried of him. He was like my other half and we perfect together. Marriage agreed with us. We made glorious love several times a day. There were still thing I wanted to do, push the limits, but Edward had convinced me somethings would have to wail until after my transformation, because he still struggled with his fear of hurting me.

Soon it was December. We were just finishing our finals then we were headed back to Forks for the holidays. We had put in for a leave of absence from Dartmouth for the second semester. Knowing I would be in no shape to be around humans, after January. I just wanted to drop out, but Edward was convinced that we would be able to continue, it not by third or four semester,then definitely next year. My respond to this was to just roll my eyes.

Edward had come to me one day and said that Alice had confirmed that there would be several overcast, rainy days in Florida, right before Christmas, if I would like to visit my mother before we returned to Forks. I was thrilled that I would be able to see Mom for a few days, since I didn't know when or if I would ever be able to see her again. The weather cooperated. It was windy, overcast and rainy for the three days we were there. Edward and I were able to walk on the beach and even took a quick side trip to Disney World. It was magical. Before I knew it we were on a plane headed for Forks.

I was getting a little nervous and Edward could sense it. He kept promising me everything would turn out okay, but that I could back out anytime if I wasn't sure. I just rolled my eyes at him and told him I had never wanted anything as much in my life. It was just the unknown that was making me nervous.

We arrived back in Forks on Christmas Eve. The Cullen house was decorated beautifully for Christmas, thanks to Alice. It looked like every Christmas story I had ever read, very Dickensian. It felt so natural to be _home. _We spent hours just talking about my collegiate experience and everyone commented on how happy we seem. We were happy. Edward was my everything and I was finally beginning to believe that Edward was truly happy with me. As much as I hate to admit it, my insecurities crept up periodically, but being with him in New Hampshire was convincing me that he was with me because he wanted to be.

I was awaken Christmas morning with the softest kisses. I opened my eyes to the glorious crooked smile that I loved so much. "Merry Christmas, beautiful" Edward whispered. I giggled and said, "Merry Christmas, husband" I asked as her drew me into his arms and kissed me deeply. "Everyone is waiting for you downstairs to open presents, and if you don't get up soon, Emmett is going to come up here and physically carry you, bed and all downstairs. He is worse than a four year old on Christmas morning." Edward said rolling his eyes while running his hands up and down my back, causing wonderful feeling to surge through my body. I reached up and took his face in my hand and kissed him deeply, "How long do you think we have?" I asked while slipping my hand down his chest to his abdomen and further. He grabbed my hand and laughed, "Not that long, so unless you want to get caught by Emmett doing something that you will find beyond embarrassing, we better get moving."

Christmas with the Cullen's was amazing and frightening. I had worried about what to buy for the family that had everything. Alice was easy, just give her gift cards to all the high end stores and websites and you thought you had given her the world. For Jasper we found a complete history of the Civil War, which he read constantly, correcting parts that were wrong, while the rest of the family laughed. Jasper would know, he was there. Emmett--video games.m He really was like a four year old. Edward and I had found and beautiful painting of old Italy in New Hampshire that we gave Carlisle and Esme and they were thrilled about it. Rosalie, was the hardest, but walking around old vintage shoppes we had found some antique hair combs and vanity set which, surprisingly she loved.

I had found several books of piano music for Edward, knowing that it could never match everything he had given me, but he loved it. Carlisle and Esme handed me a small flat box, smiling brightly at me "we hope this tells you how happy we are to have you in our family." Esme smiled. I open the box to find the most delicate and beautiful bracelet with the Cullen Crest attached. Tears filled my eyes as Edward placed in on my wrist "Thank you so much" I whispered through my tears "It is the most beautiful bracelet I have ever seen, and you have no idea how much this means to me." Carlisle pulled me into a hug, telling me "You are an intricate part of our family Bella. You have brought much love into our lives. I can honestly say I have never seen Edward so happy, and that is because you love him." Edward pulled me over to the couch and handed me an envelope. It was letter size and fairly thick. I frowned up at him, he laughed at my expression. "Merry Christmas, Bella. You insisted that I couldn't spend a lot money on you, so I didn't, but this is a two part present. Open this for the first part, then I will show you the second part." I was totally confused at this point, so I very carefully opened the envelope, making sure there were no repeats of my 18th birthday. Inside was sheet music. I looked up at Edward, he smiled his crooked smile and took my hand and led me over to the piano. He placed the music on piano and sat me down beside him. He then began to play the most incredible song I had ever heard. It was soulful and melodic and brought tears to my eyes. When he finished he bent down and kissed me. "I wrote this for you, it is our story in music." I wrapped my arms around him and kissed every part of his face I could. I looked deep into his eyes and when I could finally talked I told him "Thank you. You could not have given me anything better than that. It was amazing. You are amazing."

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and singing and just enjoying Christmas, the way it should be enjoyed, surrounded by the ones you love. Edward and I went to Charlie's for dinner. Sue Clearwater had cooked an amazing dinner. Edward even managed to eat a bit, so as not to disappoint anyone. I looked at him in amazement, knowing the agony that caused him.

Before night fall I went to LaPush to drop Jacob and Cheyanne's presents off. Jacob grabbed me and hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would break. We discussed marriage, "_Yes, Jacob, it is wonderful and yes I am happy." _ He still looked at me like I was crazy but did finally admit that I looked happy. He admitted he was a little nervous about his upcoming wedding, but not at the least about getting married. He was over the moon about loving Cheyanne.

As I got ready to leave, he stopped me "Wait a minute, Bella, we have something for you" he ran back into the house and came out with an envelope. "I wasn't sure where to mail this, so I figured I would give it to you in person." he said with a big smile on his face. It was addressed to Mr and Mrs Cullen. I smile up at him and opened it. It was his wedding invitation. It requested _our _ presence. I looked up at Jacob and whispered "Jake you know Edward can't come to your wedding. Oh, or did you just do this for appearances?" Jacob took my hand and shook his head. "No, Bells, the invitation is for you and _your _husband. I talked it over with Sam and the elders. We have agreed to waive the terms of the treaty for the day. Cheyanne and I would be honored if you and Edward attended our wedding." Once again I did what I do best, I cried. "Jake, thank you so much. I know you don't approve of my being with Edward. But to include him means more to me than you could ever know. I love you Jake." I hugged him tight and left to go home to my husband.

Edward looked concerned when I arrived home and he saw my tear streaked face, but when I explained to him that they were happy tears and why, he relaxed. He wasn't sure about attending. Edward and Jacob were sworn enemies and he felt a little uncertain that it wasn't a trick, but when I explained there was no way Jacob would plan to seek revenge on his wedding day, he agreed. So we made plans to attend the wedding together. My best friend and the man I loved. Maybe, just maybe there was hope for the world yet. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, after celebrating the best Christmas of my life.

The next week went by quickly and we arrived at LaPush on New Year's Eve at 7:00pm as the wedding was scheduled for 7:30. Edward was extremely nervous, but when he wasn't completely shunned and actually welcomed by Billy, he relaxed, a little. The wedding was beautiful. It took place in a small chapel on the reservation, lit entirely by hundreds of candles. Jacob and Cheyanne were so happy and so in love. As Jacob stated his vows, tears flowed down his cheeks and it warmed my heart. It felt so right to celebrate his marriage and the beginning of his new life.

Edward and I stayed pretty much to ourselves, just watching all the happiness around us. Edward kept watching me throughout the evening, rubbing my back and looking at me with trepidation in his eyes. I knew what he was thinking. This was going to be the last time I would see my friends and my Dad. He was watching me closely to try to see how I was handling it.

After Jacob and Cheyanne cut the cake and had their first dance, I looked up at Edward and whispered "Are you ready to go?" He looked at me and I could see the fear in his eyes. His fear for me. I reached up and kissed his lips. "Jacob has begun his new life, it is time for me to begin mine." I hugged him tight and smiled up at him. "Come on" I said as I grabbed his hand "lets go say our goodbyes" We made our way over to Jacob and Cheyanne. I noticed Jacob's smile fall just a bit as we approached. He knew. I didn't think he would say anything. But I knew him well enough to know, he knew.

"Congratulations, Jake" I said as I hugged him tight. "I am so happy for you." He hugged me back, keeping his eyes on Edward the whole time. "Thanks, Bells...you aren't leaving already are you?" he asked. I took Edward's hand "Yes, we have a plane to catch. Classes start again day after tomorrow, so we need to get back." I knew he could tell I was lying, but he just nodded. "Well..." he answered "thank you so much for coming, it meant everything to me. You will keep in touch, right. Bella?" I blinked back the tears I felt forming in my eyes, "Of course I will Jake, you will always be my best friend. No matter what." I pulled him in tight to me and whispered in his ear "I love you Jacob. Thank you for everything. Please be happy, because I am." I felt a shudder run through his body and his hugged me back. He nodded his head and said so softly "I'm trying Bells, I really am." I pulled back and looked up at him. "Goodbye Jake" I said as I touched his cheek. I turned away, and looked for Charlie so I could say goodbye to him when I heard Jacob ask to speak to Edward alone. I turned around and looked at him with panic on my face. "It's okay Bella, I just want to say goodbye" Jacob said to me. Edward bend down to kiss me on the cheek "Go say goodbye to Charlie. I will be right there." I froze, unable to move. Edward took my face in his hand "It will be fine Bella, trust me." I looked from Edward's face to Jacob's face. All I saw was sadness in both. No anger. I once again fought the tears and nodded and turned to find my father, for perhaps the last time.

Charlie was dancing with Sue Clearwater and looked so uncomfortable I had to laugh. Charlie was almost as awkward and I am, so I knew this wasn't his idea. He caught my eye and I smiled as he walked over to me. I laughed "You didn't have to stop dancing on my account, I could of waited." he shook his head and said "Believe me, Sue will be forever grateful, she may not have any toes left, if I hadn't found an excuse to stop." I laughed with him for a few minutes, then told him "Edward and I and going to take off. We had a plane to catch late tonight. I just wanted to say goodbye." He pulled me into a big hug "Okay Bells, call me when you get back to Dartmouth....where is Edward anyway." he said looking around. I glanced over to where Edward and Jacob were still talking "he is just saying goodbye to Jacob and Cheyanne." Charlie frowned "I never thought I would live to see the day where they would be able to have a civil conversation. I guess love really does change all things." Charlie shook his head "Looks like everyone gets their happy ending" he said as he smiled at me. I smiled up at him as I noticed Edward walking toward us. Charlie reached out his hand to Edward, "Bella says you're leaving" he said to Edward as he shook his hand "Make sure you call me when you land, love you Bella" he hugged me tight as I told him I loved him. He pulled back and looked at me "Whoa Bells, weddings make you all sentimental or what?" I laughed "Yeah something like that....anyway I will call when we get home, love you Dad." I turned and walked toward the parking lot before I lost it and Charlie started asking serious questions. Edward wrapped his arms around me and held me tight "I promise you, you will see them again, if it is at all possible. I will not take that away from you too."

That pushed me over the edge. I tried to hold it in, but I started sobbing as Edward held me tight.

EPOV

I had been stunned when Bella told me I was invited to Jacob's wedding. We had been enemies for so long, and we both loved Bella, my first instinct was that it was a trick, to finally find a way to break the treaty so they could get Bella away from me.

Bella was furious with me. How could I possible believe that Jacob would use his wedding day to trick me into breaking the treaty. Maybe he was just trying to reach out. It took me awhile and a lot of discussion with Bella and Carlisle before I finally agreed to go. Only because it meant so much to Bella. I couldn't say no to Bella.

I was a nervous the morning of the wedding, but Bella kept me calm. When we got to LaPush, Jacob and Billy Black, met us as soon as we arrived. They genuinely seem happy that I had come. Bella was absolutely glowing. The wedding was beautiful. I could see how happy Jacob and Cheyanne were, and believe me, I was happy. I was so thrilled Jacob found someone to love besides Bella. We sat off to ourselves after the ceremony, just watching the festivities. I kept an eye on Bella, trying to gage how she was reacting. We were leaving as soon as the party was over for Alaska. Carlisle, Esme and Alice were already there. I knew she was nervous, but she wouldn't admit it. I was terrified and I wasn't afraid of screaming it from the roof tops. If anything went wrong...if I lost Bella....I couldn't think about it.

Bella looked at me and asked if I was ready to leave. I looked deep into her eyes and nodded. I wanted to yell "No, no, no. I never want to leave, I want to stay right here forever with you safe and warm and happy." But I said nothing. I went with her to say goodbye to Jacob. I was surprised when Jacob asked to speak to me alone. Bella looked frightened but I reassured her that nothing would happen, she should go find her Dad to say goodbye.

Jacob and I walked away from the crowd. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, just stared at the ground. I waited, because I knew how hard this was for him. I remembered when I left Bella, thinking I would never see her again, so I knew the pain. Even though he was married to someone else, I knew he had a special connection to Bella and he thought he was losing her forever.

"I am never going to see her again, am I" he choked out, looking at me. I let my breath out "If there is anyway possible for us to come back, some day, we will. I can't tell you when or how long, but if it is possible I will bring her back" I answered. He looked up at me and I saw the tears in his eyes "Will she even remember me. I heard you lose all your human memories.." he stopped as his voice cracked. I smiled at him "We are talking about Bella here. She never does anything like everyone else does." I watched a small smile cross his face as he nodded his head. I placed my hand on Jacob's shoulder "Jacob, Bella has kept journals. She doesn't want to forget anything, she has been doing it for months. Writing down everything important to her. I hate to tell you this, but there are at least three full books of just you." He laughed at that "Yeah, I am sure you hate that." We stood there for the longest time, just watching Bella with her Dad. "I guess you should go. Just promise me one thing, if you can" he asked. I nodded for him to continue "Take care of her. Always love her. Because even if she is a vampire and you hurt her, I will hunt you down and kill you." I laughed and shook his hand "That is one promise I can make. I love her more than life itself Jacob. You have my word I will never hurt her and will always love her. She is my only reason for being on this earth." I turned to walk away and then remembered something I wanted to say to Jacob, "Jacob" I hollered since he was walking away. He turned "Thankyou...for taking such good care of her while I was gone. I will always owe you for that." He nodded, gave me a thumbs up and walked away.

I reached Bella and Charlie as she was saying goodbye. I could tell she was close to losing it so I kept my goodbye to Charlie short and started toward the parking lot. We had gotten far enough away that no one would notice when she lost it. Bella started to sob and I was afraid she would collapse, so I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. "I promise you, you will see them again, if it is at all possible. I will not take that away from you too."

I held her tight and let her cry. I knew this was something she needed to do . We walked slowly to the car. I kissed her deeply and looked into her eyes, before I could say anything she said to me with such determination it made me smile "I love you Edward. I want you forever. Let's go. My life awaits me in Alaska and I can't wait." She kissed me passionately and climbed into the car with the most determined look on her face I had to laugh. My kitten pretending to be a tiger. She was going to be an amazing vampire.

**A/N Whew. Tough chapter. Things will move pretty fast now. The next chapter will be very difficult for our Edward. We will see how Carlisle's plan works. Should be up soon.**

**Thanks for all your reviews, keep it up. I love to know what you think.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**Sorry it took so long to update. RL interfered. Thing are moving along pretty fast down. Only a few more chapters. Hope you like it.**

**BPOV**

I woke up when I heard a door closing quietly. I reached out for Edward, but felt nothing. I sat up quickly "Edward?" I shouted, before I knew it I was in his arms, "Sssh" he whispered, "I was just going over some last minute details with Carlisle." He pulled back to look into my eyes, "everything is ready" he looked down at my hands that were twisting in his shirt. I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. "Can I tell you something, without you freaking out?" I asked as I pulled him close. "You can always tell me anything, Bella" he answered while kissing the top of my head. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. I blinked away the tears I felt forming so I could see his expression "I'm scared" He just looked at me for what seemed like forever. Then he pulled me in tight to his chest "Me too" he said "me too."

We had arrived in Alaska over 36 hours ago. Carlisle had done his "morphine test" and assured Edward and I that he was confident that everything would go smoothly. He had no way of knowing if the morphine was stronger than the venom, if it would contain the burning pain that they had gone through during their transformation, but he was very hopeful.

Edward has made sure that I ate all my favorite foods one last time and Carlisle had insisted that I drink what seemed like gallons of water, so I was hydrated. We had made love gently last night and I had fallen asleep wrapped in his arms.

We held on to each other for what seemed like hours. Neither one of us wanted to break the hold. Not sure of when we would be holding each other like this again. No one knew what I would be like when I finished "changing". Each person had a different memory of "waking up". What their first desires were, although most were of hunting. None of them had been in love when they went through their transformation. None of them had someone who would be waiting for them when they "awoke".

I finally pulled back from Edward, kissing his chest, "I need to take a shower." I told him. He tickled my side and asked "Do you want some company?" he asked while wiggling his eyebrows. I couldn't help but laugh, "Always, my sweet husband, always." I said pulling him along behind me. We took a slow leisurely shower, exploring each others body with reckless abandon.

We walked slowly down the stairs to the family room, arm in arm, giving each other the support. Carlisle and Esme looked up at us as we entered the room. "Good morning, my children" Carlisle said "did you sleep well, Bella." I smiled at him and just nodded, not sure if I trusted my voice. No one said anything. We just looked at each other, each person waiting for the other to speak. I took a deep breath and held it for a few minutes, closing my eyes. I raised my shoulders and let my breath out. "Okay, so let's do this." I felt Edward stiffen next to me. I squeezed his hand tighter and scanned the room with my eyes. I noticed everyone's expression change. I felt like someone was dying instead of giving someone eternal life.

Carlisle smiled up at me, "Okay, no time like the present. Everything is ready, just follow me Bella." I nodded, and started forward, but Edward stopped me. I looked up at him. He was terrified. I reached up to touch his face when his eyes found mine. We didn't need to say a word, We both felt it. This was the next chapter of our life. I tried to smile at him, but I don't think it worked, so I just mouthed "I love you" He pulled me tight to his side and whispered "As I do you." He held me tight to his side as we made our way down the steps....to our future.

EPOV

Carlisle was placing the IV needle in Bella's arm so she could receive the morphine before I injected her with my venom. She kept her eyes on me, I could see the fear in her eyes. Terrified of needles, but not afraid to trade her soul for me. I struggled to keep the panic off my face and out of my eyes. What I wouldn't give to be able to do this for her.

I rubbed her arms as Carlisle finished connecting the tubing. "You okay?" I asked. She smiled timidly up at me and nodded her head. Carlisle looked at Bella "Okay, IV is all positioned, now I need to connect electrodes to you chest, so we can keep track of your heart rate" Bella nodded at him and pulled her robe open slightly so Carlisle could attached the sticky circles to different areas of her chest.

I smile slightly remembering the argument Bella and Alice had had about her "outfit" for the transformation. Alice thought she should dress for the occasion, Bella said she wanted to be comfortable, not knowing if she would be trashing around or whatever. This was one of the few arguments Bella had won. She looked so beautiful wearing just a big fluffy white robe, nothing underneath, which would be removed after the morphine had taken affect, right before the injection of venom.

Carlisle had finished hooking up the wires to the EKG monitor and I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Bella's heartbeat. I tried to keep the agony off my face, knowing that soon I would never hear that sound again. I closed my eyes and just let it fill my soul. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Carlisle "Would you like me to record it for you?" I looked from his face to Bella's and saw the concern on both of their faces. I was the one who was suppose to be strong here and it was taking every thing I had not to fall apart. I just smiled at Carlisle, nodded and whispered "Please."

Bella placed her hand on top of mine "It is going to be okay. I promise. Whatever happens, if there is pain or not. It is worth whatever I have to go through, to be with you forever. Please know that." I bent down and kissed her because I knew she would do anything for me, as I would for her.

Carlisle looked at us, "I am going to give you two a few minutes, then we will get started." he patted my back and bent down to kiss Bella's forehead.

Bella sat up in bed and I pulled her into my lap. She looked into my eyes and held my face so I had to look at her "I love you, I need to know you are going to be okay with this. Even if the morphine doesn't work and I am in pain, you need to hang onto me and know it will be over soon, okay?" I held her as tight as could without breaking her and answered her "It is going to hard, but I promise I will be strong for you and I will be right here when it's over, I love you to so much." We just held onto each other and looked into each other eyes until we heard the door open and Carlisle said " Are we ready?" I felt the panic rise in my chest. I wanted to grab Bella and run as fast as I could as far away as I could, but I knew this is what Bella wanted so I just nodded.

"Bella" Carlisle started "you are going to feel a little warm as the morphine starts through your system, don't panic, that is not the venom, it will level out and you will get very sleepy. I am going to monitor your heart rate." Bella nodded at him as she slipped out of her robe, so I could get to her heart after the morphine had put her to sleep. She held on tightly to my hand "Okay here we go." I watched as the morphine started dripping into Bella's veins. She never took her eyes off mine and I felt her grip loosen as she started slipping under. Right before she was completely under she whispered "I love you, Edward" and I watched as her beautiful brown eyes close for the last time. Carlisle cleared his throat "Edward, you still with me?" Without taking my eyes off her face I nodded. "Okay" he said "when her heart rate drops to 30, you need to inject the venom directly into her heart, then bite at each of her arterial points. The more venom you get into her system, hopefully the quicker this will go." I watched and listened as her heart rate dropped 80...70....60...40....35.. At 30 Carlisle handed me the metal syringe that held my venom. I looked up at him, frightened that I wouldn't be able to do it. He quietly asked me "Do you want me to do it?" I shook my head, took the syringe and with a deep breath I plunged the needle straight into the heart of the woman I loved more than anything on this earth. I heard the gasp that escaped from my chest, because it killed me to do this to her. I pushed down the plunger slowly, allowing the venom to flow into her, knowing now there was no turning back. I heard the heart monitor speed up as her heart started fluttering at 100..150 beats a minute. I turned in a panic to Carlisle, "It's okay Edward, this is what happens, now do her arterial points." I leaned in and kissed her cheek and then sunk my teeth into her carotid artery and savored the sweet blood that flowed down my throat, but unable to enjoy it. I quickly licked the wound to seal it. I repeated this action on each of her arteries. Her heart was beating so fast it sounded like it would jump right out of her chest, but Carlisle, just looked at me and smiled. "Now we wait. It's good Edward. Everyone else was screaming at this point, so maybe, just maybe the morphine worked." I couldn't look at him. I couldn't take my eyes off her face. She looked so peaceful. I prayed "Please let this be how she feels." Then I took her hand in mine and I sat down to wait.

Time seemed to have stopped. Every time I would look at the clock, the hands would have only moved a few minutes. I finally stopped looking at the clock, just kept my eyes on Bella's face. She hadn't moved. At all. Not a muscle. I didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. She wasn't thrashing around, but she also wasn't moving. Her heart rate went up and down, and Carlisle assured me that was normal. That eventually it would slow, then speed up dramatically and then stop. Then she should wake up.

Alice and Carlisle had tried several times to take my place at Bella's bedside. Begging me to take a break, but I refused. I would never leave her side, no matter what. The rest of the family arrived the evening that we injected Bella. They had each come in to speak to me, but I heard nothing except Bella's changing heart beat.

Time continued to creep. Early the next morning Alice busted through the door. Bouncing around and blabbering about something that my current mind could not comprehend. I wanted to scream at her to just be quiet but then somehow Carlisle's voice seeped through my confused mind "Are you sure Alice? That is extremely fast." I looked over at Alice, trying to concentrate on what she was saying "As sure as I can be. I see her waking up at 3:27 this afternoon." Alice repeating. I was stunned. That wouldn't even be a full 30 hours. Bella had never moved since she closed her eyes and Alice was saying she would be back with me in less that five hours. For the first time I felt hope, but I tried not to feel it too deeply. Alice had been wrong before. I kissed Bella's cheek and whispered in her ear "Come back to me, my love, come back soon."

BPOV

I could hear voices but they seemed far away. I needed water. I had the worse case of heartburn in the history of the world, but I couldn't seem to wake up enough to ask for a drink. There was a constant buzzing of voice and I tried to pull myself to them, but I just couldn't seem to reach them. I wanted to scream, but could not find my voice. The burning in my chest was getting worse. I swallowed, but my mouth was so dry, it didn't seem to do any good. I licked my lips, they were so dry. Then I felt his lips touching mine. They were so warm. Wait..that couldn't be right Edward's lips were cold. I felt like I was being sucked under again so I fought with everything I had to reach out. The fire in my chest flared and I gasped, then just as sudden it was gone. I could feel fingers rubbing my cheek and I heard the most beautiful voice in the world. My Edward. "Bella, open you eyes baby. If you can hear me, please open you eyes." The weight that been weighing me down was gone, my throat was raw, but otherwise I felt more awake than I had in my life. I turned my head toward the sound of his voice and forced my eyes to open.

I saw Edward's face. It was so beautiful and it looked so worried. I reached my hand out to touch his cheek and frowned "What's wrong, Edward?" He laughed and he pulled me to him and was kissing me all over my face. He held my face in his hands and they were warm. I was confused, something was missing. "Oh Bella, hello my beautiful wife. How do you feel? Are you okay? I love you so much." he just kept asking questions and kissing me. I looked at him "I am fine Edward" I looked around the room and all the Cullens were there, smiling at me. Then I remembered. I was suppose to change. To become on of them. I tried to think. I remembered Carlisle giving me morphine and Edward's worried face, but I couldn't remember anything else. I looked at each on of their faces. They were all smiling, Alice was bouncing up and down. I looked back at Edward confused "It didn't work did it? I'm still human."

He looked at me confused, then I saw him glance at Carlisle. Carlisle walked over to me and took my hand, he had a rather strange look on his face "How do you feel Bella?" he asked. I looked at each of the Cullen's then back at Carlisle "Um... okay, I guess, my throat is burning, but otherwise I don't feel any different." They were all still just staring at me, I looked from Edward's face to Carlisle's and whispered "What went wrong?"

I looked at each of them, all of sudden all of them were smiling. Before I knew it Edward had grabbed me out of the bed and was holding me so tight I thought I would break. He was laughing and kissing my neck. He placed me back down on the floor and kissed me deeply. Then he looked deep into my eyes and said "You are truly the most amazing creature any of us have ever encounter in all of our years. Of course, nothing went wrong Bella. You just managed to go through the transformation process in less than 30 hours, which is unheard of, but you went through it painlessly. You don't remember any pain, don't spare my feelings, tell me the truth." He was looking at me like he thought I was keeping something from him.

I frowned up at him. I pushed away from him and walked to the closet, opened the door where a full length mirror was. I gasped. It was me, only a more perfect me. Pale skin, but every part of me was beautiful. My hair was more glorious, everything seemed to have changed to perfect proportion. Then I looked into my eyes and blinked hard and pulled back. The were blazing red. Edward came up behind me and circled my waist with my arms. He said "I know the eyes are a little frightening, but they will change. They are just the left over human blood in your system, they will turn to amber in time." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. I looked up at him stunned then looked at my reflection. "I am actually pretty." I giggled. I heard a low growl come from his chest, "Bella, you have always been more than pretty, you have always been beautiful. Now maybe you see yourself as I always have."

Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me toward her. She was positively bouncing with excitement. "I knew you would be different than everyone else. Really, Bella, how do you feel?" I looked at her and then frowned at Carlisle "I really don't feel any different. Is this normal. I don't remember anything after the morphine, and getting really sleepy?" Carlisle came over and put his arm around me. He led me over to the bed and sat down next to me. "Bella, there was no burning at all, that you remember?" I thought for a few minutes "I remember thinking I needed water because I had the world's worse case of heartburn, but it only lasted for seemed a few minutes, then it went away. That seemed to be right before I heard Edward's voice asking me to open my eyes, but I really don't remember anything else." Carlisle hugged me and said "Bella, the morphine either worked or you were just meant to me a vampire. I have never seen or heard of an transformation being so easy or quick." He stood up and put his hand under my chin. "Regardless, welcome to our world. I think we need to give you and Edward some time." He raise his eyebrows at the rest of the family and started up the stairs, Alice started to argue about getting me dressed or some nonsense but Carlisle pulled her up the steps telling her it could wait.

I walked over to the mirror once again and just stared. It didn't seem real. It was like I went to sleep and woke up. I was afraid it was all a dream. That I would wake up and I would still be human. I expected to feel different somehow and yet I felt exactly the same. Except for the burning in my throat. I must have been frowning because Edward ask "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?" I turned to him and asked "Why does my throat burn?" He laughed "Is it just burning, it isn't consuming you?" he asked softly. "No, it is just annoying actually." He took me in his arms "You need to hunt. That is the feeling of the venom. You need blood to ease it, but it should be unbearable to you." He was frowning, but them took my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. "Come on, it is time to eat. Let's go hunt." The thought frightened me and I pulled back and Edward went flying across the room. I looked at him in total shock and ran to him. I was to him in less than a second "Oh God, Edward I am so sorry, what did I do." He looked up at me laughing. "You have to remember Bella, you are now the strongest vampire in the house. It will take a little time, getting use to your new strength." He said as he got up. I looked at him and backed away "Are you all right, did I hurt you?" He walked to me shaking his head "I am fine. It takes a lot to hurt us, but try to remember to move slow. It will come to you in time." He reached for me again but I backed away, afraid I would hurt him. He stopped and looked at me "Bella, you won't hurt me, I promise."

Edward and I walked out the back door and sank into about 15 feet of snow. I shivered and then stopped. I shivered because I thought I was suppose to, not because I was cold. I looked up at Edward in amazement. I had a thin loose fitting dress with no sleeves (Alice dressed me while I was indisposed), no shoes and I was comfortable, not cold, not hot, just perfect. Edward's looked at my expression and laughed "Get used to it my love, our temperature never changes" I shook my head "This is going to take some getting used to." Edward took my hand, "You want to have some fun, Bella" I frowned at him "What kind of fun?" I asked skeptically. He laughed "Come on I'll show you" he grabbed my hand and jumped. Next thing I knew we we 20 feet away from the back door of the house. Edward smiled down at me, "Now watch" he let go of my hand and did a backwards flip, at least 50 feet in the air and landed a yard away from me sending snow flying in all directions. I laughed at the carefree look on his face. "Now you try it" he shouted to me "I don't have a clue how to do that, silly" I responded. "Ah, silly Bella, you will be amazed at what you can do now." I looked at his like he had lost his mind. I tentatively tried to jump and I felt like I was flying. I didn't do anything as spectacular as a back flip, but I flew pretty high in the air and land on my feet. Me, klutzy, clumsy, Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, landed on her feet. I burst out laughing and it sounded magical. Edward was at my side in a second and kissed me deeply. "What are you thinking?" he asked with a huge smile on his face. "That was so cool, and so much fun." He picked me up and twirled me around. When my feet hit the snow, I giggled, picked Edward up and spun him around. We both fell to the ground laughing hysterically. I looked at him in awe. We could finally act like the teenagers that we were.

We ran through the forest. I was running and laughing. Something I could never do before without risking life and limb. Suddenly I caught a scent, that made my throat burn intensively.. Edward's arms were around my waist. "There is a herd of elk about 2 miles south. Just let your instincts take over. I will be right here with you" I looked up at him frightened. He smiled his beautiful crooked smile at me and kissed my cheek "Trust me" I took a deep breath, and the scent filled me, I ran toward it. Apparently not too quietly as the herd scattered, but not before I landed on the back of one large elk, and sunk my teeth into his neck, where I could smell his blood pulsating. The warm blood slid down my throat easing the burn. I seem like in no time the animal was drained. I looked down at myself and I was covered in blood and dirt.

I turned to look for Edward. He was leaning against a tree with a smirk on his face. I walked toward him, "What's so funny, Cullen?" I asked as he was chuckling He smiled at me "You." I frowned at him

"Alice is going to be furious when she sees what you did to her dress." he snickered as he reached in his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe my face.

I watched Edward hunt, and it was magic. I had waited so long to see him in his element and he was so graceful. Never spilled a drop of precious blood, snapped the animals neck so it suffered no pain. I was in awe. He explained it would come to me in time. I didn't seem to have any trouble catching and draining the animals, just was extremely messy when drinking. I was also afraid they were suffering although Edward assured me they were not. After draining a few more elk and deer I was "full" if that is what you would call it. I felt "slushy" inside and the burn in my throat was now just very dull. Edward kept looking at me in amazement. He told me that the only thing on my mind should have been craving blood, and yet I seem satisfied after a few gallons. "I always knew you were one of a kind" he laughed, "but you keep surprising me."

We were walking back to the house hand in hand. His hand was warm in mine, and I smiled up at him. At least physically we were now equal. He looked down at me and asked "What?" I laughed and shook my head, "It feels so strange to hold your hand and it feels soft and warm in mine. That is going to take so getting use to."

He pulled me tight to his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist "Any regrets?" he asked as he kissed my forehead. I pulled his face closer to mind and kissed him "None, Mr Cullen, none at all." He tilted my face to his and pressed his lips to mine. I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip and I instinctively opened my mouth. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I gasped because that had never been allowed before. It lit a fire in my stomach that I had never felt. I pressed my tongue against his and leaned my head back to deepen our kiss. He pulled me tighter against his body and I could feel every inch of him. He broke the kiss first and looked deep into my eyes and whispered "Bella" with such longing and desire I thought I would melt and blend right into the snow below our feet. Before I knew it we slid down each other and were on the ground, he sucked my tongue into his mouth and trailed his hands down my body. I was on fire, I could not get close enough to him. I ripped his shirt off his body without even realizing it, I shoved him back and was rubbing my body over his desperate for the fiction I needed. Edward took my face between his hands and pushed me back gently, smiling. He rolled me over and hovered above me. I looked up into his eyes and said "Please, Edward, I need you." His lips slammed back into mine and he tore my dress from my body. I felt his gaze travel down my body, "Bella" he sighed deeply, "you are so beautiful" He ran his fingers down, very slowly, from my chin, over my breast, down my stomach and over my sex, where he very slowly stroked my clit, causing my back to arch and I groaned so deep it sounded like a growl. He smirked up at me as his finger entered me and plunged deep inside me. I gasped, because it was the most incredible feeling in the world. His eyes never left me face and he added another finger and slid his thumb lightly over my clit while moving his fingers inside of me. Just when I thought I would die from need he pressed down firmly while licking my nipples and I exploded. I felt myself tighten around his fingers and my entire body tingled and shook from the sheer joy he had given me. His fingers never stopped as I rode out my orgasm and when I felt like I would completely collapse from the sheer thrill of his hands, he walked his fingers up my body and wrapped them around my neck, bringing me to his lips and making love to me with his mouth. He kissed my neck and down across my collarbone, before returning to my lips. I looked at him and traced his lips with my fingertips "I need you Edward, please, make love to me, totally and completely." I begged him with my eyes. I wanted him like I had never wanted anyone in my life. Without saying a word he pulled me to him, keeping his eyes on mine, he slowly entered me. Pushing slowly until he filled me completely. It was the most incredible feeling. It was like we were made for each other, we fit perfectly. He pulled back slowly as our stayed fixed on each other. Then like the dam broke we both slammed into each other. It was a deep passionate need in both of us. It

was like all the time we had been together and holding back came through. We needed each other like an addict needed their drugs. We gave each other everything. I couldn't hold back any longer just as he shouted my name and I felt him explode into me, my body shook so hard I thought the ground would open up and swallow us both. We both lay in each other arms trying to recover, holding tight to each other. He raised up and looked at me with the most peaceful look on his face "Bella, that was..." I stroked his cheek and smile "I know, Edward, I know" and kissed him.

**A/N: So now they are equal!! Things are winding up, but there are still a few bumps in the road for Bella and Edward. But nothing they can't handle together.**

**Let me know what you think. Next update shouldn't be too long. I want to wrap this up before the year ends. I am working on a AH story next. Totally different Bella and Edward.**

**Enjoy!**


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